wordsmith's manuscript

Chapter 6

On the fifth consecutive day I skipped classes, the teacher called home and I answered. He talked to me, I told him I was sick, that I caught some virus, and when I got better I would return to school. He seemed to believe me, apologized for what happened at the club some time ago, and asked me to come back as soon as I felt better, saying they all missed me and wished me a speedy recovery. It's as if someone misses me, they are all strangers, both to me and me to them.

I went to the post office, where I received the money from my father and kept it hidden at home.

I walked through the kitchen in silence, my mother was sleeping... I opened cabinets and doors hoping to find something to entertain myself or at least relieve the stress. I wasn't the least bit surprised when I found absolutely nothing.

I walked to the bathroom and splashed water on my face, my chest was in perfect condition, but as for my mind, I couldn't say the same...

I opened the drawer looking for a towel to wipe my face and came across the medicine box. Without much thought, I pulled it to the floor and opened it, noticing all the medications inside... Some I knew, others not so much, few were familiar to me and all seemed to attract me.

I sat on the floor and leaned against the door, took out one package and read the label, menstrual pain, not that, I put it back, took out the second one, headache, I know this one, but hey, I can always take a couple, it's always handy to have them with me.

There were two left... I have to buy more.

***

I threw onto the bed the pills I kept for myself, only the ones that are useful, such as for headaches, stomachaches, sedatives, to help sleep, and little more.

I dashed to the drugstore to buy the necessary medications, no one asked questions, no one cared, they assumed someone was sick at home, and there are, two people.

I sat on the bed and drank water, plenty of it. I went down to the kitchen to refill the bottle. I passed by my mother's room, she was sleeping as usual.

I climbed onto the balcony and, with some effort, managed to get onto the roof of the house, which was slippery due to the rain and the beginning of winter, but it wasn't enough to stop me from taking the risk. I lay down to look at the sky and feel my body being engulfed, the indescribable way my emotions were shaken by my thoughts and heightened by my fears.

I sighed and stayed like that, holding onto the tiles to avoid slipping and killing myself there, well, that's an exaggeration, I would break my legs and maybe something else, but I would only die if it was from my head, after all, it's not that high, just a few meters.

***

"Nothing's as intense as the void I feel,

When I'm numb and think I'm dying for real.

It's a somber thing, this emptiness I see,

Though I knew, but it's just a fantasy.

I run my fingers over the dirty tiles,

Thinking of all the secrets I've kept for miles.

I look at these old houses, tired and worn,

And think, 'Here's where I lived, and here I'll be gone'

With a glass of vodka in one hand,

And a napkin in the other, unplanned.

I grab all the pills I can find in sight,

Hoping to end my mind's endless plight.