Chapter 10: The Safe Heaven

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"I don't think she wants to talk about it" Aris says as I don't say a thing for a while. I just look around me, as if I can't hear what they're saying.
"I think she just can't concentrate with Newt near her" Minho says, you could hear the jealousy in his voice. But why would he be jealous? 
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" I say as I look Minho directly in his eyes.
"Nothing" Minho says, as if he's embarressed about being caught. 
I take a look at everyone around me, everyone looks tired. Shit, I woke them up.
"Lena, tell me what's going on" Aris says as he slowly reaches for my arm. Before he could touch me I pulled my arm away, I didn't want anyone to touch me right now.
"Okay uhm, I used to have nightterrors when the girls left. They went away since we had left WICKED but I started having nightmares again yesterday." I say, a sigh escapes my lips.
"I guess that the nightterrors are slowly coming back, because this one wasn't as worse as the ones before. I'm sure they'll leave again" I say, my eyes tearing up even though there is no reason too. I just feel like shit, I woke them up because I couldn't control my nightterrors, again. It's happening all over again.
"Hey, it's alright. We'll stay by your side if you want to" Newt says. My heart beats in my chest while my head is running a mile. I can't stop my head from thinking.
"Well no, how do you want to explain it if tomorrow morning Jorge walks in, checking on his daughter, only to find her with a group of boys in her room" Minho says.
"Then we're already dead" He adds.
I look at him, knowing that he has a point. But I just can't shake the feeling, the nightmare that just keeps replaying in my head.
"I'll stay with her" Teresa says, I never mentioned her comming into the room. I look at her, a smile that says 'thank you' creeps on my lips. 
"Thanks Teresa" Newt says as they leave the room. Leaving me and Teresa behind.
"I saw the way you look at Newt, you like him. Don't you?" Teresa says, that knowing smile on her lips. 
"I don't know, I actually don't know.. Yes I like being around him, it feels like I can't breath when I'm not, but I don't know if it's love or just my mind playing tricks on me." I say, starting to lose control of my mind.
"Trust me, it's love. The way he looks at you says everything, the way he's protective over you and the way he jumped after you when we escaped! That screams love" She says. My cheeks turn red as I look around, not being able to get any hold of my thoughts. They go from; Does he like me? To; He for sure doesn't, he probably thinks of me as his little sister. 
As the night fades, I fall asleep. The smile on my lips never fading, as my thoughts kept running. But when I finally drift away, the world was silent.
....
"Lena, wake up. We have to go" Teresa says, she stayed with me the whole night and I was really thankfull for that.
"Why?" I groan as I turn around, my face burried in my pillow.
"We're going to the safe heaven" Teresa says as she stands up. I turn my head so I can look at her, she didn't seem like she was lying. Even though I wanted to go to the safe heaven, all I could think about was Newt. What if he actually did like me? What if I get my hopes up and make it all awkard if I confess? Wait, confess? I like him?
"Yes Lena, you do like him. Now get up, we have to go in like 15 minutes" Teresa said, as if she could read my mind.
Even though I am confused, I put it away and start getting up. What meant that I started rolling out of the bed I was in. I loved that I could sleep in a bed once again, I really missed that. Which was probably why I wanted to stay there as long as possible.
"You want to talk about what happend yesterday?" Teresa asks. I know I have to tell her at some point. 
"Well, let's just say I get some terrible night terrors some time. I thought I lost them when I met the guys, I mean they were gone for a long time, but now they come back. I don't understand why I still get them, because they're always about the maze. They're never about something that happend recently. I would've understood if it was about Winston, I mean it was freaking scary to see him die, I never thought I could withness that. The way he started to turn a shade of purple, his skin getting dry. But for some reason it's the same one, over and over." I say, I wanted to prepare myself, so I could actually tell her what the night terror was about. But part of me wasn't letting me.
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me what's it about, just know that I'll listen" Teresa says, her hand resting on my shoulder.
"I know, it's just.. I have no idea how to bring it to actual words. I can relive the day and the moment but the mention of it just keeps getting harder. I never told Aris about them either, I only told Harriet and Sonya, who probably told him, who are also both missing by the way." I say, immediatly regretting my last sentence.
"Missing? What do you mean missing?" She asks.
"Well, the second day that we were with wicked, the girls decided that they didn't trust the place. I told them we should give it  chance, knowing damn well that I didn't feel safe either." I start tearing up as I continue. "Harriet decided that she wanted to escape through the vents, the same way we escaped, I was in total shock as I heard they were leaving. To make it all worse, they mentioned Joy, a girl who died back in the maze. I can still see her blood on my hands even though I washed them hundreds of times." I say, my voice cracking at the last sentence as the tears roll over my cheeks.
"It's not you're fault Lena, you couldn't help her"
"That's the problem, I am the one who killed her."
Her eyes went big as I told her that. My heart started beating rapidly in my chest as I was praying that she wouldn't judge me, as if she would've known why I killed her.
