Especially for You

Eleven

Eleven

~+*~*+~*~+*~*+~

"I'm curious," mahinang sabi ko habang I was still contemplating whether to actually ask Raya this or not.

"What are you curious about?" nagtatakang tanong niya habang umiinom ng tubig. It was after office and nasa park kaming dalawa at hinihintay sina Reese at Hana na nasa meeting pa.

"How does it feel to perform sex?" tanong ko.

Naibuga ni Raya ang tubig. Literal na lumabas iyon mula sa bibig at ilong niya.

"Raya! Ang gross mo, ha!" reklamo ko while handing her a tissue.

"What the f*ck, Emma?" natatawang tanong niya.

"Anong nakakatawa?" I demanded.

She smirked. "Seriously? What did you ask again? How does it feel? To what nga ulit? Perform sex?"

"Ano bang nakakatawa doon?"

"Well, natawa lang ako doon sa perform sex mo. I mean, puwede mo namang itanong like anong feeling kapag nakipag-sex?"

I rolled my eyes. "You and that foul mouth of yours."

"Hey, I don't have a foul mouth. Si Reese 'yung—"

"She has a bitchy mouth, pero ikaw... balahura 'yang bunganga mo. Mag-gargle ka nga ng may basbas ng santo or something," I almost snapped.

She rolled her eyes back. "Whatever. Look, Emma, if you're so curious, just do it."

I shifted nervously. "Do what? Uh, sex? Ano... ah, just because I'm curious? Are you kidding me?"

She rolled her eyes again. "Don't act like a teenager, Emma. Curiosity is not a sin."

"But it killed the cat. Tingnan mo nga—maraming nabubuntis and—"

"Sinabi ko bang magpabuntis ka? Sinabi ko lang na makipag-sex ka at hindi magpabuntis."

"Bakit ang bad influence mo?"

"I'm not a BI or anything, 'no. I'm just giving you a simple solution to your problem. Naku-curious ka about sex, aba, eh 'di magbasa o manuod ka ng porn. Kung hindi pa rin nasa-satisfy ang curiosity mo, eh 'di makipag-sex ka."

"Raya, I'm not performing a sexual activity just to satisfy my curiosity," I said firmly.

She rolled her eyes again. "Performing a sexual activity talaga? Ewan ko sa'yo, Emma. Alam mo, simple lang naman ang buhay eh, pinapa-complicate lang ng tao."

I stared at her. I actually couldn't believe na this is Raya talking—Raya who had been in an ultimate complicated situation.

She must have read my surprise kasi nagsalita ulit siya after sighing.

"Look, Emma, life is not actually complicated. We people just make it complicated. I learned that the hard way. Saka I'm not telling you to simply have sex. Sinasabi ko lang na kapag may isang bagay kang gustong malaman nang lubusan, you have to dig deeper."

I didn't answer. Hindi ko maipaliwanag eh. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano ba ang nangyayari sa akin. Am I really attracted to Ethan beyond pheremones o katakam-takam lang talaga siya kaya nakaka-tempt dakmain?

"We're women, but it doesn't mean we don't have, uh, you know... wild thoughts on men. It's not just the hormones. It's not only the hormones or pheromones that are acting up. Sometimes, there really is an attraction we can't define and would usually peg as just hormones," seryosong sabi ni Raya. "Pero hindi pala. Hindi pala hormones. Something beyond hormones."