Stuck Up

Constance - All Grown Up Now?

4:45 AM.

That's a little better, I guess? I slept pretty hard after Willow and I became of pair of scissors, last night. How do I feel about our situation, now? I still don't know. The issue was between all three of us, not just Willow and I. I didn't complain, though – on the spectrum of bisexuality, I am definitely fonder of girls.

Since I'm off from work today, I can go to the gym and then get some schoolwork done. I always liked learning new things. It's part of why I want to be a doctor – the human body is so amazing and sometimes chaotic. I know I made fun of nerds back in high school, but I was secretly one, too. Nobody knew, but I was always acing my classes.

A hard couple of knocks at my door makes me jump, a little. It's Seth; he doesn't mean to knock hard, he's just a six-foot brute with a heavy hand. "Come in, Seth." I call out.

Seth slowly steps in, wearing his basketball shorts and a muscle tank. "Hey. Are you still coming?"

"Of course," I throw my blanket off, exposing my naked body without caring. "I have to keep my ass fat, unlike Willow." My remark comes off a little harsher than intended.

"Well, didn't Willow make it up to you, last night?" He responds with a shrug.

"She told you?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. She told me beforehand."

I stand up from my bed, still naked. "So, what, it was a plan? It was damage-control? She didn't really want me?"

"Of course, she did—"

"And did you really work a double? Or were you just waiting for her to tire me out so you two can get it on?" I raise my voice, shoving him, now. "I mean, what are we even doing?!"

I end up shoving him completely out of my room and slamming the door in his face before he can say another word. I get mad fast, especially when I'm piecing together some fuckery. This type of relationship is not for the weak, and maybe that's what I am. Weak. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel craved. I might be even be touch-deprived, and I don't blame that completely on Seth and Willow.

My parents didn't love me or my brother, or at least they didn't show it. They had us way too young and weren't ready, anyway. Fighting with my mom and dad felt like fighting with siblings, and my brother was the adult. He was always the mediator, the devil's advocate, the reasonable one. Then one day, he got a football scholarship and brought it up to our parents, who didn't approve. They weren't even the least bit excited. They wanted him to be a lawyer, or some shit. He had to go and follow his dreams, and he's doing great. He has a girlfriend and everything.

When is my breakthrough?

I hear the front door open and close, and I know Seth has just gone to the gym. I won't be joining him, but I decided to throw on my neon green exercise shorts and tank, anyway. I'll go for a run like I used to do on mornings before school. It was a good stress reliever when dealing with my parents, I didn't think I'd have to do it because of these two.

I spend about an hour doing some light jogging, then finished it off with a little muscle training. I've spent years maintaining my shape and I'll be damned if someone isn't going to worship my body.

When I get back in the house, Willow is already up and making her everything bagel. We exchange a glance, but not words. I think she may have talked to Seth, already.

With my head high and my earbuds in, I stroll into my room and close the door behind me. Just another hour until she leaves, and I can stop pretending I'm not hiding from her. I normally don't run away from my problems, but this is a first. I always had whoever I wanted, and I never got serious with anyone. I only did this relationship because Willow convinced me, and she's my best friend. I always had a thing for her, but I bit my tongue in fear of exactly what's happening, now.