SANTA BABY

- Champagne and Coke-

The morning was cold, Carmen loved the icy autumn-winter mornings, she preferred them a thousand times over the stormy hot and dry summer nights when you can't sleep, when no matter how many times a day you shower you're always sweaty, but in winter everything is different, and she adored feeling her toes thaw with the boiling water of the shower, after all, she used to shower with water hot enough to make coffee, so she would come out with rosy skin and wrapped in a visible cloud of steam that collided with the foggy windows and the cold metal of the base of her bed, leaving a sauna-like atmosphere. Carmen dressed in black woolen trousers and looked for her fluffiest sweater, then brushed her hair and tied it back in a simple ponytail. She had more tea with some oatmeal cookies that her grandmother had given her (and which in turn had been given to her, even though she detests them), arranged her bag, and set off to the office. On the way (as it seemed she was a bit of a masochist), she once again opened her social media and saw more perfect pictures of her acquaintances' Christmas trees, many images of smiling couples in new holiday pajamas posing next to trees straight out of the Ikea catalog, as well as chubby and smiling children drinking hot chocolate and beautiful women with figures worthy of Victoria's Secret on paradisiacal beaches or playing with snow in postcard landscapes like the Alps or Turin, She knew deep down that that world wasn't real, but it looked so perfect that it was easy to forget. In comparison, her life was trash. She felt a twinge in her stomach and made a decision: no more social media for the rest of the year, Carmen was sure that if she kept seeing those idyllic images, the seasonal depression would eventually lead her to suicide, and even though her own life was worth less to her than a carrot, She would never forgive herself for leaving Ziggy alone again; imagining him back on the street broke her heart (she was certain that if she were gone, neither her family nor her "friends" would take him in, and they might even put him to sleep).

Moreover, being connected all the time is a bit costly, especially in such a large city where the "public" networks are almost always saturated or risky, and if she kept spending on plans for her mobile, she would never achieve her dream of owning a café. She had to stop spending on things that didn't make her happy.

At the office, the only topic of conversation was the end-of-year party; everything revolved around it. Groups of friends organized to arrive together, the women talked about their outfits and makeup, and everyone wondered about the menu and the decorations. She wasn't very excited about it, finished her work quickly, and spent part of the day writing emails wishing happy holidays to her contacts and clients who were taking vacations in the following days. While she was killing time with that, her boss arrived and, without warning, placed a miniature Christmas tree on her desk, She told her that she looked like she was in need of some Christmas spirit and gave her a concerned smile. When Carmen looked around, she noticed there was some truth in what her boss said, for everyone was dressed in cheerier tones than usual, reds, greens, blues, even hints of metallic colors, while she, in contrast, almost matched the furniture. As her only response, she smiled slightly, thanked her, and continued working.

In previous years, she had had gatherings with her friends and gift exchanges; even one of those toasts (which ended in a drunken spree) was at her house. But since Mariana's engagement, those things had come to an end. In a way, she, her oldest friend, was her strongest link to the outside world, and now that she lived only for Roman, Carmen was exhausted, she tried several times to join the others, they never refused, but they always left her at the last minute, this year she didn't feel like going home for Christmas, but she had nothing else that could free her from that painful commitment, besides the fact that all the others seemed to limit themselves to giving it their side, with no other better plan, Carmen had not decided what she would do, but she knew that for her this would not be a white Christmas, but rather a very dark one.