Ocean sat in the darkness of his apartment, the sound of the rain outside echoing in the quiet space. It had been hours since he had fled the art room, hours since he had seen Emily kiss Skyler, hours since his world had come crashing down around him. But the pain in his chest hadn't eased. If anything, it had grown sharper, deeper, like a wound that refused to heal.
He had tried to push it down, tried to bury the emotions that had been swirling inside him ever since he saw them together. But the image of Skyler standing there, not pushing her away, had burned itself into his mind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop seeing it.
And now, alone in the darkness, the questions he had been avoiding for weeks finally caught up with him, crashing into him with the force of a tidal wave.
Who am I to him?
The thought came unbidden, sharp and cutting. Ocean's breath hitched, his chest tightening as he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold the pieces of himself together. He had never asked before, never dared to put a name to what was happening between him and Skyler. But now, the uncertainty was suffocating.
What am I to him?
Ocean had thought they had been on the same page. He had thought—no, he had felt—that there was something between them. Something real, something fragile, something that had slowly grown in the quiet moments they had shared. He had let himself believe that Skyler felt it too.
But now... now he wasn't so sure.
Sitting on the edge of his bed, Ocean buried his face in his hands, his heart pounding in his chest. The questions wouldn't stop. They circled his mind, each one cutting deeper than the last.
Am I the only one feeling this?
The words echoed in the silence, and Ocean felt a bitter laugh escape his throat. It was a dry, hollow sound, filled with the weight of his own foolishness. How could I have been so blind? He had let himself believe—no, hope—that Skyler might feel the same way. That the quiet looks, the soft smiles, the lingering moments between them had meant something.
But the truth was staring him in the face now.
I'm in love with him.
The realization hit Ocean like a punch to the gut, leaving him breathless. He had been in love with Skyler for longer than he had realized. All the signs were there—the way his heart sped up whenever Skyler was near, the way he had missed him so deeply when he disappeared, the way his entire world seemed to revolve around Skyler without him even meaning for it to.
But love wasn't enough. It wasn't enough if Skyler didn't feel the same. It wasn't enough if Skyler was in love with someone else. It wasn't enough if, to Skyler, Ocean was nothing more than a friend.
And that thought—the thought that he had been wrong this entire time—tore Ocean apart.
He stood up, pacing the small space of his apartment, his heart racing, his thoughts spiraling out of control.
How could I have been so stupid? He had known from the beginning that Skyler was different—different from him, different from what he was used to. Skyler had never given any indication that he was gay. There had never been a conversation, never been a moment where they had acknowledged the possibility.
Ocean laughed again, the sound bitter in his ears. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean he is. How could I have been so foolish?
The reality of it hit him hard, knocking the breath from his lungs. Skyler wasn't like him. Skyler had never said anything, had never hinted at anything. And Ocean—stupid, hopeful Ocean—had let himself fall in love with someone who might never be able to love him back.
He sank back down onto the edge of the bed, his hands trembling as he buried his face in them. The tears came before he could stop them, hot and painful, spilling down his cheeks as he finally let himself feel the full weight of his heartbreak.
What did I expect? He had opened himself up to Skyler, had let him into his world, had trusted him in a way he hadn't trusted anyone else. And now, it felt like Skyler had shattered that trust, even if he hadn't meant to.
But that wasn't Skyler's fault, was it? It was mine.
Ocean's sobs grew louder, his whole body shaking with the force of his grief. He had let himself believe in something that wasn't real. He had let himself believe that he and Skyler were on the same page, that they were building something together. But now, it felt like everything had been a lie.
Aren't we on the same page? Ocean had thought they were. He had thought Skyler felt something—something more than friendship. But maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Skyler had never felt that way. Maybe he never would.
Ocean cried until his throat ached, until his chest burned, until he could barely breathe. The pain was overwhelming, suffocating, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the thoughts from swirling in his mind.
What if it's all in my head?
The question gnawed at him, refusing to let go. Had he misread everything? Had he been so desperate for connection, for love, that he had convinced himself that Skyler felt the same? The thought made Ocean's stomach churn, a wave of nausea rolling through him.
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps. He couldn't do this. He couldn't handle the uncertainty, the not knowing.
I thought we were on the same page.
The words hung in the air, fragile and broken. Ocean had thought—no, he had believed—that he and Skyler were building something together. But now, with the memory of Emily's kiss still fresh in his mind, everything felt uncertain. Everything felt wrong.
Ocean collapsed back onto the bed, his body trembling with exhaustion. His heart hurt. His mind hurt. Everything hurt.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry until there was nothing left inside him. But all he could do was lie there, staring up at the ceiling, the weight of his heartbreak pressing down on him like a crushing wave.
I love him.
The thought settled in his chest, heavy and undeniable. Ocean had tried to avoid it for so long, had tried to push it away, to pretend that what he felt for Skyler wasn't as deep as it really was. But now, there was no more pretending.
I love him.
But love wasn't enough. It would never be enough if Skyler didn't feel the same.
Ocean squeezed his eyes shut, his heart aching with the weight of his unspoken feelings. How could I have been so foolish?
He had fallen for someone who might never be able to love him back. He had let himself hope for something that might never happen.
And now, he was paying the price.
The tears came again, softer this time, as Ocean curled up on the bed, pulling the blanket tight around himself. The rain outside had slowed to a steady drizzle, the sound soft against the window, but inside, Ocean's mind was a storm.
He wasn't sure what to do anymore. He wasn't sure if he could face Skyler again, not after everything. But he wasn't sure if he could keep pushing him away either.
All he knew was that his heart hurt, and no matter what he did, he couldn't seem to escape the pain.
TBC. 🩵
