cloudy;poetry

anxiety

breathe,
don't forget to breathe.
my heart starts racing,
my skin becomes warm,
my mind's a storm.

I tell myself it's alright,
I try to stop it,
gasp for breath,
close my eyes,
that's when I realize.

you are safe,
you are loved,
it can't do you harm,
the world needs you,
is that true?

yes, that's right.
I am needed,
I have to change this world,
but why do I feel so defeated?

I really do,
I want to be better,
do good,
as much as I could.

but it's so hard
my fear takes away my strength, often just like that,
without any specific reason.

it's like she wants to make fun of me,
of my stupid fragile self,
I want to be someone else.

no, I don't want to,
I'm smart,
I'm cool,
I like the little things,
but how can I enjoy them if you spoil them for me.

Why do you destroy me?
Why do you take myself away?
Why do you make it so hard?

I want to have it easy too,
want to be careless too.
when I see the others,
how they live,
without fear,
so free,
so relaxed,
and I always have to be so tense.
I hate it,
no wonder no one wants me like that.
nobody wants the broken one.

and when I improve,
no one sees it,
they only see my damn mistakes,
not who I really am,

my hope,
my smile,
my mind,
blows away like wind.