The Feature

XXI

Julia would bounce her knee when she sat at her desk; one leg crossed over the other, the heel of her Louboutin slingback clinking against the table leg with an irritating rhythm. You were sitting across from her as she read your final draft, your gaze focused on the blood red sole of her shoe, the remnants of the discount sticker she hadn't fully peeled off.

She placed the papers on the desk and cleared her throat. You looked up at her, only then realising you'd been making a face; eyes narrowed, lip curled disdainfully. It wasn't intentional, your face just settled that way sometimes. So you softened your edges, rounding your eyes and relaxing your jaw as you waited for her to speak.

"Quinn..." she sighed.

Your thorns quickly returned; lids turning heavy with indignation as you rolled your shoulders and pressed your back into the chair.

"You know what I'm going to say," she continued with a patronising smile. "It's well written, there's no denying that, but it's not going in the mag."

"Why not?" you asked bluntly.

She picked up the papers and licked her thumb, using it to flick to the second page where she began to read aloud. "I just wanted those men to stop looking at me. I wanted to erase myself, piece by piece, I imagined my face sloughing away, then my arms, my breasts, until there was nothing left but a pool of flesh and marrow where I'd once stood. But then, I thought, would they even care? Or would they still find pleasure in my remains; dig their hands into the slurry and let it slip between their fingers. And that scared me more than disappearing altogether..."

You blinked at her, waiting for her to explain the problem. But the way she was looking at you made it seem like you should have already known.

"It's quite graphic," she said.

"It's a metaphor."

"Yes, obviously I understand that. But it's not the most pleasant of visuals, is it? Really, the topic of the op ed on a whole, it's- It's dark, heavy-"

"It's about gender, sex, inequality, how I've learned to navigate society as a woman, it's not meant to be all bubblegum and rainbows. And it's not like the magazine hasn't shed light on these kinds of topics before." You shrugged.

"Yes but not this... Brutally."

You furrowed your brow.

She sighed, flicking to another page. "I thought sex was supposed to make me human, make me whole. But in the end, he was just a prop, an object. They all were. I could always tell they wanted me to love them, and they thought I might if they gave me everything. But nothing ever seemed worth taking." She looked at me. "You can't seriously think Draft would publish this?"

"It's an op ed," you said, your tone growing snippy. "It's supposed to be personal, subjective, opinionated-"

"But there's a fine line, Quinn, between sharing your views and experiences on important topics and oversharing to the point where it becomes disturbing and completely indigestible for readers."

"Disturbing?" You breathed out a laugh. "So this, a woman's real, lived experience of men and sexuality and emotional connection is 'disturbing', but the piece we let that dick head comedian write back in August where he said Hitler 'wasn't such a bad guy' was okay?"

"It was a joke he made in poor taste and a retraction was published almost immediately."

"Still made it to print though."

She pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling slowly. "Look, I'm not saying this isn't a good piece of writing. Because it is. I know you've been working on it for months and it shows. It's important and it's relevant, I get that. But we have to give readers balance; some escapism, y'know. And that's the job of our staff writers, to uplift the magazine with stories about celebrities and fashion and lifestyle and-" She sighed. "We have the hard hitting stuff covered. What we need from you is-"