Mind Games

Chapter 1 - Litaan

Litaan loved waking up early. Early enough to see the sun rising over the courtyard and to see the palace grounds come to life. That didn't mean she enjoyed getting out of bed.
"Ugh," she groaned, rubbing her eyes as she shoved the sheets off and dragging herself out of bed. She shuffled to the windows and threw the curtains aside, squinting as the early morning sunlight flooded the room. She stood at the giant window, staring out as the palace grounds slowly started to wake up.
Down in the courtyard, bakers rushed back and forth with carts full of baked goods and gardeners crouched on the ground, tending to their flowers. Surrounding everything, soldiers stood at attention, keeping a watchful gaze on the goings-on.
Litaan turned away from the window and ducked into the washroom to freshen up before everyone else in the palace woke up. She slipped into a plain dressing gown before settling down at her desk and pulling out her journal. Just as she picked up her pen, ready to start writing, a sharp knock at the door surprised her.
"Ma'am, I have your breakfast, may I come in?"
Litaan threw her journal into the desk, slamming the drawer shut before responding.
"O-oh, you can come in!" she called over her shoulder.
The door quietly swung open, revealing Neri, her maid.
"You know, Your Highness, you really should come downstairs and join your family for breakfast every now and then," Neri said with a chiding smile, setting the polished silver tray down on the table next to the door.
"I'll think about it," Litaan said, twirling her hair around her finger.
"Well, Princess, I'm sure that they would be happy to see you."
A small laugh escaped her lips. "Shows how well you know them," she said with a rueful smile.
Neri hesitated by the door, as if waiting for Litaan to change her mind. She sighed. "Enjoy your breakfast, Princess Litaan," she said, stepping out and shutting the door behind her.
"Thank you," Litaan said, waiting until Neri left to head to the door and pick up the breakfast tray. She set it down on her desk, about to sit down and eat when the mirror caught her eye.
She turned and flinched at her reflection. She shut her eyes, concentrating. When she opened them back up, she could see her hair shortening and her gown morphing into a men's tunic and trousers. She smiled at her reflection, relishing the lightness of her hair and the feeling of her magicked clothes. She knew it wasn't real, but it felt like it was.
'That's just a costume. You're just a little girl playing dress-up,' the nagging voice in her head whispered. She sighed. "That little voice is right. Princesses don't wear men's clothes," she muttered, her smile fading.
A flurry of knocks on the door startled her out of her thoughts. She quickly let the illusion drop as the door swung open.
"Good morning Lili!" a cheerful voice exclaimed from the doorway.
A smile came unbidden to her face. "Mornin' Nita," Litaan said as her sister came into her room. "You're up awful early," she said in a teasing manner. "I don't think I've ever seen you out of bed before midday!"
Daniita stuck her tongue out at her in a very un-princess-like way.
"Really though, why are you up so early? It must just be an hour or so after sunrise," Litaan said, smiling at her sister's 'annoyed' face.
Daniita's smile flew back onto her face. "The dressmaker is coming this morning!" she exclaimed, smiling wide. "And I had to remind you about supper today. Father, er, well, a messenger told me that another suitor is in town to see you! He's going to be in the palace today around noon! I knew you would forget about it," she said, grinning at the look on Litaan's face. She did in fact, forget about it.
"Okay," I said, doing my best to keep the smile on my face from falling. "I'll be there."
"Awesome!" Daniita said with a grin as she slipped out into the hall. "Don't be late! Again," she added as she slipped out.
Litaan smiled as she heard her sister skipping down the hall. She quickly changed into a plain day dress and slipped on a pair of flats.
"Not in the mood to deal with heels," she muttered, glancing in the mirror with a frown. She tugged at the bodice of her dress as she hurried out the door, breakfast forgotten as she sprinted down the hall to catch up with her little sister.
When she caught up, she resisted the urge to tackle her sister to the ground. Instead, she gave her a light punch in the shoulder. Daniita laughed, punching her back.
They chatted as they made their way down to the second floor so that Daniita could meet with the dressmaker in a large room filled with stacks of fabric and pins.
"Have a good time," Litaan said to her sister before leaving. "I'll see you at supper!"
She gently shut the door with a sigh. "More suitors? I thought that father was done with that," she muttered to herself as she walked through the hall, headed towards the nearest exit. "I mean, all of them were jerks." If there was one thing she had learned from all of this, it's that love in a place like the Koteran palace wasn't about how you feel about someone, it was about money. Every single one of the suitors had come here for the riches, fame, and power that came with being married to the eldest princess.
After getting outside, she turned and took a path, skirting the courtyard. She walked along the stone-paved pathways, returning morning greetings with awkward smiles. By the time she passed the kitchens, the paths were mostly clear.
