You Take My Cares Away

Chapter 2 - The Lingering Heaviness of Forgotten Friendships

(Ariana's Pov)

March 19th, 2018

Home, Los Angeles 📍

I felt miserable with everything that happened at the cafe and with what I made her go through. I was a couple of years too late and six months too slow to realize it. I fucked up big time, and I have to live with that, but I just don't want her to see me that way; it hurts.

Ariana's thought: "God, why am I such a dumb fucking stupid ass idiot!" I groaned and put myself down as I lay on the couch. "You made a fool out of yourself in front of her, and I don't know how I didn't break down. I almost did, but I didn't." It frustrated me to know I deserved what happened then and there.

It was all I thought about as I moped around on the couch, replaying our moments back at the cafe. That made me wonder if things could have gone differently; maybe she would've given me a second chance. But with how things went and how long I ignored her, it would've ended all the same, her hating me for leaving her.

I couldn't shake off this feeling of regret and self-loathing; it was basically consuming me. I had let her down, and the pain of knowing that I had hurt her was hard to swallow. Laying down on the couch, lost in these thoughts, I couldn't help but notice the changes in Faith. She was no longer that timid, shy, anxious, and hesitant girl I knew; she changed more than I thought she would into a woman who had clearly moved on from the past, from me.

Realizing that I had missed my chance to be a part of her life again hurt me more than she knows. I wished that I would've realized what she meant to me sooner instead of letting her slip through my fingers. I couldn't help but wonder if things could have turned out differently for both of us.

Ariana's thoughts: "What if I had acted sooner? If I had been more attentive with her? I should've given her some space instead of pushing myself on her like that. I know what I did wrong, but I shouldn't have neglected it for this long."

Without noticing, caught up in my own self-pity, I realized that I have to come to terms with the fact that I had hurt her deeply. My cousin and best friend Courtney walked into the living room and stood right behind the couch, looking at how miserable and lost I was.

Courtney: "Okay? What's wrong with you all of a sudden? I haven't seen you this down since the whole incident last year. I don't want to barge in, but you look horrible. Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed heavily and sat up, running my hand through my hair.

Ariana: "Can you not bring that up, please? I don't want to deal with that too right now."

Courtney: "Okay, if it's not that, then what the hell are you so worried about? I can't help you if I don't know, Ari."

Ariana: "I want to cry, Courtney, so badly right now because of how badly I fucked up things."

I was close to the verge of crying, using up all the courage I had not to on that day in front of her. Having to talk to the barista like that after she walked away, putting on a fake smile that felt horrible. I should've cried then and there, but I didn't; it's not fair that I care this much.

Courtney: "Woah! This is like code blue type of shit. Give me a second; I'll get the blanket and tissues. Do I also need to get your favorite snacks, or never mind, this isn't a good time to joke around." She tried to act funny to brighten up my mood.

She sat down next to me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I gave her a quick glance with my saddened eyes before looking down, fidgeting with my sweater.