Nyanko da! (ft Natsume): A Brothers Conflict Fanfic

Chapter 57: That Sounds Complicated

It might be wrong of me to directly ask my mother about something painful. No one wants to be in the room when their brother is having a fight with their mother. Likewise, no one wants to be in the room with both parents fighting, either. In this case, I have the advantage of being all the way in Tokyo, far away and far removed from anything going on at home. While I see this as a relief thing for myself, I can't help but feel guilty, as though moving away I've also intentionally separated myself from anything and everything to do with home.

So maybe it's not the right decision to ask my mother about her fight with Shin, but so far I've been acting on the assumption that it was all Shin's doing, that he was the one with the problem, that he might have been bullied about something to do with his adoption. Or that it was his emotions getting the better of him that started and ended the fight.

But what else am I missing? I realize I don't want to blame Shin or my mother. I don't want to take sides in my own family and base what I do on that assumption.

If anything, being away from my family has given me the privilege of looking at it from an outside perspective. Since I'm not there, I don't need to worry about taking sides or defending any one person. Shame floods me as I remember all the things I said to Shin at the restaurant.

He was still being a brat, but I should have tried to listen more.

Being a good adult sure is hard.

Next time I'll try to wait and listen. Who knows? My mother might not tell me anything, but who are we kidding? In our shared worry over Shin we're both in a sharing mood. I'm hoping that whatever she decides to tell me will help us find Shin again.

"You don't need to tell me everything," I say to my mother. "I don't need to know every little thing. It's just that I wasn't there, and Shin wouldn't talk about it. I was wondering if you would be okay talking about it instead."

Then I leave the words with her. The next move is hers.

Ema waits with me, the two of us downing our tea to soothe our nerves. She gets up at one point to get more tea, kindly making a new batch of mugicha. It's when she sets down the next round that Kaasan speaks.

Her voice is faint, like she's still unsure about talking about things. And that's okay.

"He said one of the boys at school was talking about it," my mother murmurs. "One of them heard something from their parents. About us."

"Us" being our family? I wonder.

"I didn't think anyone else knew about it."

No one had ever spoken openly about our adoptions back at home. Not outside the family, at least. My friends didn't know, though they might have had their suspicions. The fact that Shin and I don't look alike, that we don't really resemble our parents as much as the other people in our classes. In Japan we have the benefit of mostly looking alike, but there are still so many things you can notice about a person. Once you look closer, you'll find that we're all very different.

"It was an awful rumour he heard," my mother continues. "Something about how for a long time your otousan and I didn't have children. Back in those days everyone got married, had kids, and went on with their lives. Your otousan and I got married, but when we didn't have kids it was hard for people not to talk about it."

Through the phone I hear the pain in her voice. I can't imagine what that would be like. For myself, I'm going to be twenty soon. It's no longer the legal age of adulthood, but it's still a major milestone. When my parents were my age there was a different kind of normal. If I'd been their age during that time, would I be expected to be a certain kind of normal, too?