Just The Girl

Chapter 20

D A H L I A

There was a lot of green today. Luminous, bright, green. The grass around me waving like a pool against the tendrils of the breeze, flowing slowly around me. If this was actually heaven, then I wouldn't mind.

I remember falling, I remember Ivan screaming for me, and I remember hitting the hard ground with an aching thud—and I also remember losing consciousness after.

Waking up to this view was better than waking up to the horrors of my reality. Although my presence here is uncertain, at least the amount of peace I was feeling right now can compensate for the lack thereof if I ever were to wake up from this dreamful state.

I'm tired and drained, hopeless and beaten. I know I shouldn't be throwing myself up to the storms, to give up on the little hope I promised myself to never let go of—but everything has been too hard on me, too hard on my dreams, and too hard on my child.

Looking down, stomach as flat as it used to look like 7 months ago. As if I was never pregnant at all.

Was heaven like this? When pregnant women die, do their unborn child vanish as well?

Slowly reaching down to caress my own stomach, I felt the tears starting to prick against my eyelids, my throat twisting in pain, and the ache of my chest hardening.

"Why are you crying?"

I gave out a little jump as soon as I heard a soft voice speaking behind me, turning my head almost instantly—seeing the same little girl I had seen months ago. She was looking at me with those eyes again—those beautiful, green eyes.

She was alone yet again, same as before, but something about her felt different. Something about her aura had tugged an ache deep within my chest, something I couldn't wrap my thoughts around. Yet again, she felt familiar—but still stayed a complete stranger.

"I'm not crying." But there was no escaping that lie for I felt the droplets of my tears flowing down my cheeks as I talked. The little girl even dared to let out a soft giggle, the feeling of annoyance slowly swelling against the dumbness of my soul.

I began to walk, leaving enough distance between me and the nameless girl, walking to who knows where this vast field would end.

I could hear little crunches of footsteps behind me, turning my head to the side to steal a light glance at the girl behind me—she still had that big smile on her face, both hands tucked behind her, her little feet skipping as she walked.

What is she so happy about? If this was heaven, was she really this happy to be dead?

Her skipping was what had ticked me off, and it was enough for me to stop on my tracks before I turned around, hands on both of my sides before I sent a glare her way. Angry and menacing, the little girl did not head to my own obvious temper—instead, she began to smile even wider.

"If you're not going to tell what this place is or at least your name and what the hell you are, then leave me alo—"

"You really don't know who I am?"

I blinked at what she had said, clicking on my tongue as I slowly tried to resonate the question she had used to cut me off.

She was familiar, yes. But do I know her? Not at all.

Looking at her right now had sent waves of confusion. From the site of her jet black hair that had reached just above her shoulders, her green eyes staring back at mine, her pale skin glowing beautifully under the brightness of the sun above us.