Sorry Grape, But You're Legally a Raccoon

Sam Lee, preferably called by his nickname "Grape", was an average high school student in Seoul, South Korea. He attended Hyeongshin High School as a freshman. He smoked cigarettes and drank booze. He beat up anyone who annoyed him. He ran away in fear if he caught a glimpse of Wolf Keum in the nearby area.

Yeah, he was the typical Yeongdeungpo kid.

One day, he was out smoking in the streets with his two best friends, Forrest Lee and Robin Ha. They didn't bother even hiding the fact that they were minors smoking. No adult ever tried to stop them.

Today was different, though, because someone stormed right up to them and began to berate them. "How dare you do something so harmful to a raccoon!"

Forrest, Robin, and Grape stared at her. "What?"

"It's one thing if you kids smoke and ruin your own health," the woman shouted and then pointed at Grape, "but it's a whole other thing if you decide to damage the health of a poor raccoon! Shame on you!"

"I'm not a raccoon," Grape said.

"You poor thing." The lady somehow managed to pick Grape up and was trying to take him away. "I'll bring you to a sanctuary where you'll be treated better."

"Put me down!"

"Let Grape go!"

"Stop trying to kidnap our friend!"

Forrest and Robin usually didn't engage in violence against adults. They usually only fought other teenagers. However, they were not going to let this random lady kidnap Grape. They punched and kicked the lady—who was surprisingly extremely durable—until she finally let go of Grape.

Forrest scooped Grape up into his arms and ran away. Robin followed them not too far behind. They ignored the woman's screeching about them not properly caring for the raccoon.

They finally stopped once they arrived back at Hyeongshin.

Grape exclaimed, "That lady was nuts! She thought I was an actual raccoon!"

"I mean," Robin said, "you do have dark bags under your eyes that kinda resembles the black mask of a raccoon."

"I'm bigger than an actual raccoon!" Grape shouted, "I don't have any fur! I don't even have a tail!"

"Let's just avoid that area for now," Forrest told them, "and we'll pretend we never encountered that crazy lady. If we do bump into her again, Grape, run away. She seems hellbent on sending you to a raccoon sanctuary."

The rest of the day, fortunately, went normal. 

~Sorry Grape, But You're Legally a Raccoon~

The next day was a school day, so all three of them attended class. They were all part of the same homeroom, which was one of the reasons that they ended up as friends.

It turned out that their homeroom teacher was sick, so a substitute had arrived. The substitute gasped upon entering the classroom and quickly brought out his phone. "Animal control, there's a raccoon at Hyeongshin High School!"

What?

"I'm not a raccoon!" Grape shouted, "I'm a human!"

The substitute teacher grabbed the broom from the nearby closet and tried to usher Grape out of the classroom. "Shoo! Shoo!"

"Teacher, he's not a raccoon!" Forrest and Robin stepped in to protect their friend. "He's a human! He just has insomnia so he doesn't get much sleep!"

"I know a raccoon when I see one!" The teacher managed to hit Grape on the head.

"Ow!"

"Grape, I think it's best if you wait out in the hallway." Robin said, "We'll deal with the teacher."

It was just not Grape's day today because animal control arrived very fast. As soon as they saw Grape, they began chasing him with nets, and they ignored his loud claims of being human.

"Animal control, stop!" Forrest and Robin both rushed outside when they heard Grape's screams. "He's not a raccoon!"

"Sirs, please don't get in our way. We're trained professionals. We have identified that it is a raccoon."

"Let's go to the principal," Forrest suggested, "because they can vouch for us that Grape is a human and a student here."

The two animal control officers agreed and the four of them headed to the principal's office, where they found Grape hiding while munching on some grapes the principal had given him.

"Hello officers, there seems to be a misunderstanding." The principal said, "Grape here isn't a wild raccoon."

"See—"

"He's Forrest Lee's pet raccoon."

"—what?" 

"Sir, what are you talking about?" Forrest asked.

"Grape is your pet raccoon." The principal explained, "You adopted an emotional support raccoon after Myles Joo broke up with you."

"He's registered as a student," Robin reminded, "so he's a human. He's even wearing the school uniform!"

"Forrest wanted to bring his pet raccoon to school and I thought it was adorable, so I added him to the roster and gave him his own school ID."

"So, just to clarify," one of the officers questioned, "this raccoon is not a wild one?"

"Nope." The principal shook his head. "He's a student's pet."

"You should explain it to your substitute teachers so they don't get caught off guard."

The animal control officers left. The principal patted Grape's head and handed him another bowl of grapes.

"Sir," Grape asked, "do you really think I'm a raccoon? I'm clearly a human. I can even talk,"

"Parrots can talk." The principal patted Grape's head again. "You three should head back to class, now."

"I give up!" Grape threw his hands into the air and left the office.

"Sorry Grape," Forrest apologized as they followed after him, "but it looks like you're legally a raccoon."

Grape chomped down on the rest of his snacks while pondering something. "Do you think we can get Wolf Keum arrested for animal abuse?"