An Aloof's Daily Log

Log 3

It's your girl Samantha!

Again, with a log for today...

The sky's gloomy by the way. It reminds me of a not-so-distant past that led me to the me today.

Congrats self! Because we're somewhat over with the school drama hahaha.

Now, let me tell you my summer break...

Summer break was not what I was expecting. Although the part where school still continues because of that one school project, yeah I expected that for a few weeks prior.

Now days before the deadline, I was hospitalized.

Guess why I got hospitalized?

It's due to prolonged untreated cough. Pneumonia was the diagnosis.

So I was about to cram the project the day I got hospitalized so that I'd finished it by the deadline.

And boy, my Mom was furious and said, "Why'd you even bring a laptop here? You're sick and we're trying to get you healed then you're adding more stress to yourself? Nah-uh, turn that thing off and rest!"

Of course, partially I listened and partially did not. I still did the project but passed it late. And wow, when I got the project back from my teacher checking, I managed to get a 94.

Up till now, I'd laugh about it because I remembered how I crammed the output and ate the rations in the hospital while doing it. By the way, the rations were so good. I ate pork chops every now and then!

Okay back to the topic.

I actually wasn't really happy being hospitalized and I felt that my cough is going to heal for how many months. I was actually scared because it was the first time in a long time. And my Mom never failed to remind me that all of this was the prolonged stress that I had during the semester.

Of course, I had to study all day long, all night long because of pressure and fear of hearing the sentence, "Ahh so your classmate scored higher than you?"

Then, I got out of the hospital and a day after was when I passed the project which I got back when the enrollment for the new school year started.

But after the hospitalization, things continued to go downhill. I got medications but then my cough wasn't disappearing any time soon. Next, we opted to go to the city for stronger treatment but then the medications weren't working for me as well.

That time was a brutal experience. We had to loan money anywhere we could think off because we're not rich. And also, my mom and dad separated although not legally. They just prefer going different paths to which my mom took the path where me and my siblings are present.

So, with loans and debt, Mom is always moody. Every time she's angry about me getting sick. I mean who could blame their child? But honestly, it was partially my fault.

Anyway, I lived off the days trying to forget the problem. I started watching few Anime series and post content on TikTok.

But then, every night, I was reminded of the pain being a burden to my mother...

Eventually, I was slowly getting better because we asked the pediatrician that always catered to me when I was a baby. She prescribed me an inhaler. I found out I got an allergic cough.

Things were getting better but we're still in debt as of the moment.

I still couldn't move on with my summer break this year.

I did not have the chance to even enjoy it.

It was all full of pain and blame.

I blame myself...

...for making my Mom suffer this life she never chose.

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