Vent Book :D

Apologies.

(TW: touchy subjects, drama?)

<This is messy.>

I am so exhausted just trying to live up to everyone's standards.

I can't make anyone happy and it has to be my fault. I can't believe that I ruined like what.

23 relationships?

My aunt told me I did something wrong. I hate myself and I wish I didn't and I can't help it.

I constantly feel like oh maybe I am a narcissist or oh maybe I am self absorbed. I'm sure some of those 23 people reading this are like "no shit" so.

I regret not going through with my "plan" back in June. I coulda done it. None of this woulda happened. Summer wouldn't be wasted. I could have focused on my mental health instead of subjecting myself to more and making myself a toxic person because I don't know how else to act.

Crys was right.

Eowyn was right.

Kat was right.

Mike was right.

—— was right.

Wooper was right.

Brina was right.

Ari was right.

Ace was right.

I'm sorry crys. I'm sorry I'm not as mature as most. I'm sorry I can't do it and I'm sorry I hurt you and everyone else. I was scared. And okay, I'll have fun in hell. I like the feeling of being burned anyways.

I'm sorry Eowyn. I'm sorry I never understood you, so I treated you differently. I was scared of what you could do if I upset you, and clearly we see what happened. I'm sorry I hide behind my issues. I'm sorry I cannot be a better person for you.

I'm sorry for venting kat I should've asked I shouldn't be doing that that's on me you never wronged me I just wanna protect my friends. Please don't leave this earth, better people are still out there.

I'm sorry Mike. I shouldn't have vented to you either, I feel like I did something wrong and I don't want the one person I feel like I can truly trust to not trust me. It's okay if you don't want to talk to me. Also you don't need to feel obligated to do things just to make me happy. 

—— ——, fuck you.

Wooper you really hurt me and I cannot find anything to apologize to you for. Yes, you care about me. You don't care about me enough to invite me to your party for the past two years (petty on my part but still) like am I that FUCKING horrible as a person? It's okay I just don't understand. I also hope everything is getting better for you as well.

Brina I hope you come back. I'm sorry for being so agressive.

Ari I'm sorry but also fuck you. I wish I had the balls to ruin your life but I just can't get myself to. I care about you no matter how badly I want to hurt you.

Ace, no apology for you. You're disgusting. A 14 year old kid who cannot treat people with any decency. I hate you more than Eowyn at this point. Actually I hate you more than I hate myself. Don't ever speak to anyone I know again. And do not ever think about talking to cay again. Do that, and I'll have a talk with you face to face. <3

According to most I just mentioned...

I'm an attention seeker. A sick individual. A retarded useless lifeform. Someone who deserves what they get. Someone who ruins everyone's lives. Someone who lives for justice. Someone who can't take a joke. Someone who makes their identity their personality. Someone who can't see others sides. Someone who gaslights. Someone who is mentally unstable.

someone who deserves to die.