Stuck Up

Constance ~ On Edge Today?

2:00 A.M.

I kissed Salem Dalton. Stupid. You're stupid, Constance.

Oh, God, her lips tasted so good. Her skin was so soft.

No, you were drunk and horny. That was a mistake. You can't do that again.

But why didn't it feel like one? Why did it feel just right? Why did her hands feel like they were made to grab my hips? Why did her tongue caress mine like it's been there, before?

These thoughts have been at war with each other for the past two hours. I haven't slept a wink of sleep, which fortunately won't matter since I no longer have a day job. But how am I going to show my face, later? How can I look into Salem's piercing gray eyes and pretend I didn't do what I did? It's not like we could really be together. I can't be with someone I treated so horribly in the past. I still don't understand why Salem wants me. She deserves better than me.

I regret the way I treated a lot of people, back then, but especially her. She'd made it blatantly obvious that she liked me without having to say a word. Her eyes always spoke for her. Truthfully, those eyes always made me nervous. She's the type to keep eye contact even when you've caught her staring. That intimidated me, then annoyed me because people normally ran the second I was onto them. She was so sure of herself, for a loner, and I envied that. Salem was never an ugly girl, but I'd considered myself way out of her league in high school. Still, she had qualities that I didn't find in many other people.

It takes me awhile to get myself to fall asleep, which is why the knock on my bedroom door at a quarter to seven gets a loud groan in response.

"Connie?" Willow nervously calls from the other side of the door.

"Come in," I mumble into my pillows.

"Can we talk?" I hear the door click closed behind her. "I'm going to work, and I don't want this hanging over my head, anymore."

I've been practicing my own conversation with her, in my head. I'd say her and Seth, but they seem to speak with one voice, anyway. "Maybe I should start," I sit up and motion for her to take a seat next to me. When she does, I take a deep breath and look into her eyes. "This relationship is not working for me."

Nodding slowly, her eyes drop to the ground. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

"I say this with no animosity, but you and Seth deserve each other. You only invited me in because I was lonely, and taking that offer was a mistake." I mean every word. I was upset with them before, but I don't want to lose my best friend to something so dumb and reckless.

"Connie, I do love you and you're amazing—"

"I know," I stop her. "I love you too, but this should not have been attempted. It's only driving a wedge between us."

Willow's deep brown eyes flood with sadness. "Did I ruin our friendship?"

Without hesitation, I reach over and wrap my arms around her neck. She returns the gesture almost immediately. "No. We'll always be friends."

***

I will pass out if my heartbeat does not calm the hell down. I'm standing outside of the club's doors, 4:29 P.M., trying to figure out the best way to avoid Salem. She trains me, for crying out loud. Last night is a conversation I'm not prepared to talk about, yet.