Destined

Chapter 28-Confrontation

February 5th, year 966 A.R.E

"Amner?"

"Yes?" He looked up from the book that he was holding, one about Roldtzarian customs. Ever since our discussion about his attire, he had been doing nonstop research about what was or wasn't done in our country. Researching as though he would be staying for at least another month.

I sucked in a sharp breath. This wasn't going to be easy at all. "I...I need to speak to you about something important," I faltered, my tongue feeling heavy as lead.

I couldn't do this. I didn't want to do this. I wasn't capable of getting the words out.

But I had to. It was the only way.

"What is it?" Amner carefully shut his book, taking note of the page he was on.

"We'd best sit down," I told him, knowing that the discussion was going to be both physically and emotionally draining.

"This seems very serious," Amner remarked, lowering himself onto the sofa. "Is it very serious?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Ironically, though I'd suggested we sit down for my sake, I sprang up again, wringing my hands over and over, as though it might change the situation somehow.

Amner began to look anxious. "Has something bad happened? Is there a problem in the kingdom? Has something happened to one of your sisters? Is Roldtz at war?" His eyes grew larger and larger with each of his guesses. "Loh, please do not tell me that both my country and yours are fighting!"

"No, no—nothing like that. Forgive me for frightening you." My cheeks flamed. "No, it's nothing like that, I promise."

"What is it, then?" Amner asked urgently. "Please do tell me. I am so worried!"

I wanted to faint. At least then I wouldn't have to say anything. But I stayed frustratingly conscious. Of course.

Then, quite suddenly, the words cannoned from my mouth before I could hold them back, before I could begin the speech I prepared after talking to Katerina, "I need you to go."

Cecelia had been right all along. I was an utter imbecile.

"What?" Amner was trying to process what I had just said, but seemed to be having technical difficulties. "What are you saying? Do you not want me here?"

"I do. I truly, truly do." My throat barely allowed oxygen to pass through; it was that constricted. "Oh, I do want you here. More than you know!"

"Then why are you telling me to leave?" Amner looked up at me, dejected.

I couldn't bear it. "Because I care for you," I cried, admitting the truth out loud for the first time. And the cry came from somewhere deep within me, from a place I hadn't truly known truly existed. It was an abyss; a pit that reached deeper into my soul than anything else ever had.

And that pit ached. And smarted. And stung. And hurt. All at the idea of Amner leaving, perhaps never to return.

"Oh." Amner eyes filled with both shock and delight. But then they gave way to confusion. "But...I thought this was not what you wanted. I thought you just wanted for us to be friends!"

"And that's what I thought I wanted too!" I threw up my hands, cursing my susceptive heart for expanding to admit Amner, yet blessing it at the same time for that very reason. "But things changed...and my feelings just wouldn't stop growing. And I am so, so sorry."

"But I am not sorry. Because I have also come to care for you!" Amner stood and stepped towards me, his cedar eyes glowing with admiration, causing my heart to blaze up with guilt. He reached for my hand, but I backed away.