HEART STRINGS | 지훈

25

The storm outside had calmed down slightly, but the occasional rumble of thunder still echoed in the distance. Inside the music room, the air was much warmer now, the once thick and tense atmosphere replaced by something softer. Jinhee had finally calmed down, her sobs quieting as she rested beside Jihoon. They didn't speak, simply sitting in comfortable silence, the soft music from the headphones still faintly playing in the background.

Jinhee shifted a little, wiping her face with her sleeve, and glanced at Jihoon, who had settled next to her on the floor. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice still fragile but steady.

Jihoon looked at her, his brow furrowing slightly. "For what?" he asked, his tone soft, genuinely curious.

"For all of this." She gestured vaguely, her fingers tracing small circles in the air. "For dumping my past on you like that. I don't know why, but I just couldn't keep it inside anymore. I didn't mean to-"

He shook his head, cutting her off gently. "You don't have to apologize for that. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me." His voice was sincere, laced with a kind of quiet understanding. Then, with a little hesitation, he added, "Has anyone else ever... known about this?"

Jinhee looked away, her fingers absently toying with the edge of her hoodie. "Except for my parents, no one," she admitted. "I was too scared to tell anyone. I thought people would think I was weak or lying. But tonight... I don't know. It just felt safe to tell you."

Jihoon's lips curled slightly into a small, soft smile, the tension from before easing. He then glanced at her, as if a thought had crossed his mind. "By the way, did you recognize the song?"

Jinhee tilted her head, humming softly in thought. "That's Radwimps, right? I used to listen to them a lot in high school."

Jihoon nodded, impressed. "Yeah, same. They're one of my favorite Japanese bands."

For a moment, his face was relaxed, but then something shifted in his expression. His smile faded as he grew more serious, almost hesitant. He glanced at her before asking, "How long have you been into music? Like... when did it start for you?"

Jinhee blinked, then a small nostalgic smile appeared on her lips. "Hmm, probably since I was a kid. I used to watch artists perform on TV all the time. I remember one of the first concerts I saw, it was some variety show on TV, and I was just mesmerized by the way people could express so much through music. It was like they had a whole world inside them, and they were showing everyone. My dad noticed how much I loved music and got me my first mp3 player when I was in elementary school. I carried that thing everywhere."

Jihoon listened closely, nodding along. His fingers drummed softly on his knee, a sign of his focus. He looked like he was about to say something but hesitated, his gaze momentarily drifting to the floor. Then, after a pause, he asked, "Do you want to know why I got into music?"

Jinhee turned her head slightly, intrigued. "Sure."

Jihoon took a slow breath, leaning back slightly against the wall. "Well, it happened in high school," he began, his voice quieter than before. "I used to be a pretty open and cheerful person back then. I was always joking around, making friends easily. But things changed." His tone grew heavier, the lightness of their earlier conversation disappearing. "I dated a girl. She was... well, let's just say, at first, everything seemed perfect. I thought we were happy."

He stopped for a moment, his jaw tightening slightly. "But one day, she embarrassed me in front of the whole school. It wasn't just any day when she did it. It was on our anniversary. I'd spent weeks planning something special. I thought everything was going well, you know? Like, I really believed she felt the same. She even told me she had a surprise for me too."

Jihoon's fingers tapped rhythmically on his knee, his eyes distant as he continued, "She made me go out on the football field blindfolded. When I opened it, I saw her, a group of her "cool" friends and almost all the students of our school gathered around. Then she told me she'd only been dating me for fun, just to mess around and laugh about it with her friends behind my back. They were all recording it, laughing while I just stood there, feeling like an idiot. I don't even remember the exact words she used, but I remember how I felt. It was like something inside me shattered, like everything I believed about people and trust just broke."

Jinhee's heart sank, imagining how devastating that must have been for him. "Jihoon... that's horrible," she whispered, her voice full of empathy.

Jihoon's smile was bitter, a reflection of the pain he tried to mask. "Yeah, well... after that, I didn't care about anything anymore. I started skipping classes, shut myself off from everyone, even from Junkyu. I just didn't want to deal with people. That's when I found music. Or maybe it found me. It was like the only way I could express anything without having to rely on words. It became my escape."

Jinhee stayed quiet, her gaze fixed on Jihoon, absorbing everything he had just shared. The pieces started to fall into place. She now understood what Junkyu had meant when he told her about Jihoon - how he had built walls around himself, afraid to let anyone in. He hadn't just been distant, he had been protecting himself, shielding himself from the possibility of getting hurt again.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," she said softly.

Jihoon glanced at her, his gaze warm but guarded. "It's okay now. I mean, it still sucks when I think about it, but... music helped me through it. I guess, in a weird way, it made me who I am now." He paused, offering a faint smile. "I don't know if that's a good or bad thing."

Jinhee shook her head gently. "It's not bad. You're strong for having gone through that and still finding a way to move forward. And I think music is lucky to have you."

For a moment, they just sat there, the weight of both of their shared pasts hanging in the air, but it felt lighter somehow, knowing they weren't carrying it alone anymore.

"Remember at the ball, when I told you I'd shut off my feelings because of a reason? Well, now you know what that reason was," he said, his gaze flicking to her before looking back down at his hands.

Jinhee tilted her head slightly, curiosity filling her voice. "So... you never liked anyone after her?"

He hesitated, his fingers absently tracing the lines of his jeans. "I was afraid to," he admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I kept thinking the same thing would happen. That if I let myself care about someone, really care, I'd just end up getting hurt again. So I avoided it. Pushed those feelings down whenever they came up."

Jinhee nodded, her own understanding of fear intertwining with his. "I've been afraid my whole life too," she confessed quietly. "But I realized that if I keep running from it, I'm just letting that fear control me. I need to be braver. Not seeing it as a distraction or something to avoid. But as something worth giving a chance."

Jihoon looked at his hands, the weight of her words sinking in, striking a chord within him. He had been battling the same thoughts, but hearing her say it aloud made it feel real, almost tangible. "Maybe you're right," he said softly, his voice laced with vulnerability. "Maybe I should give it a chance too."

She smiled, though her gaze remained forward, her eyes focused on something unseen in the distance. "Of course," she said, her voice gentle but filled with conviction. "If we keep avoiding it every time, we'll just stay stuck. Stuck with all these conflicting emotions that end up hurting us anyway."

Jihoon turned to look at her, his eyes filled with something that hadn't been there before - a quiet determination. He was now staring at her, a warm smile curving his lips, though she seemed oblivious to his gaze, her eyes still fixed forward. "Then... I won't avoid it this time."