My Crazy Life

Chapter Nine: Borderline Crazy

I'd been single for almost two years by now and I wasn't interested in being with anyone. Well, there was one person I wanted to be with. Myron. I'd been in love with him since we broke up nearly five years ago. One day, he added me on Facebook, and we got talking. He told me he was doing a DJ set at a club night. So me and my ex-housemate Kirsty (who's still a good friend) went along. We had a really great time and the day after Myron sent me a message saying 'thanks for coming last night'. We got chatting again and he asked me if I wanted to go out. I was thrilled. He then said, 'should we change our relationship status?' I was even more thrilled at that! We started going out and have been together since.

I hadn't written anything for a while and was beginning to look everywhere and anywhere for inspiration. Then it hit me. I would do a spin off from my first book, Rainbow Balloons. The Popper is the same story but from Anna's balloon fetishist husband Mark's point of view. I published The Popper in October 2018 after roughly three months of hard work. Then I had an idea for another novel. The Fan follows sixteen year old Amber Williams as she travels halfway round the world to find her idol, Jonas James. This book was inspired by me being a fan of Basil Brush. It sounds silly, but hear me out. Jonas isn't very popular in England, where he's from, and I wanted to convey what it was like to be so into something people don't take seriously. I ended up writing four parts to the story and compiling them all into one novel.

On 5th September 2018, two days after my twenty sixth birthday, my life was changed for the better when I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It started when I had an appointment with the psychiatrist. The appointment was about changing my medication, but within minutes of talking to me and reading my file, the doctor knew I had BPD. It was such a relief to know what was wrong with me, and it answered a lot of questions. My mum and I had always said there was something other than autism, and now we had some answers.

I'd been a huge fan of JLS since I saw them on the X Factor. Well, actually, it was since they released their single, Beat Again. Anyway, when they broke up I was devastated, But then in 2018 it was announced that Aston (my namesake!) would be doing a tour called Rip It Up, which was focused on dancing after he appeared on Strictly. Harry from McFly and Louis Smith were also involved. I asked my mum to get tickets, and on my 26th birthday, she surprised me with VIP tickets, which meant I was going to be meeting all three boys! I was most excited about meeting Aston though.

The day of the show came around and I was soooo excited. We got to the theatre early as we were told to, and then we were let into the actual auditorium. Then when I saw Aston I was so excited I cried, haha. It was a great experience, I got a photo with him and I will always treasure the time I met him.

After the first time, we made it a tradition to go and see Basil Brush at Windsor every year. Well, that's not quite the way to put it; I insisted that we go every year! But my parents didn't mind. The second time around I also met Anne Hegerty from The Chase, who is also autistic. Again I cried, haha.

2018 was a great year. Lots of good things happened that year. But unfortunately, 2019 wasn't so great. I'd been going to bingo with my grandma for a few years now, and one night she rang me to say she wasn't feeling very well, and she wouldn't be going the next day.

Little did I know this would be the last time I spoke to my grandma.

I should have known something wasn't right. It's not like my grandma to not want to go to bingo. Anyway, the next day (or maybe it was two days later, I can't remember; this particular time is a blur), she got rushed to hospital and was on the critical care unit. She had diabetes and she hadn't been looking after it very well. On the Saturday I went out with Myron, but my thoughts were understandably elsewhere.

On the Sunday my mum came round to deliver the sad news. My grandma had passed away. I went up to the hospital to be with her after her machines were turned off. But as before with Katie and Sadie, I didn't cry till much later. My mum was in floods of tears and I felt like an emotionless robot next to her. I felt so guilty.

I was due to go and see Basil Brush in Easter panto two days later, and I was wondering if I should still go. My mum said yes I should still go, as grandma would have wanted me to go and have fun. But I felt guilty all the time I was there.

Luckily Myron was there for me throughout this sad time, and I don't know what I would have done without him. He even came to the funeral with me, for emotional support.

Life goes on, I guess. But I was extremely close to my grandma and her passing was a huge shock to us all. I think about her every day, and quite often see her in my dreams. I guess that's my way of coping with things. My mum says I've done amazingly well. I don't know if I agree with that or not; I've just tried to get by during this sad time.