She looked around, making sure that no one else was around before ducking down another pathway, heading into a sheltered grove, full of weeping willows and cut through with a small stream. She walked out to the middle of the small bridge, dangling her legs over the edge and leaning back. The gardens had been grown for the royal family, but no one ever came out to visit them except for Litaan.
Finally by herself again, she took a deep breath and glanced down at her reflection. After a second, her hair shortened again and her clothes transformed. She smiled to herself as she fiddled with the strand of hair that dangled in her face and looked at her sharply pointed ears, fully visible without her long hair. She glanced at her clothes and made a few adjustments, trying to pick the look that she liked the most, all while reminding herself that it's just playing pretend, it's not anything more. 'Girls like to pretend, right?'
She laid back on the warm bridge, staring at the clouds, enjoying the peace and quiet. A bright blue-colored bird flew over her, settling onto a tree on the other side of the bridge. She grinned. She always loved birds.
"Hey, Lili?"
She jumped, heart racing. She glanced back at her reflection in the water one more time before letting the illusion fall. 'Back to myself. Princess. Right.'
"Yeah?" she called back, her previous happiness gone.
Daniita appeared in the grove, breathing heavily. "Time for supper!" she said, catching her breath.
Litaan's heart fell.
"Oh, okay," she said with a sigh. "You know, you didn't have to run here, right? You could've sent somebody."
"Oh, I know," she said with a grin. "I just wanted to come bother my big sister in person." She sat down next to Litaan on the bridge.
"Fair enough," Litaan said with a smile. "Should we get going?"
"I guess so," Daniita said, standing and helping her sister up.
They walked back down the path with Daniita talking Litaan's ear off about the new suitor.
"I haven't met him, but I heard that he's really cute," she said with a giggle.
"Well, you can have him," Litaan said with a chuckle, "I'm not interested."
"Aww, you haven't even met him yet!" Daniita whined, "I'm sure that he'll be the one!"
"You say that about all of them, and it hasn't been true even once."
"I just know it," she continued. "You know, we're getting pretty close to your birthday," she said, looking her sister in the eyes. "You know how Mom and Dad feel about this."
"I know, I know," Litaan said, annoyed. "'You need to pick one by your eighteenth birthday,'" she said, doing her best imitation of the king. "I don't know about you, but that seems awfully early to be getting married. I mean, Father's going to be spry enough to keep ruling for, I don't know, twenty more years or something," she said, words flying out of her mouth. "Why now? And besides, half of these suitors that they pick out are twice my age!"
Daniita made a face. "That's a good point," she said as they entered the castle. "Just give him a chance, Lili," she said, a sad look coming over her face. "I know that these suitors aren't who you had in mind, but at a certain point Dad's probably just going to choose someone for you. Wouldn't you rather have some say?"
Litaan sighed. "Fine, I'll give him a try."
Daniita gave her a tight hug as they approached the dining hall. "Good luck," she muttered as they stepped through the giant doors.
"Ah, Litaan! Daniita!" The king stood at the end of the table as they entered. "How lovely of you two to join us!" He gestured to the place next to him, looking at Daniita, who quickly sat down next to him.
Litaan looked at the only other empty place. Next to a guy who looked to be in his mid-twenties wearing clothes that made him look like he was going to a formal ball, not a meal, and his oily blond hair slicked back. Daniita was sorely mistaken.
She shuddered. 'It'll only be an hour,' she thought to herself. 'You can handle an hour.'
She sat down next to him, keeping her eyes glued to the table.
"So, Litaan, this is Kurao, a nobleman from Vehta," her father said, gesturing to the man sitting next to her. She did her best to force a smile, but based on his response, it came out as more of a grimace. "Kurao, this is my daughter, Litaan. She is quite looking forward to getting to know you," he added, smiling at Kurao. "She can't wait to marry."
'How could he know what I want?' She'd barely seen him at all since the last suitor came around. Her eyes flicked up to look at him. He looked the same as he always did. 'It isn't fair that Nita and I could change so much and he's still exactly the same.'
After an hour of awkwardly pretending to care about Kurao's stories, the king dismissed him. 'Thank the gods.'
Litaan stood, pushing her chair back from the table. "Well, that was lovely, but I'm gonna go and-"
"Not so fast, young lady," her father said, standing up.
She stopped, her hands balling into fists. "What is it, Father?" she asked.
"These fine young men will never marry you unless you show at least some interest in them," he said, annoyance creeping into his voice.
Daniita crept out of the room, excusing herself from the conversation.
"Well I don't have any interest in them," Litaan said, angrily. "They're all at least ten years older than me and they're all stuck-up jerks!"
Her mother gasped.
