Moved into Your Heart - Loud House

Chapter 5: This is Why (Paramore)

Lynn Sr. was appalled to see his oldest child at Minor Night at Paddy's Pub. Not once did he ever raise her to drink so young and innocent. He didn't care that the drinks could be non-alocholic. She probably thought they were ALL alcoholic! That's what scared him. 

Mac: Who's the blonde bitch? Get 'er out of here! (laughs at own joke)

Dennis side-eyes him.

Dennis: That's obviously one of his fifty-one children, Mac. Don't be insensitive.

Mac: Ohmy god, I'm so sorry, Dennis.

Lynn Sr: I can't believe she's here. I am appalled to see my oldest child at Minor Night at Paddy's Pub. Not once did I ever raise her to drink so young and innocent. I don't care that the drinks could be non-alocholic. She probably thinks they are ALL alcoholic! That's what scares me.

Cricket: Which of your daughters is that?

Lynn Sr: My oldest daughter, Lori Loud. SHe's probably here to meet a boy! Since Blobby died.

womp womp

Sweet Dee: She kinda looks like me.

Charlie: Ahhh, all blonde people look the same!

Dennis: You're such a whore, Sweet Dee, that probably is your child. You bitch.

Mac: Yeah, you bitch!

Lynn Sr: I have to go and speak to her. Give me one second, gang.

Lynn Sr. walked over to Lori Loud, his oldest child, with a look of disappointment. She didn't even notice! She was too busy looking for newBlobby. Um,.

Lynn Sr: Lori! What are you doing here on Minors Night at Paddy's Pub!?

Lori was horririfed! She didn't know her dad went to the esteemed Paddy's Pub in South Phiilly! She thought he wasn't cool enough to even know it existed.

Lori: (horrified) Dad!? What are you you doing here!?

Lynn Sr.: (dad jokin') I asked you first, young lady. What are you doing here on Minors Night at Paddy's Pub in South Philly!? And is that...A BEER!?

Lori: I swaer its a root bear dad! And I swear I'm just here to find a new hot side piece.

Cricket suddenly appeared next to Lynn Sr. for both moral and oral support! Jk, not yet. Cricket wanted to help in any way he could. He knew how crazy blonde women in Philadelphia could be! He placed his rickety hand on Lynn Sr.'s shoulder to comfort him.

Cricket: What seems to be the problem over here, you guys?

Lori: Nothing, Cricket!

Lynn Sr: Does your mom know you're here!?

Cricket felt a pang of guilt and confusion. What does the mom look like?

Lori: Ummm..... Of course she does! Does she know that you're here, you whore?

Cricket: Don't call yer dad a whore! He's not like that. He's not like other men. Dennis is a whore.

Lori: You don't have to defend my father. He already cheated on my mom, I feel it.

Lynn Sr: I would never cheat on your mother and I never have!

Lori: You drunk! Why are you even here on Minors Night!?

Lynn Sr: I didn't even know it was Minor Night. I'm here with my new friends: The gang and Rickety Cricket and Artemis.

Cricket: He's really found a nice place in all this. We like havin' him around! (Chuckles and a tooth falls out) Shart!

Lynn Sr: WHo are you even here with, Lori? Missy?

Lori: I...I came with Luna... She doesn't want to come in, though. Not that I care!

Lynn Sr felt betrayed by his rocking child! He thought they just bonded and were getting somewhere after the accident tornado that killed everyone except them and possibly one other child. He was sad. Is it possible that all his children hate him? He only cared about the girls tho.

Cricket felt his sadness. He'd been there, as a Father. The holy kind. I guess.

Lynn Sr: You are so irresponisble , Lori! As the oldest child, you should fucking know better.

Everyone: OOOOOOOH!

The gang came.

Dennis: Lynn Sr, I am not speaking about you when I say this, but you two are ruining Minor Night. You're bringing down the mood and we're not gonna make money.

Charlie: Ahhh,

Sweet Dee: We're gonna ask you to leave. And don't come back, Cricket! You know what you did to my coke slurpee on Free Slurpee Day on 7/11.!

Lynn Sr: I need to take my children home, gang. I'll talk to you guys soon. Tell Frank and Artemis I'm happy that they're banging. Come on, Lori, we gotta go.

Lynn Sr took Lori's hand and started to drag her out the door. With a flick of her wrist, Lori scratched Cricket's eye on her way out the door. Cricket let out a loud screech like a  tire screechin'.

And that's how he lost his eye.

Lynn Sr took his daughter outside and saw Luna on the curb with a delinquent fool, both holding blunts, fat doobies.

Lynn Sr: LUNA! 

Luna: (stoned out of her mind on 7/11!) D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Pops!?

Lynn Sr: Yes, it's me! Now get in Vanzilla! Unbelievable! 

Lori: (instilling doubt in his heart) Dad, you're such a buzzkill. I can't believe you're friends with those people in there... They probably hate you too.

Lynn Sr tried to ignore her as he drove them home... But was she right? The gang and Cricket and Aretmis are all so cool and unproblematic... Where does he fit in?

And is he meant to?

Lynn Sr opened the front door to the Loud House house and let his children go in first. He walked through after them and was face-to-face with his wife, Rita. Loud.

Rita: Where were you.

Lynn Sr: I found our children on the streets of South Philly and Paddy's Pub in South Philly.

Rita's heart did a flip! She'd been wanting to go to that bar for a while. She planned on going in the night she banged that stranger in the alley, but she went home instead. And now Lynn Sr is going to a spot SHE wanted to!? Unbelievable!

Rita: And why were you there in the first place, Lynn Sr...?./

Lynn Sr: You know I like a brewski. I didn't even get a chance to drink before Lori came in on Minor Night at Paddy's Pub in South Philly at night. She left Luna outside to smoke that ganja with a delinquent fool. Did you know about this?

Rita: Yeah, maybe I did. So what? You want us to pent our children up in our Loud House?

Lynn Sr felt angry! HE HAD ENOUGH!

Lynn Sr: OF COURSE I DONT! I WANT OUR CHILDREN TO HAVE A BETTER TIME THAN WE HAD BEFORE OUR WEDLOCK ISSUE!

Rita: (yelling back and screaming a lil) THEN WHY DONT YOU LET THEM BREATHE, LYNN SR!?

Lynn Sr: YOU DON"T LET ME BREATHE EITHER!  I"M A LOUD (HOUSE) TO!

Rita gasped. Her husband was now eyelling at her. Only she could yell at him, that's how that works. Turst.

Rita: I give you plenty of room to breathe and YOU SPEND YOUR TIME ON BREWSKIS! I AM YOUR WIFE!

Lynn SR: I don';t want you to  be anymore. No more... No more.

Rita: WHAT!? WHat you do mean!?

Lynn Sr: I want a divorce. We can stay in this Loud House, co-parenting for our children. But we are done. You and I. Never again. No more... No more.

No more.