Hearts and Beeps #14: Dearest, You Said

Special Chapter

Zyquavious? Elio?

His life ended when his life died in his own arms.

"Vious," a voice called out, distant but unmistakably familiar. "Anong balak mo? Dito ka uuwi? Dito ka kakain? Lumabas ka na!"

"I'm sure I didn't stutter when I said I don't want anyone else in this room with me." The door creaked open. "Get out, Eveleen."

"The doctor is afraid of you, but we need to get you out of this room, Vious."

"A few more hours," I pleaded. I wanted to hold her one last time. I wanted to stay here for as long as I could. "Please."

"One day," she said, her footsteps fading away. "Let her go, Vious. She's suffered enough; you don't want to endure the same."

My last thread of hope snapped as the door to the morgue closed.

"X-X-en . . .A?"

"Baby . . Please, just for a moment, let me share my warmth with you so you can wipe away the tears streaming down my face."

"Come on now," my knees gave way, too weak to hold me. I will keep begging, pleading for you to open your eyes. "How will I breathe again, Xena?" My arms trembled as they reached for her dark hair.

Her eyes remained closed. Xena had slipped into the same darkness that I had drawn her into. What about me?

How am I supposed to live now?

***

"You don't really want to see your son?"

I smiled. "He's probably doing better than I am."

I was lying. I've been visiting him from time to time. I asked the De la Vega family if he knew I was his father, and their reassuring answers would send me away, still carrying the heaviness of Xena's death.

I've watched Ulysses grow up, just like Oryn did with me, but now father is more carefree and cautious with him. He's probably afraid that one day I'll come and take Ulysses and Khione away from him.

But it's too late, and maybe that's for the best. I want Ulysses to harbor heavier resentment towards me. It'll make it easier for me to leave and continue seeking Xena wherever she may be.

Life?

I'm merely using the life Xena gave me. As I've said, Vious died the moment Xena left.

"Eveleen," I said, tapping the nameplate on her desk. "If I leave, make sure to do whatever you can to protect Ulysses from Oryn."

Eveleen Hue Astorias
C.E.O of La Universidad de Alicante

Alicante, my sister's empire.

"Oryn's been looking out for him since he came into his care," she said with finality.

"No scolding?" I asked, smiling.

She's the youngest, but the amount of scolding I've received from her is endless. It often feels like she's the eldest and more mature of us all. Maybe she is. She's stronger, after all, she turned her back on our father's empire—a bold move. And with the creation of Alicante, I can't help but laugh. She's definitely more mature than I, who just ran away to escape from our father.

"You, Viuos," her voice was deeper, "you look like you're about to vanish at any moment. All my advice seems worthless, doesn't it? You're so ready to leave."

I chuckled. "And you're not angry?"

"The last time I was really angry was when you ran for the position of senator. I'm too tired to shout. It feels like I'm talking to a brick wall."

Hindi ko pa pala nasaasabi sa kanya. Being a public figure is the only way I can make things easier for Ulysses. As a public figure, he can find me wherever I am.

I played with Eveleen's pen. It's the only way I know to speed up and end this painful way of breathing.

I just want to rest, and for that, I need my son to become stronger.

"Hindi pa kayo nag–usap?" her eyes didn't meet mine.

"We've talked because I asked him to help me win the election."

She shifted in her chair. "And you didn't explain your side? Kung bakit mo sila pinaampon? Na ang ginagawa ni Oryn ay hindi makatao? Na dapat sa kanya ka dapat lumaki? Why?"

"What for?" I sat down at her desk. "I don't want his resolve to waver."

"Vious," she stood up. "What are you planning?"

I smiled.

"Don't fucking tell me you're planning to use your son to justify your actions as atonement!" she said, shaking her head. "I DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER INTERFERE IN YOUR PLANS, BUT EVERY TIME YOU SMILE WITH THOSE SWOLLEN EYES—PROBABLY FROM CRYING EVERY NIGHT—IT'S HARD FOR ME TOO, VIOUS!"

I sighed. "My speech is now ready for today, Eveleen."

She shook her head again. "Please, Vious."

For the first time, I saw a glint of reaction in Eveleen's eyes. Somehow, that made me happy. The stone cold sister of mine can still feel. I'm glad, she's nothing like me.

I'm glad.

I smiled. "Get up, Eveleen."

Seeing her sobbing on her knees, I realized that, despite our growth, we're still just kids. None of us has really matured.

Ah . . . The sun is up now.

"Please don't hate my son, Eveleen," I said with a chuckle, my eyes fixed at the sun peeking. "You've noticed, haven't you? How he looks just like me? So, Eveleen, please don't hate him. Be someone he can lean on, because it seems he's repeating the same madness I experienced when I fell for Xena."

Ulysses has been following that girl everywhere she goes—in the shadows, in the rain, day and night. Even from a distance, he's always there, watching her.

Ha . . . We really are alike.

I stepped closer to Eveleen and gently wiped her tears. "It's time for my presidential speech, Eveleen." I nodded to reassure her that everything would be alright.

"Don't fall apart, okay?" I whispered.

It's time to bring my atonement to an end. A life for a life. The sun will rise again tomorrow, and at last, I won't be there. 

No more excruciating nightmares and breaths. Thank you, Ulysses Reel Alejandre Astorias.

A/N: Feeling lost? Try to read Sparrow to better understand Vious's point of view. If this is published in print, this special chapter will not be included. Thank you so much and I am sorry for publishing this chapter. I love you!

─ grieving, fairnieves