A Dangerous Liaison

-21-

january

Charlie

Monday

Charlie flipped open the menu card, his eyes briefly skimming over the dishes, though the words barely registered. He wasn't here for food - especially not after 10pm, when his appetite was usually non-existent, but for an entirely different purpose. This was about Tiger. The only way he could stretch out their time together - and hold Tiger close without interruption - was by ordering a full course meal and dragging out the moment, bite by bite. It was his way of keeping Tiger in the conversation, preventing their night from ending too soon, because if they didn't talk now, Tiger might never forgive him. 

Tiger wouldn't have agreed to meet him otherwise, not in private. Well, maybe he would have, but the night would have taken a different turn - one neither of them wanted to revisit. Those nights of shouting and intimacy, followed by days of painful silence and shameful regret, had tired them out. 

This restaurant, with its outdoor veranda, soft lighting and the quiet flow of the river beside them, was the perfect place, and Charlie loved it. Removed from the chaos of the clubs or the street food spots they frequented, this location was a stark contrast. The tranquility allowed Charlie to think clearly, to say all the right things without angering Tiger unintentionally - without pushing him away. 

Tiger, too, was calmer, and more at ease here. But still, they had barely exchanged any words since arriving. Instead, there were fleeting glances—uncertain, cautious, maybe even a little apologetic. This was their pattern. After a fight, Tiger would disappear, and keep his distance until Charlie inevitably reached out. Charlie always had to bridge the gap, even if his pride directed him otherwise, but Tiger would return, and all would be left unsaid. Their fights would repeat - those shared nights in Charlie's bed lost in insult, hurt, and frustration.

Now, Charlie had changed. Eddie's death had stripped that arrogance from him. Losing his younger brother had done something to Charlie - made him softer in some ways, harsher in others. It had shaken him, forced him to reconsider what mattered and why. He had raged for weeks, questioning fate and the unfairness of life, the cold way the world carried on, when he still suffered, hated, and remembered all that he had endured in his past. 

Deep down, he wondered: Had Eddie suffered more than any of them knew? None of them had seen it. Eddie had always been the quiet one, the one who smiled but never truly let them in. And now, with Eddie gone, Charlie was left with that awful sense of regret. Had he ever really known his brother? Could he have done more to show his love? Almost one month had passed since Eddie's death; Christmas without him felt somewhat empty, but Charlie had slowly come to terms with it, but the questions - the confusion - still lingered in his mind. 

What reasons did Eddie have to end his life? Was he truly struggling? 

Eddie's loss was nothing compared to Pa's. Pa's death felt like a release, and Charlie had no interest in ever discussing the man again. Tiger knew about his fractured relationship with his Pa, he knew it all, but Charlie always refused to talk about him. If he did, he only feel trapped, viciously forced back into Pa's dark, corrupt void all over again. Eddie's death was a wound that would never quite heal, and possibly not until Charlie had every answer to his questions. 

He refocused on the menu in front of him, his fingers pressing into the edge until the sharp paper dug into his palm. The tension at home was suffocating. Olivia and Kita had returned to their education, Ma had completely shut herself out, Star was preoccupied with her branch expansion, and Nino...well, he was a mystery. Charlie assumed he was preparing for the baby; Anna was due in two months, so it made perfect sense that he was busy throwing his house upside-down for the child. 

Charlie knew, at some point, he'd have to return to the house to look after Ma, but for now he needed to get away from the mess. 

He let the menu drop to the table, reaching for his drink. He swirled it absently with the metal straw, leaned back in his chair to glance out over the river. The lights across from them flickered along the riverbank, their shimmers casting reflections on the water. The universe is at peace with itself, he thought bitterly, but I'm not.

"You seem lost, Charlie." 

Tiger's voice cut through the silence, calm yet edged with familiar sharpness. Charlie looked at him, surprised by his sudden observation. Tiger was always perceptive, but tonight, it felt more pointed. "I'm just thinking," Charlie mumbled, taking a nervous sip from his straw. He hated opening up, even more when someone probed him about it. But this was Tiger, the one person who had seen him at his worst, his most vulnerable. 

Charlie blinked, his throat tightening. "I wonder if Eddie would've liked this place," he murmured, his voice cracking slightly. "Feels like his vibe."

Tiger's expression softened. "It's okay to miss him, Charlie. You don't have to pretend that you're okay with me." His hand reached out, touching Charlie's arm with a tenderness that made Charlie's heart skip. "Let it out. Talk to me about it, please."

Charlie instinctively tried to pull away as a rush of shame blitzed through his body, but Tiger quickly took his hand, as if to encourage him not to fear it, and squeezed it gently. Charlie's heart thudded at Tiger's touch, but he let Tiger hold his hand, even if he despised himself for it. The last thing he wanted was for Tiger to believe that Charlie really was in love with him. Charlie had never felt that way about Tiger, but was he truly sure?

Because his heart had always told him otherwise. 

"I know you're struggling, Charlie," Tiger said, his eyes softening. "And not just with Eddie's death. With everything." 

The brutal truth of it made Charlie's breath hitch. For a moment, his instinct was to recoil - What if he overshared again? - but instead, he let Tiger continue. "Talk to me, Charlie. What's on your mind," Tiger wondered, a soft smile on his lips. "You know I'm here for you, right?"

Charlie took a deep breath, his chest tightening as he tried to speak, his words slow and deliberate. "I guess I realised how easy it is to lose someone. How someone you care about can just be...gone."

Tiger looked at him, his gaze unwavering, the sincerity in his eyes undeniable. "You haven't lost me," he said quietly, a slight blush creeping to his cheeks. "You never will, despite everything. I love you, Charlie, I always have."

Charlie's heart pounded, Tiger's words echoing in his ears. His heart was telling him to believe it, not to doubt it, to accept that confession, act upon it, love Tiger as he should. But his mind screamed at him to stop, to deny those words and push Tiger away, like he always did. Why? Because Charlie knew he couldn't let it happen. Tiger's confessions forced him to confront those emotions he hated and refused to feel - to finally be honest.

Truly loving Tiger scared him. 

Suddenly, Charlie pulled his hands away, the shame rushing over him like cold water. "I can't, Tiger. I'm sorry, I..." his face flushed, his mind racing with panic. "I don't love you, I can never love you," he said, his voice cracking slightly as he frantically stood from his seat. He should've left it at that, but the horrible words of dishonesty kept falling out of his mouth. "We're friends. Yes, we fuck every so often, but it means nothing. You mean nothing to me."

Tiger's face faltered, his once adoring gaze now bitterly reposed in confusion and anger. The hurt in Tiger's eyes tortured Charlie, but he had made it clear, and he wasn't sure if he could ever take those brutal lies back. With tears in his eyes, he darted out of the restaurant, and did not look back. He loathed his head, his heart, and his self-destruction. And as he desperately phoned for a taxi, kicking gravel and stones in frustration, reality unexpectedly hit him like a punch to the stomach. 

He hadn't changed, not with this, because if he suffered, Tiger did, too. 

What have you done?

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