"Ugh, we wouldn't have had this problem if we'd had a son," her father muttered. "Well, one of those 'jerks' is going to be your husband!" the king exclaimed. "No more are coming. You have to choose from the ones that have visited. All of them will be here tonight at dinner. You will choose one then. Are we clear?"
Litaan clenched her hands, her knuckles turning white. "Yes, father," she said, her words coming out quietly.
"Excellent. You are dismissed."
Litaan hurried out of the room, nearly bumping into her sister out in the hall.
"What're you doing?" Litaan exclaimed, nearly tripping to avoid hitting her sister.
"Sorry," Daniita said, her face flushing red. "I was just waiting for you."
Litaan sighed. "I'm sorry," she said, starting to walk down the hall with her sister in tow. "I'm just... stressed."
"That's alright, I get it."
They walked in silence for a few minutes, wandering around the palace halls with no destination in mind. They eventually ended up outside, sitting down on a stone bench in the West Courtyard.
After a few minutes of silence, Litaan glanced at her sister, who was staring across the courtyard at a teenage boy wearing the garb of a palace messenger.
Litaan smirked, elbowing her sister in the side. "Looks like someone's got her eyes on someone," she said, teasing.
Daniita's face flushed bright red. "No, I don't, it's, it's not... okay, you win," she said, blushing.
"What's his name?"
"Noturan," she said shyly.
"Have you talked to him?"
"What? Of course not!" Daniita exclaimed, blushing furiously.
Litaan gave her sister a look. "If you can flirt with every single suitor that comes to the palace, I think you can talk to a boy you like."
Daniita laughed nervously. "I guess so," she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
"Hey, there's nothing to be nervous about," Litaan said, smiling, "everyone loves you! You won't have a problem."
"Thanks Lili," Daniita said, her sister leaning her head on her shoulder. "You're the best."
The afternoon passed far too quickly for Litaan. Before she knew it, it was nearly time for dinner and her sister was helping her choose a gown for the night.
"Hm, which one do you think would go better with your hair," Daniita asked, holding up two options.
Litaan shrugged noncommittally. "I don't care. Just pick whichever one you think is best."
Her sister frowned, putting one of them away before sitting down next to Litaan.
"I'm sorry about all of this," she said, giving Litaan a tight hug. "If I can ever help with anything, I'm here."
"Thank you," Litaan said with a weak smile.
"I'd better go get ready," Daniita said, standing. "Good luck!"
As soon as she left, three maids entered the room to help Litaan get ready. Half an hour later, she left the room in a gold and purple gown with her hair done in a simple braid.
She made her way downstairs on wobbly legs, struggling to walk in the tall heels that had been picked out for her. Not long after, she arrived in the ballroom, which had been sparsely decorated with a few long tables along the walls and some banners upon the walls.
"Here we go," she muttered, tugging at the bodice of her dress uncomfortably.
Across the room, she could see her sister dancing with one of the younger suitors, having the time of her life.
Not long after she entered, a suitor approached her.
"Lovely to see you again, Your Highness," he said, with a shallow bow. "I've missed you."
"Nice to see you too," Litaan said shyly.
"Care to dance?"
'Well, I might as well,' she thought. "I'd love to," she said. 'It would be nice if he reminded me of his name.'
They took to the dance floor, Litaan's body stiff and tense where he lay his hands.
"You know," he started, "I've always found you so much more interesting than your sister."
'Here we go.'
"I know that you are both half-breeds, but I noticed that you carry more of the Elvish traits," he said, his eyes straying to her ears.
Not knowing what to say, she just nodded.
He smiled, sending a shiver up her spine. "You're so alluring," he said, his eyes straying from hers. "I love a woman of few words."
"I think I need to go talk to my sister," Litaan said, breaking away from him and walking away as quickly as she could with her heels.
"Nita, you have to save me," she said dramatically as she approached her sister. "These people are creeps."
"Aw, some of them aren't too bad," Daniita said, taking a sip of her champagne before making a face. "Ugh, that's awful."
Litaan laughed. "What have I told you?"
The sisters laughed, drawing the attention of the suitors. "Oh no, here they come," Daniita said.
"You don't have to pretend, you know," Litaan said, smiling. "I know you love the attention."
"What? No," the other said, blushing and shaking her head. "You know me."
"I do," she said, looking towards the oncoming suitors. "Well enough to know you want to go and dance. Go ahead," she nudged her sister towards the dance floor. "Have a fun night."
"Thanks!" Daniita said, squeezing her sister before leaving.
Litaan stood to the side, watching her sister shine.
"You know, I've always wished that she was the older princess," a voice said, coming from her right. "She's so much more sociable and confident," the man said, standing uncomfortably close to Litaan. "But I suppose that you'll have to do." He set a hand on her back.
