Alone I Break | LingOrm FF

~ Part 8 ~

~several days later~

"Are you going to let me go home soon?" Orm asked, frustrated at her confinement.

Suzie looked at her pensively. He'd been meeting with her an hour each day for the last five days. She looked much better than she had. The dark circles under her eyes had faded to a dim hue, and she appeared slightly less frail - all benefits of her hospitalization. The look in her eyes seemed a bit less devastated but was still noticeably sad. He knew she hated being in the hospital, but he was hesitant to authorize her release for fear of her relapsing if too much was put on her too soon.

At the same time, her demeanour had improved. They'd spent many hours talking the last few days. After his initial visit, she was much more open to talking to him, and he suspected it was the first time in a long while that she had voiced many of the thoughts, fears, and emotions locked up inside. Not that he could particularly blame her for holding everything in. She hadn't been given much reason to keep people close. But it wasn't good for her. And he hoped she understood that.

"Do YOU think I should let you go home?" he returned, tapping his pen on his chin.

"Yes," she answered quickly. When his only response was to raise an eyebrow, she scowled. "What?"

"It's not as simple as just letting you go home," Suzie explained, still drumming his pen. "You may be physically better, Orm, but inside." He tapped his chest over his heart. "There is still a lot of healing you have to do."

Her eyes shuttered, her mind once again prompted to recall the reasons why she'd been stuck in this place to begin with. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them protectively. "I know," she managed to mumble, staring down at the stark white bed sheets.

"Do you?" he pressed.

Orm gazed up at him, her face blank and confused.

"You can't keep all the pain and hurt locked up inside," Suzie continued. "It'll eat you alive. It already has once, and it has been for quite some time. I don't want to see you end up back in here, or worse."

"I won't hurt myself," Orm promised. "I wouldn't..."

"Cut your wrists? Take a bottle of pills?" Suzie filled in. "No, probably not. But you are hurting yourself by not eating, sleeping or taking care of yourself."

Orm released a trembling sigh and blinked back several tears. "It's just hard."

"I know that cupcake. There's nothing easy about death. But you have to learn to accept it. You may never forget it, and there may always be an ache in your heart, but you can either let the pain control you, or you take control of it," Suzie said softly, yet sternly.

"How am I just supposed to go on like... like James isn't... dead?" The last word came out in a rush. It was still so hard to say the word 'dead' and 'James' in the same sentence. 

"You can't. Your brother is, unfortunately, no longer with us. No one is asking you to ignore that, or asking you to go around being Ms. Mary Sunshine," he countered, correcting her assumption. "You just have to go on one day at a time. I know that's cheesy, but it's the truth."

"One day at a time," Orm muttered, a sardonic chuckle escaping past her lips.

"I said it was cheesy." Suzie laughed along with her. "Listen, I know how much you want to get out of here, so I'll make a deal with you. I will give the okay for your release if you agree to two conditions."

"What are they?" she asked warily.

"The first one is that you will come back here to meet with me twice a week for as long as I say is necessary," he explained. "And the second is that you must take better care of yourself, which includes eating and sleeping. If I see that you're looking worse, I WILL find a way to get you back in here."