Miss Unattainable

7

Ann Mei stared down at the woman in her arms. Gianna. So much has changed and so much had stayed the same. It has been nine years since she held her like this. Nine years since Gianna pushed her out of her life.

Right now, she couldn't feel anything but ashamed. She had resented Gianna's betrayal, and how she had ruined her life. But then she turned around and inflicted the same pain on her. And look what it had done. Nearly killed her.

Why had Gianna done it? Petty jealousy. Because the spoiled brat couldn't be the best at something, and she couldn't cope with that. Ann Mei remembered well how disparagingly David used to speak about his daughter. If anyone hated her, it was him. Nothing she ever did was enough for him, not even when she put her safety at risk to help him secure business. Gianna had sabotaged her to get into everyone's good books, but Ann Mei knew she wouldn't stay there for long. It was pointless.

She remembers the deep anger from the betrayal, from a woman that she loved deeply. Simultaneously, she was terrified— what would happen to her if someone took advantage of her when she was drunk, and Ann Mei wasn't there to stop them? No one was looking out for her, not really. Not her friends that urge her to drink more, or get high with them. Not her colleagues, angling for a favour and to get into the CEOs good books. Certainly not her father, who viewed her as a little more than a pawn to use as he wished.

Ann Mei had always been irrationally protective of Gianna. A deep rooted unhealthy, possessive urge to keep her by her side. She had listened to that bastard badmouth her regularly, knowing that she needed to stay because no one else would look out for her if she left. Even if Gianna only kissed her when she was drunk, only wanted to be held when she was high. These intimate moments were something that only Ann Mei was there to witness.

Gianna had infuriated her and enraptured her at the same time. She was so beautiful, and she knew it. Rich, pretty, and powerful, she could have anything or anyone she wanted. And yet she only liked Ann Mei taking care of her. She would always call Ann Mei when she needed help. She was always trying to help her, to help her recognize how she was hurting herself. But when she was sober, Gianna never wanted her help.

After the betrayal, Ann Mei swore that she would keep Gianna out of her life. She hadn't really wanted her help, she hadn't loved her in the same way, and so for her own sanity Ann Mei needed to keep her distance. Both satisfaction and horror swept through her over the years as she read the headlines; the collapse of Angelis investments, the lawsuits, Gianna's bankruptcy, the criminal charges against her. It was karma and tragedy, rolled up in one.

But then Gianna had found her way back into her life. As an executive assistant to a VP at her own company. It was a far cry below her capabilities. This time, Ann Mei held all the power over her. She thought that punishing her in the same way would give her some closure. Instead it disgusted her— she was no better than Gianna. She had done what she resented. She had gone looking for someway to contact her, but with no luck.

And then she got the call from the hospital. She drove straight there, sobbing all the way. And what if she was too late? What if Gianna was dead by the time she got there? She had ran to the room; 6003, saw her there in that bed, and was reminded why she fell in love with her all those years ago.

The nurse came in soon after, and asked to speak with her. The nurse explained that someone needed to take her home, she'd be ready for discharge in a few hours. She had stressed the importance of ensuring Gianna could access her medication, and explained that she had enrolled her in the Ontario low income drug access program. She explained that Gianna had disclosed she recently got fired, and had no benefits or ability to pay for her medication. The withdrawals combined with the financial stress of precarious employment aggravated any pre-existing mental instability, which is why it was important that she received her medication, and took it regularly. Ann Mei just needed to pick up her medication from the pharmacy across the street.

Ann Mei cried, knowing she had a role in Gianna's attempt. She had assumed the woman would find some other job outside of the financial industry. Gianna was smart after all. She had never thought too deeply about benefits, and how desperately someone might need them. The nurse couldn't discuss Gianna's diagnosis, but Ann Mei discreetly took a peek at her chart, and found out anyway. Things made a lot more sense. The hallucinations, the delirium, the addiction, how Ann Mei and everyone else watched her hurt herself.

She was so deeply ashamed. Her actions were childish and stupid on their own— a cheap ploy for revenge that was not as satisfying as she thought— but in these circumstances, exceedingly cruel. And then, when she had driven back to Gianna's sketchy basement apartment, her roommates informed her the woman wasn't there. She called her phone, over and over for two days with no answer. She even gone to the police, but they explained she needed to wait at least 72 hours to submit a missing persons report.

Defeated, she had gone home in tears. Only for Gianna to show up in her office the next morning, to return the money she'd given her. She was furious, lashing out angrily in a way that embarrassed her. She had always pried herself on being emotionally controlled— but the fear and anger couldn't be contained. She had made some accusations she needed to apologize for. And seeing the state of Gianna—her hair especially—made her deeply upset. She knew how much the other woman valued her hair, the way she carried on about it nine years ago, was proof of that.

Ann Mei would not let her kill herself, especially knowing that she could help. She would not, could not, lose her. That she had the resources to help. She would be better than this— just seeing her like this made that fierce protectiveness surge. She wasn't about to let Gianna just walk out of her life again.

She settled Gianna tighter against her, stroking the patchy shorn hair. She carefully fished her phone out of her pocket, firing off several emails— emergency leave at work for two weeks, effective immediately. She had rarely taken her vacation anyways. And then she switched to Firefox, to buy some things for Gianna. She'd like the woman to stay with her for a bit, but even if not, to offer her some things that would be a comfort. Ann Mei seen how bare her room was.

A Heated blanket and heating pad. A couple sets of silk pajamas. Some popular skincare and facemasks. Sunscreen and body lotion. Some ice packs and cooling eye masks. Gravol and ginger tea. Bubble Bath and bath salts. A few comfy lounge sets. Ann Mei guessed the colors, wondering if Gianna still liked pink. A bunch of makeup from Sephora and press on nails that other women on Reddit liked. Ann Mei had no idea about make up or nails. A Nintendo switch with a few games. A new iPhone with a sparkly case.

There was something so satisfying about this. Fulfilling something Ann Mei had always wanted to do— spoil a once spoiled woman. She had the money to do it now anyway. Back then, it was Gianna who had spoiled her. The woman had dragged her around fifth Avenue and Destiny mall one afternoon, still tipsy from an afternoon networking event. She had insisted on buying her some new work clothes, highlighting the snobs at their company payed attention to stuff like that. At the time Ann Mei didn't have a lot of money, certainly not enough to buy a whole new wardrobe. But a 19-year-old Gianna was insistent, and wouldn't be told no.

There was one more thing. Ann Mei hesitated, not sure if it would be overstepping. But she saw how distraught Gianna was seeing her hair. She could return it if she didn't want it. She did some quick research and found a reputable wig company, deciding on a wig pretty close to Gianna's natural hair colour and length she used to have. The company claimed their wigs looked natural and recommended a few items which Ann Mei didn't hesitate to add.

It was overstepping and Ann Mei knew it. Not to mention a bit obsessive. Ann Mei let herself indulge in her instinct. Gianna had almost died. She almost lost the only person she ever loved. She would permit herself to be a bit controlling under the circumstances. It was scratching a nine year old itch.