She flinched away, quickly walking in the opposite direction. 'I can't last the entire night like this.'
Not long after, her parents walked up to her with a man who was vaguely familiar to her.
"Litaan, this is Kiar Amrov of Seya, our neighbor in the West," the king said, gesturing to the man next to him. "He's the one that we have chosen for your future husband."
Time stopped.
"What?!" Litaan exclaimed, her eyes widening and her body freezing.
"A marriage between the two of you would unite our nations, ensuring peace," her father said with a smile. Her mother stood to the side, towering over all of them, her bright blue Elven eyes blank.
"Y-you said that I could at least choose!" Litaan said, her hands shaking.
"Well, an opportunity presented itself," he said, placing a hand on Amrov's shoulder. "Planning for the wedding will commence as soon as possible. I would like for you two to get to know each other in the coming weeks before the ceremony."
By this point, heads had started to turn, curious about the commotion. Daniita looked over and quickly started moving towards her sister.
"I..." The room started closing in. Litaan barely registered the next few words out of her father's mouth. Without another word, she spun around and ran, kicking her heels off and sprinting barefoot through the hall.
Breathing heavily, she raced out the door and down the stone pathways outside, ducking under trees and collapsing onto her bridge. The cold night air bit her bare arms and feet, reminding her that this was an awful outfit for a cold Koteran autumn.
She tried to get her breathing back under control as she stared at the stars that were just beginning to come out. She screamed, releasing her pent-up frustration and anger, swiping away her reflection in the stream with her bare foot.
Moments later, someone came into the grove.
"How'd you know where I went?" Litaan asked, her voice flat.
"This is where you always go," Daniita said, sitting down next to her sister. "It wasn't hard to figure it out."
They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them knowing quite what to say.
"I'm sorry," Daniita said, wrapping her arms around her sister. "I wish I could fix this for you."
"I didn't ask for this," Litaan said, choking down a sob. "I didn't ask to be a part of this family." She looked at the marks on her wrists, indicating that she is a part of the Gozurin royal family. "I didn't ask to be born."
"I'm here for you," Daniita said, hugging her sister tightly. "Never forget that."
Litaan smiled at her sister.
"Let's head inside," Daniita stood, offering Litaan a hand. "Things will look better in the morning."
The two of them walked back through the palace, hand in hand. After climbing four flights of stairs, they arrived at Litaan's rooms.
"I'll see you in the morning," Daniita said, letting go of her sister. "I'll be in my rooms if you need me."
Litaan gave her sister a weak smile. "Thank you." She opened the door and slipped inside. "Love you," she said before closing the door.
"Love you times two," her sister said with a smile, heading back down the hall as Litaan shut the door.
Litaan sat down on a stool, removing the tie from her hair and pulling the braid apart, letting her hair fall down around her face. She looked at the mirror and a look of determination replaced one of resignation.
She took a deep breath and got to work.
After digging around in her closet for a minute, she found the plain men's clothes that she had stolen. A pair of plain brown pants, an undershirt, a tan tunic, and boots. Along with that, she had pilfered a long strip of cloth. She changed into the new clothes, wrapping the cloth tightly around her chest, making it look flat.
After trying to cast an illusion over the marks on her arms, she learned that they couldn't be concealed with magic. She dug around for a pair of gloves and slipped them on, covering them up.
She looked in the mirror. "Only one thing is missing," she said, pulling a small blade out of her desk.
She held it up to her hair, took a deep breath, and started sawing through it. By the time she was done, there was a mound of hair at her feet, and her hair somewhat resembled the haircut that she had been creating with illusions.
After kicking the hair pieces underneath her bed, she pulled out a shoulder bag which she stuffed a bit of food into as well as a few coins. She looked around the room, finding nothing that mattered enough to her to bring except for her journal, and the locket that could always be found with her.
She looked into the mirror one last time with a smile on her face.
"Litaan Gozurin is gone," she said, grinning at her reflection. "No more playing pretend."
She opened her journal with her heart hammering. She opened to a fresh page.
"Dear journal," she said to herself as she wrote. "I've figured out why I love my illusions so much. They helped me realize what I am." She looked down at her flattened chest and beamed. "I was never supposed to be a princess." She shut her journal, tucking it away and stood at the window. "I was meant to be a prince." He opened the window and breathed in the cold air.
He reached into the bag at his side, pulling a rope out and looping it around the window. He hopped out onto the windowsill, working his way down the rope and pulling it down with him before hiding it in the shrubs. Once on the ground, he walked along the paths and through the front gate, not looking back once.
He smiled. "Look out world," he said to himself, "here I come."