Heart on Fire

Chapter 6: Sebastian

Sebastian

My steps are lighter as I walk into the fire station today. After my talk with Eloise I feel we are one step closer to being back on track. I know I still have a lot of work to do to gain back her trust and prove to her I'm not leaving. Leaving was never an option for me when I first moved back. But it's even more not an option now that I know about Morgan.

Morgan.

My daughter.

It's surreal saying that I have a daughter. My focus is now proving myself to not only Eloise but to Henry as well so that I can finally meet Morgan. Watching Morgan sleep from her doorway wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed to know her. I need to hold her and tell her I loved her.

Chris is standing at his locker when I walk in. Our chat on my first day was tough. I didn't explain to him all that happened because I wanted to tell Eloise first. Now that she knows, I'm ready to tell Chris as well. Chris did not hold back his feelings when we talked. He told me how angry he was for not only abandoning Elosie but also him. It's only now that I am back do I see the errors of my ways.

Elosie and Chris should have known from the very beginning. I could have used their support when mom died. It's a mistake I'll be making up for the rest of my life.

"Hey man." I nod at him as I walk by.

"Heard you talked to Lo."

I nod and shrug off my coat. "Yeah, I talked to her the other night."

Glancing around I make sure we are alone. I sit down and rest my elbows on my knees. "I know when I first got here I wouldn't tell you where I was. But I needed to tell Eloise first. I hope you understand." I said solemnly.

Chris sighs as he drops on the seat across from me.

"I can understand that."

I rub my hands together before I launch into where I was and why I left. When I'm done telling him everything I see the hurt and sadness in his eyes. Chris loved my mom just as much as I loved his. I can admit now I did not handle everything the way I should have. But being eighteen and about to lose my mom it was all too much to handle.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone." Chris said with tears in his eyes.

"When we found out about the cancer I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was lost for the longest time after mom died. I knew I had to get my life together before I came back. My goal was always to come back." I explained.

Chris ran a hand through his hair. "Eloise was a mess after you left. She called me every night crying and asking what she did wrong for you to leave her." He leaned forward and wiped away a few tears that slipped down his cheeks. "I hated you for a long time, Sebastian."

Those words were like a kick to the gut. Chris was my best friend. I can't stand the thought of him hating me.

"You have your work cut out for you." He said, looking me in the eye. "But let me make one thing clear." He leaned forward and pointed his finger at me. "If you break not only Elosie's heart but Morgan's as well. I will kill you."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "Understood."

As Chris got up to leave I stopped him before he could leave the room.

"But I'm not going anywhere. And I won't let anyone stand in the way of me getting to know my daughter."

Chris stood in the doorway for a moment then nodded and walked away.

The rest of the day was chaotic. We were called to two house fires and four medical calls. By the time we got back from our last call, my back was killing me. The pain from the burns will always be there but they are manageable.

As soon as the lights go out in the room and people begin to snore I take out my phone and text Eloise.

"I'm working the next three days but maybe afterwards we can meet up? I'd like to meet Morgan officially."

I hit send and wait for what feels like hours waiting for Eloise to respond. I hold my breath when I see the dots dancing at the bottom of the screen. They continue to dance for another minute before they stop.

My heart sinks when I realize she isn't going to message me back. Did I push her too far by asking to meet Morgan? Is that why she isn't responding? If it is, why is she hesitating? Eloise shouldn't be surprised that I want to meet my daughter. I know she's scared but I'm not going to hurt Morgan.

Just as my thoughts begin to spiral my phone vibrates.

Eloise: "I think we should wait on telling her you are her dad. Morgan is still too young to understand why you weren't around. We can introduce you as a friend and after you spend more time together, we can discuss telling her."

She's right. I know she's right but it still doesn't stop the hurt I feel. But I'll do this for her because I know in my heart she is only looking out for Morgan. And I need to do this for Morgan too.

I'm not going anywhere and Eloise will see that soon enough.