misery and anguish

the root to a spiraling crack

I new this women, ide met her before. The women my dad was trying to warm me up to, the women who despised me and my sister and anything that correlated within me. Even at 6 I could feel that this women hated me and at age 10 it was radiating. I knew actions, I knew that this was not a loving mother. Everyday became darker, sharing a home with the devil became more dangerous. Each day was just her opertunity to abuse me, to hit me, disrespect, to kill me with her hurtful words. I hated feeling this, I couldn't stand home. I couldn't stand seeing her abuse my sister,my maid who was like mom to me, My cousins, any one ide have over or knew.
Each day a slap a kick, 'you eat to much' your fat , you know nothing ,your in my home ,you need to leave, you need to get out , you need to go,
You- I need to tell my dad, I need to speak with him ,to let him know. But how could I? He had that big family that he used to dream about, the extra kids that he'd always tell me about 'i want 20kids' 20..... During those days my dad had already started to forget my name, only 4 kids and soon he even forgot who I was, slowly, slowly, slowly he started to take my stepmother's side. I did this ,I did that- I'm the abuser,im the problem,I'm the 11year old who beats on a grown 29year old village wife.
Even when I told him, he never heard anything. It was his sweet new wife or his past mistake kids. She was seated on her thrown. Staring down at me.
I began to hate home, I never wanted to go back there. Loitering in school grounds was almost a sweet treat to suffering kid.
Even that was short relief coase soon the car honks and it's time 2 return... I can't even describe how torturous it was staying there as a kid. It shifted me,I changed . you can't keep pouring into a full glass
You can't weigh 100s of pounds on a toothpick. Those types of things make a mess, something ugly.
Eventually the witch convinced my dad 2 finally kick me out, I was 12, after 2 years of torture you could imagine that, that was some how relieving. I could finally leave, 🫠 thank God......