"You killed  her?" She says, the judgement was there. I could hear it in her voice. I regretted that I said that, knowing that before I could mention, everyone would know it.
"I had no choice, she was stung. I needed to free her from the pain she was having, I couldn't let her suffer!" I say, hoping that it would be enough to protect myself in this situation, but unfortunatly it wasn't.
"That doesn't make up for killing Lena!" Teresa shouts at me, well now everyone knew for sure.
"What killing?" Newt asks as he ran into the room, not thinking about knocking.
"She killed an innocent girl!" Teresa exclaims.
Newt's eyes went wide, just like Teresa's. My mind running a mile an hour and my chest burning.
"I had no choice! She was stung! I had to free her from the pain she felt, she wanted me to kill her!" I exclaim, tears running down my face. Why do they always react like this?! She wanted me to kill her and I did, what's so hard to understand?!
Newt's eyes soften, his expression going from the sad and shocked, to an understanding one. As if he killed someone himself, or seen someone else do it.
"What was your role back in the maze Lena?" He simply asks, his voice a little shaky.
"I was the first in command, a runner at the same time though. I was responsible for everyone" I say, the look on his face softened. As if he knew how it felt.
"I see, and the girl, she was stung right?"
"Yes, she was stung. I had no choice" My voice shaking as my hands start trembling. I fiddle some with my sleeves, hoping it wouldn't be to obvious.
"It's alright, all of us had their bad and good moments" Newt simply says as he sits down next to me, taking one of my hands in his.
"She's still a killer Newt! That poor girl didn't have to die!" Teresa exclaims.
"Teresa, that you never had to kill someone isn't my fault. But judging someone who had to in order to be safe is lower than you could ever imagine" Newt says. I watched how his mouth moved with every word, the expression on his face. And his accent, oh my god his accent.
"Well, then be with your little girlfriend Newt, don't walk back to me if she kills another innocent person" She says as she storms off.
"You really didn't have to do that" I say, filling the silence in the room. We sat here for about 3 minutes, saying nothing. 
"I did, I've seen what those shuck grievers can do to someone, how hard it was for Alby to bannish them. I couldn't let Teresa go all shank on you, knowing that it was what you had to do in order to keep the rest of the girls alive" He says, tightening his grib on my hand for a little. He was letting me know that he understood, that he would stand next to me no matter what. 
I put my head on his shoulder, looking at the wall in front of us before I slowly close my eyes.
"Thank you" I say, my voice soft. I knew he could hear my by the soft chuckle that escaped his lips.
"Loverbirds, we have to go." Frypan says as he knocks on the door.
"We'll be right there!" Newt answers, you could hear the smiling in his voice. Damn, I love this guy.
....
There we were, inside a big pick-up truck. Jorge had called her Bertha, I thought. 
I sat next to Thomas and Newt in the back, Jorge and Brenda in the front as Frypan and Aris said in the trunk, not completely safe but it is what it is.
I was still tired, because of the night terror from last night. But I couldn't let them know, I couldn't act like I was completely fine, but also not be the one to back down at this point.
"You alright Hermano? You look a little pale" Jorge said in my direction, looking at me through the rearview mirror.
"Yeah, just had a rough night" I explain, my heart racing in my chest. I pray no one mentiones my hands trembling, but I knew he saw it as he takes my hand in his once again. Squeezing a little in a reassuring matter, as if he's telling me that it'll be okay.
I shoot him a small smile, as we continue the drive.
When we get by a tunnel, there are a lot of cars abandoned and parked in front of it, making it impossible for us to get through with our car. 
So the only thing we could do at this point was to get out of the car and walk the rest of the route.
I get out of the car, walking towards the rest of the guys. Part of me wanted to scream, the other part wanted to be quiet so no one could see me. 
But when we wanted to start walking, bullets fly through the air. My hair moves as I feel one of the bullets go directly beside my head, cutting my ear in the process.
"Shuck!" I exclaim as I run over to one of the cars, lying down next to it. 
What the hell was that?! They could've killed me!
"Drop it" I hear someone say, a voice I was almost sertain that I didn't hear before, but it still felt so familiar. 
"I said drop it!" the voice exclaims again.
I hear something hit the ground and I mention that Aris is moving towards the voice. As if it's an instinct I stand up and follow him, no hesitation. 
As we all stood there in a group, I could see the person in front of me look at Aris, their eyes big. 
"Aris?" The voice said. She took her bandana off her mouth, and suddenly my stomach makes a flip. Harriet? Wait, she made it out? Oh my god, this can't be happening right now. 
To my suprise I step closer towards Newt, who was already standing next to me, and without hestitation I grab his hand. I was hoping for some sort of support from him, because my heart was hurting and it felt like my legs could give up on me at any time now.
"Harriet?" Aris says, his voice filled with disbelieve as he runs forward. He throws his arms around her, she immediatly returning the hug.
"We almost shot the living crap out of you man" She says, a chuckle escaping her lips.
For some reason, they didn't mention me. Actually, even Newt didn't mention me grabbing his hand. His hand was limp in mine, as if there was no life in it. He just stood there next to me, completely and utterly consumed by the scene that was playing in front of us.
Tears fill my eyes. Why won't they see me? Remember me? I mean, I didn't change that much in the month that I haven't seen them. Why can't they just remember me?!

