Lost- Joost x reader

Chapter 7

**Y/N's POV**

I dragged myself into the agency, the familiar scent of perfume and coffee hitting me the second I stepped through the doors. I remember my frist trip to the netherlands for this agnecy. It was like stepping back into a world I'd tried so hard to leave behind. Everyone was so put together, so perfect. I forced a smile as I walked down the hall, waving at a few familiar faces. The compliments started right away.

"Y/N! You look amazing. Have you lost weight?" one of the makeup artists asked, her eyes raking over me like I was some kind of artwork.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I muttered, trying to sound casual, but inside, my stomach twisted. The truth was, I hadn't been trying to lose weight. I just... couldn't eat. Food didn't appeal to me anymore, not when my thoughts were consumed by everything else. But everyone seemed so pleased by my shrinking frame, like it was something to be proud of.

I made my way to the agent's office, trying to keep the mask up. He greeted me with a smile, rattling off details about the upcoming show. Dates, times, locations it all felt so distant, like I was floating above it, watching someone else's life.

"Looking forward to seeing you back on the runway," he said with that same practiced smile.

"Yeah, me too," I lied, already wanting to get out of there. The meeting felt like it lasted forever, but eventually, I was free, walking back out into the city, where everything felt too bright, too loud. I knew I should stop by a store, pick up some groceries or something, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. The idea of cooking, or even eating, felt like this huge, insurmountable task.

By the time I got back to my apartment, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and disappear. The emptiness was suffocating. I stared at the fridge, knowing it was almost empty but too drained to do anything about it. My thoughts spiraled, the same toxic loop playing over and over in my head: you're not good enough, you're alone, you're worthless.

And then, my phone buzzed, cutting through the fog. A notification. A group chat? I opened it and saw Joost's name at the top, along with Apson and Alanis. My heart skipped a beat.

**Joost**: Hey, we're hanging out at my place. You in?

For a moment, I considered saying no, retreating back into my little bubble of misery. But then I thought about the alternative another night spent alone, staring at the walls, hating myself. So I forced myself to get up, rummaging through my closet for something halfway decent. I settled on a basic outfit. Just sweatpants and a hoodie.

When I got to Joost's house, the atmosphere was completely different from my sterile, lonely apartment. It was warm, inviting. The sound of laughter hit me as soon as I walked in.

"There she is!" Joost grinned at me, his eyes lighting up in a way that made my heart flutter.

"Hey, guys," I said, trying to sound casual as I took off my shoes and joined them in the living room. The guys were already absorbed in some video game, their voices loud and playful as they bantered back and forth.

Alanis pulled me aside, a knowing smile on her face. "Come on, let's leave the boys to their games. We need some girl talk."

We settled on the couch, chatting and laughing, the tension in my chest slowly easing. Alanis was easy to talk to, her energy infectious. We ended up getting high together, and I found myself actually enjoying the moment, letting myself forget, even if just for a little while.

But as the night went on, I couldn't ignore the growing tension between Joost and me. Every time our eyes met, it was like this electric current ran through me, making my skin tingle. When Apson and Alanis finally left, I could barely breathe.