Tunnel Vision

Chapter 1

I always imagined that life was supposed to be easy. You know where you have a happy childhood and grow up and get married. Have kids and be happy for eternity. Well, I learned the hard way that it's not. There are ups and downs, and for me, the bad outweighs the good. This is my story.

I wish I remembered the day my mom gave me to my godparents, but I don't. You see, my mom was the type to care more about the money she could get from the government from her children than her actual children themselves. But I will never regret that she introduced me to the best two parents I could have ever asked for. My Carolyn and Frankie. I was like their first child, and boy did they love me. I regret not having memory of my childhood, but boy did I love them so much.

I remember the huge family photo that hung in their living room; it's there to this day. I was their baby and always will be. I would be there 24/7 without my mom even stopping by for a visit. From what I am told, they raised me up until I was five years old. And boy, the smile on my face I see looking at past photos, I have never seen since.

I have no memory of all those amazing years of my life, and it hurts. I do remember small pieces like Mrs. Louise and Papa; they were Carolyn's parents, and they loved me just like I was really their grandchild. They took care of me as much as my godparents did. I slightly remember being in the garden with Papa and picking vegetables for dinner while I was with them. I get triggered with good memories whenever I smell fresh meat or a meat shed, because Papa had one. We would go in there, and I always thought it was weird but oddly smelled of smoked meat, and it was pleasant.

Those are some of the only memories I have currently, and it is very painful. I have always tried to piece my childhood together, but it wouldn't work. I am missing 12 years of memories in my life because of an event that I would have never imagined happening to me. I am now 27 years old, and I just need to write out my feelings and what happened, so here I am.

I remember sitting on the porch on the swing with Papa, and he used to smoke his cigar, and I would have a fake one so we could be twins. For some reason he would call me his little boy. Clearly I am a girl, but I never let it bother me because he loved me to pieces. His and his wife's house was filled with pictures of me, just like my godparents home.

They taught me what real love felt like and looked like. These were two couples that truly loved each other. My godfather was blind, but that never changed the love he had for me or his wife. Carolyn was his life, and I was his baby, up until his sickness took him away from me in 2014. I was devastated, and I still am to this day. He was the true definition of a real man, and I have yet to meet another yet. 

This book is my life and even if it get no reads, this is my story and I'm ready to share. There is so much more to come. I've had a wild 27 years of life and this is just the beginning of my story. I hope you enjoy, there is so much left to say.