Marked by Obsession

13.

I could see the curve of her wrist as she took notes on a small notebook.
She hadn't looked up. She had no idea I was coming.
My mouth felt dry as I stood a few feet away, waiting for the right moment to speak.
I cleared my throat, just enough to catch her attention.
"Uh... hey, Marcy..."

She looked up, blinking in mild surprise, her pen pausing above the notepad. There was a moment of silence, it made my pulse race.
"Yes?" She smiled politely, but seemed unsure why I was talking to her.
It made me even more nervous, made me question if our interaction from class had meant nothing.
"I've, uh, seen you sit here. Alone, I mean— not in a bad way, just... you know, I noticed."
I winced inwardly at how awkward that sounded.
I had noticed a lot, too much, but I didn't want to sound like a stalker.

"Yeah, I like the quiet. It's easier to think." She looked back down at her notebook, like she was expecting the conversation to end there.
I could feel anxiety rising in my chest.
I had to say more, keep her talking.
"Right, totally. I get that. I'm kind of the same way, actually. Not big on crowds or anything. I thought, um, maybe we could talk sometime. I mean, since we're both kind of... not into the whole loud, social scene."
Marcy's eyes flickered with a hint of curiosity, which gave me hope, but mostly she seemed puzzled by my sudden approach.
"I guess. I don't really talk to a lot of people. I prefer to keep to myself. It's just easier."
My heart sank a little.

She wasn't making it easy, but then again, that's what I like about her. She isn't like other girls that would have instantly chatted me up.
She is guarded, careful. But this also means she's most likely to understand me, right?

"Yeah, that's... what I like about you." My voice slowly faded by the end of that short sentence, just like my shoulders sagged.
It was going bad, and I just knew there was no chance in changing it once I had already made a mistake by talking to her unprepared.
Marcy's smile faltered, replaced by a look of uncertainty. She slowly closed her notebook, her hand lingering on the cover as if she was preparing to leave.
"Thanks. But... why are you saying this?"

I could feel the conversation slipping away, the delicate balance I was trying to hold onto fraying at the edges.
I had to make her understand that I wasn't like the ones she avoided— that I see her, really see her.
But how could I say that without sounding obsessive?

"I just... I feel like we're alike. Like we see the world the same way, I guess. And I've been meaning to talk to you for a while, but... I didn't want to come off weird." I forced a laugh, yet it sounded hollow even to my own ears.
Marcy's expression softened a little, but there was still a guardedness in her eyes. She shifted in her seat, glancing down at her watch.
"Well, I appreciate it, but... I don't really know you. I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm just not looking to make new friends right now."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut.
She wasn't rejecting me, exactly, but she had closed the door, just a little.
I felt the desperate need to stop her from walking away, from ending this before it could start.
"Yeah, I get it. I just thought that maybe you'd want someone to talk to. You don't have to be alone all the time."

She then stood up slowly, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
"I'm fine, Kethan. Really. But thank you." She smiled again, this time it was definitive.
I stood there as she walked past me, my heart simply sinking into my stomach.
I didn't try to follow her, but I couldn't move either. I felt the weight of her words pressing down on me, and yet... I couldn't shake the feeling that she just didn't understand.
She didn't see how right we are for each other yet.

I thought she'll come around, and watched her leave the library.
She just needs more time.
She'll see it eventually.
Even so, I had a swirl of confusion and frustration making me feel uncomfortable in my own body. I tried to be normal, casual, and okay, maybe a little awkward at first, but she still pushed me away.
Why? What was wrong?
I am not some random guy who doesn't get her— I know her. She witnessed that I'm not boring, she saw it last week, in class.
I must figure it out.

Before I could drown in the process of what happened, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
"Whoa, Kethan! You're taking this to a whole new level!" Bogdan grinned and walked over, Erika at his side.
He had his arm around her shoulders, his usual playful energy bubbling up, completely unaware of what had just gone down.
"So? You asked her out?"
I wanted to facepalm myself, but his happiness was too much to kill all in one go.
"Yeah, you've been crushing on her for, like, forever. I thought today might finally be the day." Said Erika, smiling warmly.
Her tone was supportive, though she looked curious as she glanced towards the direction where Marcy had left.

My jaw tightened for a moment, not wanting to admit that it didn't go well at all. That she hadn't really opened up to me the way I'd hoped.
But maybe... maybe there was another way to get through to her. An idea was already forming in my mind and I glanced at Erika, the gears turning.
"It was... fine. She's a bit hard to talk to, you know? Kind of... keeps to herself."
Bogdan chuckled at my words, like it was obvious.
"Everyone noticed. She's more like a ghost in this place, always slipping through crowds like she's invisible. But hey, at least you gave it a shot! You know what they say— practice makes perfect."
I forced another smile, felt like a clown in a forgotten circus, but my mind was elsewhere.