Six years ago, a little before his wedding anniversary, Anakin was grieving another anniversary. Though many years had passed since the death of his mother, Anakin was struggling to keep it all in. Jedi had never gave great advice about dealing with emotion, but for someone like him, the effects were detrimental. In turn, it would build up until every year on that day, he would cry himself to sleep in a private room.
Luke, now 13, knew that this day was a day to leave his father alone, as he was told by his mother. "It is a day of mourning," she said, and Anakin was "entitled to dealing with it however he needed to."
But Luke, entered the room anyways, soon regretting as he felt he walked into a storm cloud of the force. Determined and gentle, he sat on the bed, where his father lay facing away from him.
"Dad? I know-" Luke stopped himself and sighed. As much as he wanted to help his father, he knew not to push; it was a delicate situation and for all his credit, Luke had never known such pain. Even with the rebellion, Luke had never had a personal loss. And a positive suggestion would just come off as invalidating.
"Tell me about her."
Anakin heard his son's voice. He couldn't respond though. He didn't want to think about what he missed from his mother so dearly.
"What was her favorite color?" Luke asked.
"Green", Anakin found himself saying before he could hold it back.
"Green? Like saber green? Or Master Yoda green?"
"Green like leaves," Anakin replied. He paused looking down and reaching into his memory of why his mothers favorite color was green. "Leaves and trees, they're the most beautiful", he repeated the words of his mother.
"Mom said one day we would go and see trees of the inner rim planets and we'd see the green of life with our own eyes. She said it would look even better than the pictures."
It was Luke who sat quiet for a moment. The difference of his father's childhood and his own had never echoed so loudly before. He considered that unlike himself, his grandmother was confined to one desert planet her whole life and wasn't provided the right of ownership over it either. He imagined her, comforting a child younger than him as she survived enslavement all by herself. How brave, how strong, how kind she must have been.
Luke wished he could bring his father some sort of comfort. He wished they had something left of Shmi's they could honor. It was, after all, thanks to her that her was even alive today, he realized. He wished he could do something to comfort her in her time of need.
An idea popped into Luke's mind and and slipped out of his fathers room. Anakin watched him go, and rolled his head back into the pillow. This memory of mom stayed stuck to the front of his mind. Just like a bleeding wound he had needlessly reopened. Memories of songs she sang him, the way in which she tucked him in at night, and even the fruit they'd once shared on her birthday. Anakin bitterly laughed as he remembered stealing it from the market and taking a sharp beating from Watto for the inconvenience of having to settling the matter. It had felt so worth it in that moment when they could cut it open and enjoy such a delicacy. And he'd felt pretty crafty telling her he'd found it in compost bin and that it must have been on accident, but no one would miss it.
He felt his eyes shoot out more tears as he realized he couldn't remember her face very well anymore. And it filled him with even more shame.
He heard the door open and watched as Luke brought something into view.
Anakin sat up and took the box thing from Luke's hands. It looked like a Diorama. Anakin saw held it closer to his eyes. Tears formed again as he viewed a sight he never thought he see.
Inside this Diorama was a forest made of moss, twigs, and blades of grass. Sitting in the middle was a figure made of a flower flipped upside down. It looked like an angelic woman wearing a skirt made of petals and a body of the stem. Twisted and tied to create hair and arms that reached out with joy at her environment.
Anakin saw his beautiful mother surrounded by green that matched her beauty. He could almost see her smile at finally seeing the green she had always wanted.
"Tell me those aren't the tulips I got for your mother?" was all Anakin could choke out as he pulled Luke into a hug.
"You're a good husband. You're a good dad." Luke said. "I think grandma is proud of you."
And somehow, Anakin could feel that was true. He held his son tight in his arms because for the first time in a long time, the thought of his mom didn't hurt so much. And that was thanks to the light of his son.
The light of his son.
And Anakin was back in that clearing, holding his dead 19-year-old son in his arms.
Look for next chapter in the next week. Let me know if you liked this chapter or didn't. I'd love some feedback. Thanks. ;)
