A mom who has alexithymia is raising an autistic toddler.
Ashauri had never known what happiness truly meant until she fell pregnant with her beautiful son, Cashton. Sadly, after she gave birth, the happiness she once felt went away and her life wen...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
ASHARUI GOLD
Lounging on the plush comforters of her bed, I watched as Clementine crawled her way onto me, her playful demeanor contrasting sharply with the weight of our conversation.
The scent of her freshly washed hair mingled with the faint aroma of the lavender body wash she favored, creating an atmosphere that was both comforting and charged.
She had just stepped out of the shower when I arrived, and now, as she straddled my waist, I felt the tension in the air shift, thickening with unspoken words.
"Hey Asha" she greeted, her voice laced with a sweetness that had always made me cave.
"Hi" I replied, my tone steady, though my heart raced. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. I met Kentrell, me and Cashton."
The moment hung heavy in the air, the implications of my words sinking in. Clementine's expression shifted, confusion knitting her brows together. "You're leaving me for him, aren't you?"
"Tiny" I sighed, shaking my head as I placed my hands on her thighs, grounding myself in the reality of the situation. "You aren't losing me as a friend. Everything else has to stop, understand?"
Inhaling deeply, she nodded, her head finding solace against my shoulder. The warmth of her body against mine was intoxicating, yet a reminder of the boundaries I was desperately trying to maintain.
"One last time then?" she proposed, stealing a kiss, batting her lashes in mock innocence, a playful attempt to sway my resolve.
"No, get up" I said, tapping her thighs gently, though my gaze betrayed me, lingering on her lips. "Clementine."
"Asha, that's not fair" she pouted, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck, pulling me closer. "Please don't do this to me."
The struggle within me intensified. I could feel the weight of her affection, the longing that had simmered beneath the surface for far too long. But I had to be honest, both with her and myself.
"I can't give you what you deserve, Tiny. I'm not attracted to you romantically. I love you, but as a friend. I've let this go on for long enough."
Her face fell, the light in her eyes dimming as the truth settled between us like a chasm. I had always known that our friendship teetered on the edge of something more, yet I had never anticipated the depth of her feelings or the impact of my own honesty.
Clementine pulled away slightly, her fingers still tangled in my hair, as if afraid to let go.
"But what about everything we've shared? The late-night talks, the secrets, the moments that felt more than just friendship?"
"I don't want to lose that, but I can't pretend to be something I'm not. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."
She took a moment, her gaze drifting to the ceiling as she processed my words. I could see the wheels turning in her mind, the struggle between hope and acceptance.
