scars // ashtray // euphoria

13 - i love you's

"ash?" i whispered when i got to the gas station making sure i don't alert any kidnappers of my whereabouts, "ma" ash's voice came from behind me, i whipped around heart pounding out of my chest, "don't do that" i said looking at him, the smile he had on his face from scaring me that was half lit by a street lamp a few feet away from us melted my heart, oh how i love you ash. "sorry, come with me" he spoke grabbing my hand while he pulled me along to the back of the gas station while my eyes where stuck on our intertwined hands, he let go and started climbing up a ladder "i'm not going up there ash" i shook my head "come on ma, i'd never let anything happen to you" and with that i followed him up the ladder and we sat on the edge of the roof with our legs dangling down.

"river it wasn't what it looked like" he caught me off guard, i shook my head "honestly, ash it's okay your not the one to blame here" pure confusion written all over his face as i kept going "i could've done more, i could've done better being your girlfriend and i'm sorry that i wasn't what you wanted, i wish i was, i
really wish i was ash, your the best thing that's ever happened to me and it's okay if you want someone else i promise i understand and i don't blame you one bit, ashtray i love you and i want you happy even if it's not with me, i'll always love you" by the time i finished ranting and looked at ash he wasn't looking at me anymore he was looking out towards the trees in front of us. "i love you too" was all he said turning to face me again, my heart jumped, we had never said that before i didn't realise i had even said it. "i love you so much ma, don't ever talk about yourself like that again. your the best girlfriend a boy could ask for, i'd be lost without you and that's why i would never do that to you, she was a sale that's it, i don't even know her name. she kissed me i pushed her off straight away told her to find a new dealer and left, and went back to the gas station until it was time to lock up with fez, ask fez i was a mess when i got back i felt so guilty and i wanted to to tell you but you stopped replying to my texts so then i got worried something happened to you on the way back. river your my girl i wouldn't do that to you"
i was soaking up his words staring into his eyes. "i think she's one of kats friends i've seen her with kat a few times" kat? this isn't making sense but i'll figure that out later. "your not lying to me?" i ask "i need you ma, i wouldn't lie to you" in that moment i had forgave him and wanted the subject to change. "ash?" i spoke quietly our eyes staring straight into eachothers, he nodded slightly in response, "you said you love me" i said smiling watching the smile appear on his face too, "i did because i do" he said moving back on the roof and pulling me onto his lap. "you said it first ma" i wrapped my arms around his neck while his rested on my ass, "i'll say it again, i love you ash" "i love you more ma" we both laughed.

(smut⚠️) my lips met his and moved in perfect sync with his, his hands squeezing my ass a few times before one of his hands were on my cheeks and his kisses moved across my jaw and down my neck "a-ash" it came out as a whisper followed my a moan as he found the perfect spot on my neck "fuck i love when you say my name like that" he said peeling his lips away from his neck "please don't stop" i craved his lips, anywhere, everywhere. his lips moved back on my neck kissing a sucking different spots leaving a million marks but in that moment nothing else mattered to me. my hips started to move on top of ash's dick as i was getting more frustrated, little grunts leaving ash's lips as his hands were now on my waist guiding my movements the way he wants them while he kept kissing me. i wanted more. i wanted ash.

my moans got louder as he sucked harder on the spot on my neck before peeling his lips away looking up at me "ma we need to stop i'm not gunna be able to stop myself if we go any further" he said breathing heavily tucking my messy hair behind my ears. "what if i don't want you to stop?" i ask him staring straight into his dark eyes "ma don't tease me, you know it's whenever your ready, i can wait longer if you need longer" he spoke softly "i
don't need longer ash, i need you" his eyes went wide before he flipped me over so i was now laying flat on the roof as he kissed my lips both of us not being able to contain our smiles, "is this your first time too ash?" i asked nervously as he was lifting my shirt up to kiss my bare chest "ye ma, you sure you want this?" i nodded at him feeling nothing but love for the boy hovering over the top of me. "i'm sure" i reassured him, and before i knew it we were both partially clothed and he was lining himself up with me. "tell me if you want me to stop ma" i nodded as he pushed himself in slowly, a loud gasp coming from my mouth and my hands gripping his shoulders at the pain i'd never felt before, he looked at me with a worried look on his face, i nodded letting him know to keep going, he moved himself in and out slowly and the pain soon turned into pleasure as little moans escape my mouth and grunts come from ash's. "oh ash" i moaned arching my back at the new sensation my actions had made ash pick up his pace looking my whole body up and down, "fuck your beautiful ma" he whispered out of breath. a new sensation formed in my stomach as my moans got louder, "my stomach ash" i barely spoke, "your okay ma, fuck, just wait. i'll tell you when to let go" his pace got faster and the sensation in my stomach got tighter, almost like a not, "fuck ma let go with me.......now" i did what he said and the sensation slowly released as my body slightly shook and ash collapsed next to me, i turned to look at him to find him already looking at me.

"your amazing ma" i smiled at him, "i love you" he spoke still trying to catch his breath. "i love you ash" we both smiled, got up and put our clothes back on and made our way back down the ladder, ash still had the key to the gas station so we went in to get warmer on ash's couch in his little room, "come here ma" ash spoke laying on the sofa with his arms out, i took the offer and laid next to him placing my head on his chest. "was your first time as good as you thought it would be" he asked tracing shapes on my arms. "way better, was i good enough for you?" i spoke forcing my eyes to stay open, "river, you were perfect, i'd be lost without you" he spoke softly, "i'm glad i fell in love with you ashtray" i whispered letting my eyes flutter shut as we both endured a deep sleep wrapped in each others arms.

And with that we fell asleep on the old sofa in the gas station holding eachother like nothing else matter, because to the two as long as they had eachother nothing else truly mattered.

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AUTHORS NOTE:
how do we feel about this?
i'm so sorry i know it's not the best it's my first time writing something like this,but thank you for even making it to chapter 13!

i appreciate every single read and vote amd comment!

remember:
YOUR BEAUTIFUL
YOUR LOVED
YOUR WORTH IT

any ideas or guesses on what happens next?

words: 1444