Marked by Obsession

2.

25th of October

It's been almost a month since I first saw her, first noticed her in the gigantic theatre where our common lectures take place.
Somehow, she feels like a part of my life even though she doesn't know I exist.
Or does she?
Sometimes I stare at her so long that even Bogdan noticed, he tells me to just go talk to her.

Marceline Aura Medora. Age 19, studying a double course of Psychology and Criminology.
I spent four days trying to find her profile in the University's online page, searching through our Psychology class' name list.
I can confirm I only began paying attention to our professor because she seems to like every topic, and I have to know everything she does.
I know so much about her now, it's crazy how easy it is to find things out when you really look.

At first, it was just curiosity. That short debate she had with Dr. Milton— I swear, no one else in that room had the nerve to speak up like she did. I mean, it wasn't even a debate. It was more a matter of morality and respect, getting over the nerves of the first few days of lesson, and she was the only one in a full theatre to try.
To me, she was different.
She still is, and now... I can't stop thinking about her.

I know she prefers to be called Marcy, it's 'easier to pronounce'.
I heard her say that to our professor when she stayed after the lecture to ask a few questions.
I know she attends University on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
On Wednesday, me and her share the afternoon class.
On Thursday, I only get to see her for the morning lecture, and then she has Criminology all afternoon.
On Friday, I see her again after lunch.
I pretty much have to spend the whole morning praying that she'll show up anywhere I am, just to catch a glimpse of her wavy, sand blonde hair.

She comes a few hours early, going to the library and preparing for the lessons to come, or working on the assigned essays. She sits at the back, where nobody usually goes because the sun reflects exactly in that spot from the window, and it gets very warm.
Marcy doesn't mind though.
Sitting there without a problem, all quiet and tranquil.
In especially sunny days, her hair looks like pools of honey. I don't even know how but I think the colour changes based on the weather, or I'm just having hallucinations and her natural blonde is just a mix of more shades all together.

I looked at her for so long one day, that she sensed me and looked up. I think I've never seen anything more beautiful than her blue eyes, and those light features on her pale skin.
I learned she blushes easily, from the slightest laugh to the most embarrassing situations.
She's vegan too, but more cause she's a picky eater and prefers to go safe with vegetables.
I stood behind her in the line of the University's coffee shop to understand what she likes.
It's always the same, caramel macchiato with extra caramel.
Tried it, liked it, now I don't take coffee if it's not made that way. She prefers tea though, and only goes for coffee when she's busy, so pretty much on every university day.

I've seen her take tea when coffee seems to be affecting her the wrong way, but my subtle observations have been noticed by my friends.
I wonder what it would be like to have a conversation with her, to actually be someone in her life, not just... watching from the background.
But the more I learn, the more I want to know.
It's like I'm addicted, I don't know how it happened, but here I am— stalking her instagram, passing by the lecture rooms we don't share just to see if she's in. And the worst part?
I don't feel guilty. Not really. It's like this is the only way to stay close to her, to feel like we're connected.

If I was someone else, maybe I'd say something, start a conversation, ask her out. But I can't.
Not yet. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm afraid she won't be as perfect as I've built her up to be. Or maybe... maybe I don't want her to see me. Not the way I am now.
Bogdan and Erika make fun of me, saying I don't have the balls to go up to her and just start talking.
I kind of wish I could, I wish I was able to just be interested like a normal guy and act freaking normal.
But what am I supposed to say?
"Hey, Marcy right? You know, I was wondering if I could get your number?"
No, I already have her number.

The first time we got separated into groups of four or five for a presentation, I could only focus on the fact that she was not in the same group as me. I wanted to beg the professor to make me join her, but in that case I'd come off as pathetic and definitely crazy.
Instead, I kept observing until I heard one of the guys in her group ask for her number.
He didn't mean it in a flirty way, he had asked everyone else as well, just for the sake of their presentation. Still, I was jealous they all had her private information and I didn't.
But I acted smart, and 'coincidentally' walked past right when she was saying her number to him.
God, I memorised it. Repeated it in my head for the rest of the lesson.

I have it on a small paper, stuck up to the wall in my dorm room on campus. I'd frame it if it wasn't that my consciousness is holding me back.
Marcy is not just a girl in my class.
She's smart, kind, beautiful.
But it's not just that.