Not Until Yesterday

3

After that night Shawn had been so distant to me. He barely spoke a word or even throws me a glance whenever we bumped into each other at school. He never texted me or call me at night the way he usually does.

Whenever I cornered him, he would just simply shove me off; telling me that he is busy or he has a date with Terry. And it breaks my heart. God knows how it torn me into pieces. He was there. I could see him all the time but it seemed like he was miles away from me. Like we were separated by a widest ocean or with a thick and high wall that no one can ever break unless he wanted it to.

I couldn't understand why he was so angry at me for dating John. I mean, yes I didn't tell him about it but he doesn't necessarily have to avoid me. He could just yell at me or something and I will have to explain to him. But avoidance so much a torture.

Truth is I really like John. He's thoughtful and very kind. He's been so patient with me. He has all the qualities every girl like me would want to have with her boyfriend.

But I figured out that being with John also means losing Shawn, my best friend. I couldn't choose between them. I can't and shouldn't, in the first place. But somehow I knew that I couldn't go on like that. It isn't just right every time I am with John and yet I am thinking of someone else. Thinking of Shawn.

But before I could even decide what to do or who to choose, Shawn and Terry were already the hottest topic in school. The newest official couple. And everyone thought that they look good together and that finally they're on it.

Shawn had admitted it to me once that his relationship with Terry won't go any further than being flings. But then again, it all changed. And there's nothing I can do about that.

I should be happy for them. I should be happy for my best friend. Terry's also great and as much as I hate to admit it, they do look good together. I should have been happy. But my heart says otherwise.

Months had passed.

John and I broke up for reasons we couldn't even figure out. Maybe we were just too busy with our separate lives that being together was such a burden to both of us. So we ended it up at once, without hard feelings.

Shawn and I still hadn't got a chance to talk or at least make up. And I really missed him a lot. I can see that he's happy with Terry. But each time he looked at me, there is still that hurt and betrayal in his eyes pointing directly at me.

If he would just give me a chance, I would explain to him everything. Or was there any point of explaining in the first place? Besides, there's thousands of questions lurking in my head; like why does he react like that? What was he so mad about and refused to talk to me for so long? I deserve an explanation as much as he does.

So when Shawn called to me the other day and asked me how I'd like to spend my Christmas Eve, my heart gone wild. We haven't talked to each other in the longest while and I thought this might be perfect for both of us, to settle things we left cluttered for long.

On our conversation over the phone, we didn't talked about John. It was like we just forgot that we quarreled about him and hadn't talked to each other in a while. Though I sensed he was sad about his break up with Terry, but overall, we talked like we used to before. Like nothing had ever happened. And all my questions just vanished in an instant by merely hearing his voice.

Yes, the trip to the mountain tops were supposed to be our way to patch things up. To clear everything that happened before. And maybe in my part, to clarify all those uncertainties I have with myself; those feelings I couldn't even comprehend.