the fire under the ice | j.hale

7 | different

My first evening at work was excellent. I was thrilled that it went so well. My boss, Matthieu, is an easygoing and cheerful person. He and Taylor, another waitress, patiently showed me the ropes. Matthieu was impressed by my experience, which helped me feel at ease immediately. Unlike at high school, where I struggled with others' presence, I had no trouble interacting with customers or handling their looks and questions.

I quickly changed my shoes in the locker room after my shift. The café was a kilometer and a half from my house, and I preferred walking home to taking the night bus. My shift had ended at eleven o'clock, but with cleanup and final details, it was half past midnight when I finished. I wished Matthieu and Taylor a good night before leaving the café.

I had always loved going out at night. Though opportunities were rare, I savored them when they came. Tonight, however, was different. The eerie quiet made me uneasy. Worse still, I felt a prickling sensation on my back and neck—as if someone was watching me. Unable to do much else, I quickened my pace. When I finally reached my house, I breathed a sigh of relief, hurried inside, and swiftly locked the door behind me.

Exhaustion weighed heavily on me, but my homework still awaited. It was already past one in the morning. The reality of my situation hit me hard. Yet, I had no choice—and I knew I could handle it.

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I woke up with a groan, my legs slightly sore. I'd foolishly boasted about my sprinting abilities to a sporty customer. He'd laughed, challenging that if I could beat him, he'd buy a round for everyone. Predictably, the crowd egged us on. It was childish and perhaps ridiculous, but it felt exhilarating to let loose like that. I couldn't stifle my laughter at the customer's—Rowan, I think—incredulous expression when I won.

After getting ready swiftly, I headed for the bus. My mind wandered to Jasper. Surprisingly, I found myself eager to share details of my evening with him. He'd shown unexpected interest in my work, asking questions I couldn't quite fathom the reason for. Yet, I cherished his attention. While I doubted he thought of me as often as I did of him—and I was certain he didn't like me—Jasper had become my favorite person in this town. I resolved to be content with whatever he offered. Truth be told, I wasn't even sure I wanted anything more.

Deep down, I knew who I was. The loss of my parents and brother had left an indelible mark on me. Though my sister was still alive, I felt I'd lost her too. Franck and Julia's lack of affection had profoundly affected me. This unresolved grief likely explained why I couldn't reciprocate Jason's feelings. And now, I doubted my ability to love Jasper as he deserved. Perhaps it was best to leave things as they were.

At school, I made my way to my locker. The receptionist had allowed me to store my belongings there yesterday but had firmly stated I'd need to manage on my own from now on. Entering math class, I smiled upon seeing Alice. Her face lit up with a broad grin as I approached.

"So, how was your first day?" Alice asked eagerly.

"It was great," I replied with a smile.

I recounted my evening to her while she listened attentively, her eyes sparkling with interest.

"Why don't you have a car?" she inquired, her brow furrowing with concern.

"I don't have a driver's license," I admitted.

"And why don't you get one?"

I hesitated before answering, "I'm afraid of driving."

Alice's expression softened. "Have you been in an accident? If it's not too personal to ask."