Never Get to Heaven • Charles Leclerc

015. AVOID AVOID AVOID

*****BEA'S POV*****

"Good morning, little bee!" Joanna burst into the room gleaming. She jumped onto the bed next to me, clearly eager to discuss the events of last night. She froze when she looked at my face.

Tears had dried on my cheeks, leaving behind blotchy streaks of red. I sniffled, fighting to keep another sob from breaking free as I met her gaze

"W-what happened? Bea, tell me what's wrong!" Joanna grabbed onto my arm pleading.

"No, no. It's okay." I said in a barely audible whisper.

I scrunched my face as I tried to pull myself together, but the words I wanted to say tangled in my throat.

"I'm okay, I promise... I just..." I tried to explain what was happening inside my head. I was failing miserably.

I had so much confusion and anxiety bubbling underneath the surface, it felt like I could explode any second.
Guilt was suffocating me even though my memories of last night were blurry and fragmented.

Tears began rolling down my cheeks again and I thought about Charles storming out of the room.

"I-I think I've messed up, Joanna." I cried, lowering my head into my hands. "I want Adam."

Joanna sat silently, processing my words. She pushed herself up off of the bed, tilting her head to one side, her expression shifting.

"Is this about Charles?" Her voice questioned. I couldn't look at her. The knot in my stomach tightened. I nodded gently, the weight of my thoughts pressing down on me.

"Bea..." Joanna's voice softened as she stroked my hair. "Nothing happened, he just took you home. You were too drunk, that's all. It's okay - that happens." She tried to reassure me. "Trust me, I have seen you in much worse states back in Lyon."

"That's not the point though... Adam. My boyfriend. I feel like I'm ruining everything." I shook my head, disappointed in myself that I could let myself get swept up by Charles.

Joanna sighed. I could tell she wasn't thrilled about the idea of me and Adam working things out, but she knew this was something I would need to figure out myself. And I would always be grateful for that.

"You aren't ruining everything, Bea. Nothing happened. You and Adam are on a little break anyway. You can talk it out when we get home. Everything will be fine."

I pulled the duvet back over my head and began to sob harder.

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It had been a week since Joanna and I returned to Monaco. We were still staying in our rented Airbnb. Joanna had mentioned she might extend her stay in Monaco longer than originally planned. Though she insisted she was simply enjoying life in a new city, I knew that, really, she just wanted to keep an eye on me.

She had worked it out with the landlord and agreed on a three month lease. To be honest, I was extremely glad. I needed someone in Monaco.

Adam and I had met up the day after I had got back to sort things out between us. It went as well as it could have. A lot of tears and apologies, but we eventually agreed to try and fix our relationship.

I told him I thought it would be best if I continued living with Joanna while she was staying in Monaco, giving us a chance to find ourselves again and, hopefully, make our relationship stronger.