How You Remind Me

Part 24

"Oh, what do you think about this one?"

Addison swooned, I glanced up from the rack I was at to see her wagging a tiny little black ensemble in front of me.

"Um, it's pretty." I gulped "But why would I need something like that."

"Because, it would look hot on you."

"Why would I need to look hot?" I asked with a mocking laughter "I have no one I need to look hot for."

"Yes you do." She smirked "Derek."

"I..what.. pffttt!" I blushed profusely and went back to looking at the rack of clothes.

"Oh come on, I still see the spark between you two."

"Well it's not something you can fizzle out after nine months of being divorced. It takes time."

"If you even want it to, anyway." I glanced up and gave her a warning look; she ignored it as usual "Stop trying to kid me Mer, I know you. You're hiding and masking your feelings but they are there... and they still belong to Derek, right?"

I opened my mouth to try to respond but I choked over a sob that rolled up my throat. My vision suddenly blurred with a fountain of tears. I felt my lips quivering and my face puckering into a full on force of cries.

"I made a mistake!" I sobbed.

Addie's face lifted in concern as she wrapped me close and folded me under her arms. I felt her soothing me as I let it all loose there in the middle of the department store.

"I made a mistake Addie." I sobbed and gasped "I keep going back to that day, that conversation. The day that I decided not to try anymore. I told him I couldn't do it and he said 'this is it then'. Do you know how much those words haunt me! Do you know how much I wish I tried just a little bit harder, just a little bit longer!"

I took in a burning breath and sobbed a little harder, too hard for words.

"I made a mistake." I squeaked.

"I know sweetie." She hugged me close "We all make them."

"I don't know if I can get him back Addie." I sniffled "I don't know if he loves me anymore."

"He does." She whispered "He's just scared. He's—being Derek."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I giggled as my tears started to subside.

"It means..." she pursed her lips in thought for a moment and then smiled "Well it means like when he first met you. It took him almost a month to get up the guts to weasel his way into your life. And he never did really ask you out right?"

"Right." I giggled "I had to ask him out."

"See." She laughed "I remember the story. And it just goes to show that Derek... well he guards his heart inside an iron vault. It doesn't mean that he doesn't still love you, it means that he's being careful not to get hurt again."

"Oh." I sniffled and wiped my tears away "Well I guess that makes sense."

"Everyone makes mistakes... everyone has a rough patch."

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes "Name one rough patch you two perfect people have had."

Addie sighed and hung her head a little.

"Addie?" I asked with concern.

"I want a baby." She gulped "And I'm sorry I haven't talked about it... I don't want to hurt you. But I want a baby so bad I could scream. And Mark.. well he still thinks we're twenty-one and have all the time in the world."

"You want a baby." I found myself smiling with excitement.

"Yes?" she asked as if she wasn't sure if it was real excitement or forced.

"You want a baby." I giggled.

"Yes!" she gasped with her own excitement "Yes I want a baby!"

"Mark is and always will be a baby himself." I sighed "You have to be patient... and maybe bribe him a little."

"Bribe?"

"Bribe." I grinned "Like a baby."

Addison slowly smirked into a grin as she got what I meant.

"Come on; let's go get you some baby clothes."

Addison's face mirrored shock "Oh Mer, no we don't have to..."

"It's fine." I smiled "I'm over it."

"Are you?"

"No." I mumbled "But I'm trying to be optimistic."

"Ok then." She nodded "Let's go check out baby stuff."

I started to put the black ensemble back on the rack when she snatched it from me.

"Oh no, no, no." she shook her head "You are getting this. And you are wearing it when you go out with us on New Year's Eve. And you are going to make Derek drool."

"Addison I am going to freeze my ass off in that on New Year's Eve!"

I saw evil glimmer in her eyes as a corner of her mouth pulled up into her cheek bone.

"Not if a certain someone is keeping you warm."

I liked the way she thought.