Marked by Obsession

1.

I've never kept a journal before. Never saw the point in writing down my thoughts.
But I guess things change.

I started university about a month ago.
At first, I wasn't even sure if psychology was the right choice. Honestly, I thought I'd made a mistake. But now?
No regrets.

Anyway, the real reason I'm writing this down? It's because of a girl. Yeah, a girl.
She's in my course, and we end up in a lot of the same lectures during the week.
But I guess to explain why I'm doing this, I need to start from the beginning.

3rd of October

I was late to class, it was my first day in.
Everyone else had started the lectures a week before, on the 28th of September, but I had missed the first day purely because of a timetable error.
I rushed in, registered with the Lecturer death-staring me, and ran to grab the first seat available.
I found myself on the second raw of seats, next to a bugger that was literally playing Snake on a phone that seemed older than my grandma.
I tried keeping up with the explanation, tried to understand as I had already missed one of those lessons, but nothing made any sense in my head.

I was wondering if maybe I had made the wrong choice? Or maybe I should've quit thinking that way and waited some more to see if I was just being overly paranoid.
I was staring at the slides, reading over words, titles, it looked like it was going to be a hell of a day.
Until the guy that sat next to me, nudged me with his elbow.
"You look confused, have you not read the file he sent us?" He asked me, pointing at the lecturer talking nonsense at the front.
"Uh- no, I... This is my first day in, actually." I said, more to make him shut up and let me get swallowed in my stress.

"I can give you mine, you can catch up before tomorrow's lecture." He then said, with a kindness I didn't expect from one looking like he was in the wrong place.
His light brown hair was similar to a sparkly disco ball given how much gel he had put on.
At least his cut was somewhat decent, I wouldn't have opted for a quiff style though.
His name is Bogdan, found out he's Romanian and pretty much hates this place but still attends. We ended up hanging out after that excruciating lecture, and even after that, and much later too. We spent the whole day together, walking around town and getting to know each other, I even met his girlfriend Erika.
That day ended up being a good one and I caught up for the one I missed due to my timetable.

Now, the real deal was the day after.
4th of October

That morning I wasn't late to class, and Bogdan waited for me to walk in on time.
The lesson was on Psychobiology and Cognition, something I didn't really care about.
I didn't want to know about the brain, I wanted to discover more interesting things, and that was certainly not it.
While the blabbering went on, I was slumped beside my new friend in the same second raw I found myself in, the day before.

I've always been a last raw type of guy, one of those jotting down notes for half the lesson and then only listening for the other half.
"Can anyone explain the role of the prefrontal cortex in decision making? Particularly in the emotional sector?" Asked Dr. Milton with not many enthusiasts staring at him.
It was almost like everyone was falling asleep.
"Anyone at all?" He asked again, and the silence that stretched on honestly felt embarrassing.

But then someone actually raised their hand, this girl sat at the front raw on the left, opposite to where me and Bogdan were.
"The prefrontal cortex is responsible for regulating cognitive functions like planning and making choices. It helps us weight the pros and cons of a situation before acting. But for emotional regulation, it controls impulses."
Her voice chimed in, sounded like she was sure of what she was saying and she definitely stood out of the crowd that way.
The professor nodded, clearly surprised.
"Yes, but what happens when the prefrontal cortex is compromised? How would that affect behaviour?" He posed the question to her with an enthusiasm that I could see growing in him by the second.

He was awaiting expectantly, and she didn't even hesitate a moment before answering.
"It could lead to a lack of impulse control and poor decision making. People might act without thinking about long-term consequences, because of their weakened cognitive control." She wasn't just saying what first came to her mind.
She knew what she was talking about, had informed herself before.
The girl was well prepared, ready for many of those lessons to come.
"Spot on. Excellent answer." The professor was impressed, but my heart skipped a beat.
I couldn't look away from her, only then noticing her shiny blonde hair and her small sitting form.
Something in that moment had switched inside of me, something that made me stare at that girl like I just found everything I could ever ask for.
I was mesmerised by the way she confidently had answered when nobody else had the slightest courage to.

Something in her intrigued me, making me wonder how her mind worked.
Something about her simply pulled me in.
I was so focused on her that I barely heard Bogdan muttering sarcastically next to me.
For the first time in that whole two hour long lecture, I wasn't distracted or bored.
I was hooked. My full attention was there, and it wasn't the professor who held it.