Almost Emotionless

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ASHARUI GOLD

Kentrell and I spent the majority of the day tending to my weed farm, enjoying the fresh air and the satisfaction of hard work. I even shared some of my harvest with him, a small gesture that felt right.

By six o'clock, after a long day, I guided him to the bathroom, a brief moment of separation before I retreated to my own space for a shower. The warm water felt refreshing, washing away the day's labor.

Once we were both dressed in our chill outfits, we settled in to watch 'The Boondocks' the familiar humor providing a comforting backdrop as we munched on fruit snacks.

"I sent Felony's Instagram to you" I mentioned casually. He picked up his phone, nodding as he scrolled through the feed, his expression thoughtful.

Throughout our time together, I've observed Kentrell's quiet demeanor, a stark contrast to the lively persona often portrayed on social media.

As the day progressed, he seemed to gravitate closer to me, shifting from an arm's length away to a comfortable shoulder width apart, creating a sense of intimacy that felt both natural and reassuring.

"Thank you for helping me today, I don't have anything here to show my appreciation. Come back in a few days for dinner? Cash will be here, I just need you to come sober. I'll give you weed when you get here."

"Okay"

"Do you want to? Kentrell you've been agreeing with me all day. Be yourself, I don't want anything else from you."

"I do" nodding he say his phone in his lap with a message thread open. "I don't want to make any decisions about nothing, I'm tired of thinking."

"Feel free to use my house as your safe haven; I'll handle every and anything that comes through the gates."

It was a simple promise, yet it weighed heavily on my heart. In a world where chaos often reigns, the idea of a sanctuary—my home—filled me with a sense of purpose.

As much as I didn't want our time to end, Judah pulled up in my driveway, music pouring out of his car like a vibrant stream of energy. The bass thrummed through the air, a familiar comfort that hinted at the joy he always brought with him.

I glanced at Kentrell, who stood beside me, and felt a mix of anticipation and dread as I opened the door.

Judah greeted me with a wide smile, his expression a blend of eagerness and warmth.

"Hi Pretty, I missed you." He wrapped his arms around my torso, his head resting on my shoulder as he inhaled my perfume. "How was your day?"

"Hey Judah, my day was relaxing." I brushed his locs away from his face, embracing him for as long as he held me. I couldn't help but notice how his presence filled the space with a comforting energy. "You should get a retwist" I suggested, half-jokingly.

"It's that bad?" He pulled away, glancing at Kentrell, who was observing us silently with a distant look.

"It's not bad; I'd just like to see you with a fresh retwist"

"My loc lady just had a baby; I'll have to wait two more months before she can get to it. Unless you want to—"

"I can get someone to do it" I interrupted, only half-serious.

"You just gon let other people put their hands in my hair? You don't care about my hair health" he retorted, feigning indignation.

"Is he always like this?" Kentrell asked,inching closer towards me.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing" I replied, sharing a conspiratorial look with him.

"What?" Judah asked, feigning innocence.

"Nothing, Ju. Ready to go?"

Nodding, Judah extended his hand, and I accepted it, closing and locking my front door behind me.

As I stepped away from Kentrell, I felt his fingertips graze my hand, and I sensed the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air.

"Come to the studio tomorrow" Kentrell said, his voice soft yet steady.

He held his arms up, and as I stepped into his embrace, I felt a spark of connection. I wrapped my arms around him, layering him in my warmth, rubbing his back gently.

In that moment, I was reminded of my grandfather's teachings about the importance of physical comfort. He always said that hugs are medicine for the soul—a natural healing remedy for most things. I believed that wholeheartedly, and I couldn't neglect anyone who needed it. I'd hold Kentrell until he pulled away, until he was ready to break the embrace.

As I rubbed his back soothingly, I listened to the rhythm of his breathing, which had taken on an almost melodic quality. To bring him comfort, I began to hum a melody that had always soothed my son, a sweet tune that echoed my love and care. It was a song by Rose x Beyoncé, a blend of strength and vulnerability.

Judah, who had been watching us, finally broke the silence. "You two look cozy" he teased, a playful smirk on his face.

Kentrell chuckled softly, pulling away just enough to meet my gaze. "It's just a hug"

"Right, just a hug," Judah replied, his tone laced with mock skepticism. "But it looks like a lot more than that to me."

Kentrell's eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief, and I could feel the warmth radiating from him.

"Okay, let's get going" I said, breaking the moment and stepping back. I turned to Kentrell, a hint of reluctance in my voice. "be careful getting home; I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you " he replied

I felt a flutter in my chest as I watched him walk away.

Judah and I climbed into his car, the music enveloping us once more.

As we drove away, I couldn't shake the feeling that tonight had been more than just a casual hangout.

My home, my safe haven, had become a place where love and friendship could flourish, where healing could begin.

The road stretched ahead of us, illuminated by the soft glow of streetlights, and I felt a sense of hope rising within me. Whatever challenges lay ahead, I knew that together, we could face them.

After all, a safe haven is not just a physical space; it's a feeling, a promise of support and understanding, and I was determined to nurture that for everyone I cared about.

"Where are you taking me Judah?"

"On a date, I hope you like it"

"I'm sure I will"

As I glanced at the time displayed on the dashboard, a wave of regret washed over me. I had completely forgotten about my plan to see Clementine today. It was fortunate that I hadn't mentioned it to her earlier; I could only imagine her disappointment.

The thought of her waiting for me, perhaps even preparing for our meeting, made my heart sink.

I knew I had to reach out soon, to explain and hopefully reschedule. Time seemed to slip away from me, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was letting her down.

🎭