Mine - Spencer Reid X Reader

You Learn My Secrets And You Figure Out Why I'm Guarded

There's a tense silence over the team. "Dilaudid? What's tha-" I stop when my dad purposely bumps my knew under the table, silently telling me to shut up and drop it.

Everyone's gazes have landed on Dr. Reid. He glances at me, then JJ, and finally back to Garcia, seemingly telling her to continue.

She gives him an empathetic look and a small smile before continuing.

"Victim three," she says, showing a slide of the next man who is eerily similar. "Eric Rodgers. 25. 6'1". Brunette. He just graduated with a PhD last year. Also found with dilaudid in his system."

Eric Rodgers.... Something about these victims...

"And that leads us to victim four. Matthew Case. 32. Police officer from New York. In town for his childhood friend's wedding. 6'1". Burnette. And you guessed it, also found with dilaudid in his system. In addition to the enucleation, the Unsub has left us a note."

She flips to the next slide.

"Typed. No fingerprints. Basic printer paper. The letter...."

The team takes a moment to read through the letter on their tablets, and in Dr. Reid's case, paper. I don't notice anything completely out of the ordinary. But after a minute, the teams gazes are once again focused on Dr. Reid. After a moment, he stands up from his seat next to me.

"Spence-" Garcia starts.

"I just- I need a moment." He walks away and out the door, leaving the briefing room.

I look around at the group, confused. "I'm sorry, I think I'm missing something. What's going on?"

The team looks at each other, as if deciding what to tell me. This can't be good.

"You should talk to Spence. Just.... give him a moment," JJ tells me. I nod and get up to follow him.

_____________________________

I find him on the floor of some hallway, ten minutes after I left the briefing. I silently sit down next to him. After a couple of minutes of silence, I speak.

"You okay?"

He looks up from the floor and over at me, guarded. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I can see right through his defenses.

"What was that about in the briefing room?" He looks away from me and back at the floor. "You don't have to tell me."

He doesn't reply.

"I know I said you don't have to tell me, but you should tell me." I don't look at him this time, just straight ahead. "You know, I tried to distance myself from my father's life and all of you. It's less about proving to all of you that I can do this alone, and more about proving it to myself. If I can't be here because of me, I don't deserve to be here."

He sighs and looks back up at the floor, also staring straight ahead at the other side of the hallway. "Twelve years ago, I was kidnapped by an Unsub. Tobias Hankle. He had dissociative identity disorder. His father had told Tobias to kill him. It caused a break and-" his voice breaks slightly. "JJ and I split up. My idea. He found me out behind the barn." I can hear him trying to keep himself together. I rest my hand on the floor between us.

"He took me out to an old cemetery where he used to get high. He drugged me. Tortured me. He had me choose who would live." I can hear how his eyes well with tears. "I was twenty-five. Elle, our teammate, had just left. I was blaming myself. Before they found me, I died. Tobias revived me soon after, but I was dead for... I don't know how long. And he got me addicted. I know now that it's not my fault. It's still hard not to blame myself. I used for a while, dilaudid. Then Gideon left. He left me a letter. You know who else wrote me a letter when he left? My father. I had just gotten clean."

I look over at him. Seeing this man break hurts me. He puts up walls. Fronts to hide how much he's hurting. But right now, in this moment, they fall down.

"Then, two years ago, I was framed for murder in Mexico. I was getting medicine for my mom. She has schizophrenia and alzheimers. I was drugged. I don't remember much. Cat Adams, she was a hitwoman who we arrested, she framed me. She messed with my head. They kidnapped my mom once I figured them out. I was in prison for three months. She pretended to be pregnant with my baby. She said that when she sent her partner, Lindsey, down to Mexico, she assaulted me. It wasn't my child, but I still don't know if that's true. My brain, the drugs, it's all messing with my head. I can remember it, I just don't know if it's true."

I fully turn to look at him, and I can see a small tear escape his eye before he pulls himself back together.

"I'm really sorry. No one should have to go through any of that."

"I was almost ten years sober," he says calmly, setting his hand on mine and squeezing, clinging on for dear life.

"You know what, I don't think that counts. I don't think that should count as a relapse. I don't think that being unwillingly drugged gets to take away the years of hard work you put in."

"It still happened."

"That doesn't make it your fault."

He looks at me and gives me a small smile, his eyes filled with tears. "Thank you."

We look at each other for a minute, silent.

"What's with the tablets?" I ask with a small smile.

He laughs slightly. "Yeah. That's Garcia. I hate technology."

I laugh a little too.

_____________________________

"That is definitely a jet," I say with a small laugh. I'm in a SUV with my father driving and SSA Prentiss up front. I am sitting in the back with Dr. Reid. My father keeps glancing at us in the rear view mirror, checking on Dr. Reid and I. He doesn't trust me. I think I've made progress with Dr. Reid, though.

"A jet it is," my father responds.

I can feel Dr. Reid's eyes on me from the seat next to me. I look at him and give him a small smile. One which he returns.

_____________________________

"You can sit with me," Dr. Reid offers as I look for a spot on the jet. I give him a small smile.

"Thank you," I say as I sit down next to him on the couch in the back of the jet.

I look at my dad, silently telling him not to say anything as I see him eye Dr. Reid as I sit down.

"It's no problem," Dr. Reid responds, smiling back.