Never Get to Heaven • Charles Leclerc

017. BLURRY

The next two weeks flew by in a blur. Living with Jo again felt like breathing fresh air after months of suffocating. There was a lightness in my chest that I hadn't felt in ages, a sense of freedom that I'd forgotten I needed. I even started painting again—something that Jo had always encouraged. Back in university, we used to joke about how we wished we had each other's talents. No matter how hard she tried to teach me piano, I could never get the hang of it. My coordination was horrific, but that never stopped us from trying.

Lando became a regular fixture in our lives, popping by the apartment whenever he had a free moment in his busy schedule. I loved watching their relationship blossom—Jo's warmth and Lando's playful energy seemed to mesh perfectly. It was a relief to see her so happy, and to be honest, I was glad to have a new friend in him too. Even though we hadn't known each other for long, there was something about Lando that made me feel like I could trust him completely. Like a little brother I never knew I needed—even though he is one year older.

Meanwhile, Adam was doing everything he could to fix what had broken between us. He was attentive in a way he hadn't been before. He would send me sweet messages throughout the day, make an effort to plan dates and check in on how I was feeling. On the surface, this was everything I had ever wanted but something just felt off. I was waiting for the mask to slip. I tried to push away my uncertainty and put my trust back in him — but the doubt was gnawing at me.

I knew Jo and Lando could sense something was up with me. They tiptoed around the topic of Adam, only talking about him if I brought it up first. I know that Joanna still harboured a strong dislike for him, especially after witnessing his violent outburst and being called a slut. But she knew forcing me to pull away from him wasn't the way to go about it. Joanna had stuck by me when I had told her we were going to fix our relationship— but I don't think she'll ever trust Adam again.

I introduced Adam to Lando just before he set off for the Miami Grand Prix. Adam was curious to meet my new friend, especially after he heard we had spent a lot of time together in Italy. Their interaction was a strange mix of politeness and underlying tension. Lando had tried to break the ice with a few jokes, asking Adam about his job and whether he was excited for Spain, but there was a stiffness to Adam, like he didn't trust Lando. It irritated me, but I forced myself to push those thoughts away.

He's just shy, it doesn't mean anything. He's trying.

I noticed Jo and Lando exchanging a few glances during the conversation, acknowledging the tension. But afterwards, Lando only had kind words to say about my boyfriend, clearly trying to calm my anxiety.

Adam, Jo and I watched the Miami Grand Prix together. Joanna bubbled away to Adam, explaining all the rules around the race. Lando had called her before the race, she looked like a little girl with a crush as she spoke to him. We both wished him luck and settled in just before the race was set to begin. I sat quietly, forcing myself not to focus on the little red car with number 16 on the front.

"Come on, Lando!" Jo cheered at the TV as the lights when out and the cars pulled away, I don't think I had ever seen her so animated, her energy was infectious and I joined in, cheering every time Lando's car appeared on screen.

Charles had started on pole, but was quickly overtaken by Max on lap 9. My heart dropped slightly as I watched, I knew the anger and disappointment he would feel, mainly in himself.

Adam placed his hand on my thigh lightly. "You okay, Bea?" He asked gentle as he studied my face. "Yeah... just focussing on the race, I get really nervous. It's so dangerous." I forced out an answer. I felt caught.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed Charles out of my head, turning my attention back to Lando's papaya car.

Adam sat watching us as we cheered and gritted our teeth as we watched Lando fighting hard. Jo and I were both tense, our knuckles turning white as we gripped onto the sofa.

Lap 41.

Lando's rear tire made contact with Pierre Gasly's car. Fuck. His car spun across the track, losing a wheel. My eyes switched over to Jo, who had her hands covering her face unable to watch.

"Is he okay?" She whispered, voice barely audible over the commentary.

"He's okay, Jo." I reached over a put my hand on her shoulder. "He's talking on his radio, but I'm sure his ego is a little bruised." I tried to lighten the mood a little bit.

"These guys are insane..." Adam commented, watching on in amazement.

"I hate watching these, it's even worse when you are actually there." Jo looked up at the screen as Lando's wrecked car was slowly moved off the track.

"I think it's amazing!" Adam butt in excitedly. Jo glared at him and I swatted his arm lightly, silently begging him to read the room.

The race finished. Max P1, Charles P2, Carlos P3.

I quickly switch it off before the trophy ceremony. I couldn't watch Charles up there, smiling and waving to the fans. I had barely thought about him until today and now I felt the confusion bubbling up again underneath the surface.

"Wow... I still can't believe Charles Leclerc invited us to a race. This has made me even more excited!" Adam exclaimed, oblivious to the tension his words had created. Joanna shot me a sympathetic glance from across the room.

"Yeah... it should be great!" I said, forcing myself to match his enthusiasm, but the words felt hollow on my lips.

"And we are in the Ferrari garage. Man, I can't wait!" Adam added.

"Wait... how do you know that?" I asked, my stomach flipping. Had he spoken to Charles?

"Someone from Ferrari emailed me with all of the details, Charles gave us full access tickets." Adam explained pulling out his phone to show me.

Great. Now I'll be forced to face Charles.

"That's... great," I managed to say, my voice tight. "I'll be sure to thank him for that."

Joanna busied herself in the kitchen, leaving Adam and I alone. I sat quietly trying to process my thoughts. My mind flashed back to Charles storming out of my hotel room. His cold and curt tone when we saw each other in the cafe.

Why was he giving us full access tickets?

"Everything okay?" Adam's soft words tore me from my thoughts, his hand resting gently on my thigh again. I felt myself go cold under his touch. I glanced up at him and he studied my face.

"Yeah... everything's fine." I spoke, my tone unconvincing.

"You know I'm trying, Bea. I want this to work." His words caught me off guard, guilt washing over me. I felt a sweat prickling at the back of my neck, my body tense as I nodded slowly.

"I know, me too." I said after a beat, my words heavy with hesitation.

He kissed the side of my temple before standing up and walking out of the room. I was left alone, the quiet around me weighed heavy on my chest, my mind raced and my thoughts spiralled.

Is this what I truly want?

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Hey guys!!!

Let me know what you think so far!

I'm really enjoying writing this story again, I have big plans for Bea and Charles over the next few chapters!

I can't wait for you to read them!

- M