"Don't Cry" Part I

-3- God Told Me

If only I had remembered all of that when I had met Gabriel and Jacob and my thoughts of suicide. But that happens later.

Now for my mother. Where do I even start? She was crying every night, throughout the day, and when she wasn't I could tell she wanted to. Sometimes I could not blame her, her beloved husband had died at such a young age, haven't even reached his thirties. I prayed for her a lot at bedtime. Sometimes I tried to comfort her.

"Mommy?" I walked over to her chair, she had her back bent, her hands sunken into her face making no sound, I placed my hand on her shoulder. She can't stay like this forever, I thought.

She waited 6 seconds before sitting up to look at me. A drip rushed down from her cheek to her knee."Yes baby?"

I stared at her for a moment. I could tell she was making an effort to not rub her sadness onto her kids. But I felt bad, to see her like this. Mental note: Watch what I say to her, I don't want her to feel worse. "Mommy, why are you crying?".

She looked away, sniffled, then looked up back at me. "Your father, honey."

"I'm sorry Mommy."

There was a short moment of silence. "Honey?", she asked, not facing me.

I did not hear anything.

She turned her head to face me again and grabbed my hand with both of hers."Honey?".

I didn't know why, but I couldn't hear others when I couldn't view their face to watch their lips move. "Yes, Mommy?" I replied, I braced myself, I could tell she was about to tell me something big.

She paused for 3 seconds, "Umm.. Honey, Daddy..." she paused again. "Has...passed away." Looking into my eyes, she rushed to say " I'm so sorry honey!" She gave a big long lasting hug. " We tried everything-".

I didn't have a sad look on my face, she was confused. I interrupted her " I know Mommy. But he isn't really gone. And-" I was smiling, all happy, she interrupted.

"Wait what? You know? Honey...don't-".

"Yes Mommy I do know!" I laughed in joy. "I feel his presence! I know that he's in heaven watching over us! Can't you feel it?! He's happy too! And I know he misses us too and God wouldn't give us something unless he knew we couldn't handle it because he loves us!" I stopped to laugh in joy once more, and looked into my mommy's eyes.

Disappointedly, her expression didn't match mine. "Wha-? Hey Mom!!", she called for Noey. And Noey, followed by Daddad came rushing in.

"Yes dear? Is everything all right?", they asked. I turned to see they're heads.

My mother looked under stress, because she was so confused. "What-, wait did you tell her?"

They looked at Mommy, then at me. I smiled. They paused for a moment, as if they knew exactly what was going on. Then they looked at Mommy again. "Honey... I think God told her."

I smiled at that thought. It felt so true, I was so happy. I turned to look at my mom again.

"Wow." Mommy said.

"But, I know she doesn't understand, she's only 5. Don't force her."Noey stated.

"No, I'm 6! Geeez!"

"Yes, sorry. You get the point, she'll understand when she is older"

"Yes, your right."