The urge to scream came back, but that was until Newt finally grabbed my hand two. I felt my cheeks heat up, butterflies filling my stomach. I should've never given in to my feelings for him, now it's just getting worse.
"Lena, look who it is!" Aris says as he turns around, gesturing me to step forward. But when I don't Newt decided to drag me to the front, leaving me no choice but to follow.
"Wait, Lena?!" Harriet says, the person next to Harriet takes her bandana of her mouth. Revealing Sonya, standing there completely shocked about seeing me here.
"I thought you didn't want to leave?" Harriet says, you could hear that she wasn't that happy to see me, as if she wanted me back at wicked so she wouldn't have to deal with me two. 
"Well, after you two left the others started dissapearing. One by one every single girl left, leaving me and Aris." I quickly explain. I blinked the tears away, my grip on Newt's hand thigtening.
"I don't think that that was the only reason" Sonya says, looking at my hand intertwined with Newt's.
"True love can change a lot of minds" She adds as she chuckles softly. 
Why does everyone have to make it worse?! There is no such thing as true love, yes you can fall in love, but true love is nowhere to be found. Even when it's everything someone could be searching for.
"I just started to get suspisious, and then I send Aris into the vents. Knowing that was how you two left, hoping that he would find a way out. But before he found a way out, he found the limp bodies of the other girls, which made me want to leave even more. These boys seemed to be the perfect people to actually perform our escape plan" I say, hoping that the love thing would be over. Which it was, but part of me liked the attention. As if we looked good together, as if we were meant to be. 
"COME ON LENA, YOU NEVER HAVE ANY FUN" Rachel shouts. My heart was racing, my mind working over hours. My legs were burning like crazy, but we had to keep running. I couldn't lose Rachel in the maze.
"Why won't you just take it a little slower, I mean it's not like it would hurt anyone to lower your pace" I say, panting. Yes, I've run since I can remember, which is a year or 2 at this point, but it wasn't like I had more energy then the others. I was tired most of the time.
We walk back into the heart, finally able to lose Rachel out of my sight knowing she would be safe here.
"I love you, you know that right?" Rachel whispers in my ear. 
"I know"  I whisper back.
The words feel odd, I love you , none of the girls had actually said it to me. My heart was racing in my chest once again. 
To be honest, I don't think I'm always tired because of the running, most of the time it's more because of the exhausting conversations I have with the girls. There's always one of the girls that is going to start a fight with another, and I'm the one to fix it. I'm always the one who has to fix everyone, even though in a place like this, all I need is someone to try and fix me. Make me feel comfortable in my own skin. 
Because I never had a lot of colour in my life, but all the colour that I had faded away. The little piece of colour left was her, and I know that she'll be leaving soon two. 

A/n
I have actually no idea what to say, I'm totally in love with my story. I kind of lost the motivation to write, but I try my best.

I want to make an end to the story, but I'm kind of scared about how to actually write it, so I think I need a little longer for the next chapter because I've finished this chapter at literal midnight. So please don't blame me, I'm trying as hard as I can.

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⏰ Last updated: Nov 13 ⏰

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