Pen and Paper

1

Dearest,

I have kept a secret all these times. And in every line I sketch in a letter, I am tempted to tell you. But I was afraid.

I am a coward, I admit.

All these times, I contented myself to just watching you smile, and I tell you so.

But you are so much more than an inspiration among my cloudy heavens. You placed yourself in a much deeper portion in my heart.

I love you, and you must have known.

But I haven’t been fair to you.

Keeping this secret, I have caused you pain.

I have hurt you, and I’ll never forgive myself because I know that your precious tears have touched the ground because of my own naught.

I can only hope that a day should come that you forgive me. But I daren’t ask for it, I know that I can never fully deserve it. I am so sorry my love. Know that I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to love you. And it wasn’t fair for you.

I promise that you will never see me again. It was all you asked of me. And although you have killed my heart when you asked me that, I will commit that murder for you.

I love you…

,Today

,from Yesterday

,until Tomorrow

And till forever comes and settles to the day when rewinding the clock seconds, you had told me that you love me too…

  1'

Manila, Philippines.

             The sun rays streak down through the tall buildings. It wasn’t such a pretty sight, especially due to the fact that the heat waves burn all it touches, yet a heavy rain is falling from the clouds. The world might’ve been all in its topsy turvies. But it is the city after all. Then maybe all cities really just emanate its vanity through pollution.

              I sighed. There were thick piles of papers on the desk, submitted to me just earlier this afternoon. But I don’t have my heart with me today. It’s what you may call a writer’s block. And it doesn’t feel too good, especially today when I should be doing a lot of things. Oh, Mr. Enriquez is so going to kill me.

             The telephone, although already buried by the massive pile of papers, rang shrilly and broke the uncanny silence in the office. I decided, that since I had pretended to be too busy in about 15 times already and had ignored the call long enough this day, I finally decided to answer it. I just hoped it wasn’t Mr. Enriquez demanding for the Feature I had been working on for ‘too long’. Because quite honestly, I didn’t even understand the long articles that I had deliberately stared at for the last two hours.

             “Hello?” I answered the phone.

             “Ms. De Guzman, there’s a phone call for you on line three.” Carol informed me. Tilting my head to peep out the glass wall, I saw her by her desk, clutching the phone. She saw me looking and she winked.

              “I told you to call me Ianne.” I said, laughing. “‘Ms. De Guzman’ makes me feel old.”

               Carol looked around warily, before exhaling in relief. “Yeah, but if Mr. Enriquez hears me, he will make me older. You know how he gets. ‘Respect your colleagues. No friends allowed. No smiling. No breathing.’”  She screwed up her face as she mimicked the deep baritone of Mr. Enriquez. I chuckled. “Careful Carol, he might be spying on us again.”