Emilys sentiment

Ali

Emilys pov:
September 1st 2010

It has officially been a year since the end of my life.

Although i still wake up,eat, sleep, and even laugh just like a living person would I feel as though the only thing left of me is an Emily-shaped shell that does the mundane things in life, you know, the necessary things for survival. My inner sense of self has deteriorated past redemption as i just wait everyday for her return, i hope to see the glint in her eyes and i hope to just hold her one more time and just feel an ounce of normality, even if it is just for one second. But you know what they say about hope,

it's a nasty 4 letter word that breeds eternal misery.

Ali wasn't a good person by any means, everyone around us expressed their, to put it mildly, dislike for her. She was perceived her like this garmr, you know the sort. But i saw her as this lost puppy, yes she was feral but she was never taught to not be like that, even good dogs bite when provoked, but no one else seemed to see that. I've been described as an optimist, always apparently having my "head in the clouds" but thats one of the things Ali loved about me, she had a way of making you feel like the most special person in the world while simultaneously make you feel like the loneliest as well.

Flashback (February 2009- rosewood library)
Ali- "That's why i love you em, your'e always big on happy endings"

Emily smiles from ear to ear , yet she cant rid this sinking feeling that this is temporary.
It's just in my head, she obviously likes me, i mean she literally just said she loves me! I think its okay for me to do this

The tension in the air can be cut with a knife, Emily gazes into Alison's crystal blue eyes, almost feeling as if she is looking directly into her soul, seeing everything she has before and feeling everything she has felt, completely connected, frequencies aligned, heartbeats racing, Emily tucks her hair behind her ear, softens her lips and leans forward, her lips targeted towards Alison's. Their lips are near centimetres apart...

Ali- "what are you doing??"
Ali looks at Emily as if she is muck on the bottom of her shoe. Emily goes red and quickly removes eye contact, her thoughts spiral as she tries to think of something, anything to redeem herself from this immense embarrassment.

Emily- "um... listen al-"
Ali-" listen Emily, i dont know what sort of ideas you have in your lesbian mind, but i like guys"

Emily flushes a bright crimson as she fights back the tears welling in her eyes. Her love for Ali is so overpowering. This brutal rejection and shame from Ali was enough to make her bed bound, it felt like within these moments her world came crumbling down along with her pride and the particles of confidence she had left in her. She lowers her head to stare down at her lap, she cannot face Ali, she cannot look into the eyes of someone she loves so much and hear these vicious words being injected into her very soul.

This is what Alison does, she just continues to hurt me, when can i understand she would never love me, im a girl, its wrong for girls to love girls

Emily looks back at Ali with red eyes and a face full of melancholy

" and trust me, when we kiss, its only practice for the real thing "
Alison shoots dagger with her eyes at Emily
Seriously, piranhas have duller teeth

Emily "...oh"
She carries herself up and hastily leaves the library before stepping outside and bursting out in tears, hear thoughts invading her mind, she cries in fear of her parents, she cries about her constant fear of being found out, what will happen to her, everything will change. This cannot happen. No one can ever know.

Why do i feel so dirty when all I've done is love a girl?

Em picks up her phone and dials
+1 468 563
Emily- " hey ben would you want to hang out sometime? "

A/N - hey guys this is my first time ever writing, i promise not all parts will be sad but I've always wanted to write a story really exploring deeper elements of Emily's character

Let me know how i did, i already have some ideas on how i want it to go but i would be happy to any suggestions :))))

- a