The Desire to Be

First Step

Sticky and sweaty, that’s how Sunghoon felt as soon as he woke up. It was like everything was humid and wet, clinging to his skin in the most disgusting way possible. He no longer felt feverish nor horny, but sick. He was a little scared that he’d end up throwing up on his bed, not having time to get some clothes on and rush to the bathroom.

First, Heeseung was still by his door; he could smell him. So, logically, he was not going to run into him completely bare. Second, Jake was also possibly somewhere in the dorm, and he didn’t want to encounter him either. Third, and most importantly, he did not want to face anyone any time soon, if possible, until they forgot about what happened. Ideally, until they wouldn’t ask him any questions about it at all, because he did not know how to answer even half of all the possible questions.

Seriously, he had no idea what had happened or what was going on. No clue whatsoever. He had thought it was a heat, that maybe he had forgotten to take one of his meds or it was a faulty batch, but this had been no heat at all. While he may not know much about heats, he knew for certain that they did not last a day, and they didn’t pass with just some fingering. Not that fast, at least. Moreover, he couldn’t even say that, because he wasn’t supposed to be an omega. And betas didn’t have heats, not as far as Sunghoon was aware. Regardless, he needed to deal with one thing at a time, and his priority was to get clean. He could not stand his own skin any longer.

With much effort, he got up and out of his nest. Doing so he noted that second in order was to clean up, his room was a mess. First, the nest itself was in urgent need of being taken apart and all the clothes and sheets needed a thorough wash. Second, there were items of clothing on the floor, his and some that had fallen from the nest, and he simply couldn’t stand it. And third, the room stank. The smell in the room was very strong and put in evidence just what he’d been doing in there. He got some clothes on, whatever he could find that was wearable but not entirely clean because he was disgusting as well, and then went over to his window. He hoped that opening it would be enough to air out the room a little, even if he had to leave it open for more than a day. No one was setting foot in his room until the odour was gone.

He looked for a second set of clothes, something he could wear once he was done with washing himself, and headed towards the door. Right before opening it, he stopped. 

“Hyung?” he called slowly and quietly. If Heeseung was still on the other side, which he believed he was, he needed to know if he was awake. It seemed Heeseung spent the entire day sitting there. Maybe he could convince him to go away and make sure Jake didn’t see him either.

“Yes?” Heeseung sounded confused and concerned. “Do you need anything? Is anything wrong?” He was quick to ask, indirectly offering his help. 

“I… I need to go to the bathroom,” Sunghoon explained, hopeful that Heeseung would get what he was asking.

“Do you need help? Or do you just want me to—?” Heeseung gauged, trying to figure out exactly what Sunghoon wanted.

“Just… If you could just go…” Sunghoon couldn’t really tell Heeseung to go away, he felt bad doing so. 

“Y-yeah, I’ll— I’ll get Jake and we’ll be in the kitchen… you can— You go into the bathroom,” Heeseung spoke as he got up from the floor. Sunghoon could hear the way he moved and the moment his voice stopped coming from down the floor level.

Sunghoon counted up to twenty before coming out of his room. He could hear the moment Heeseung walked away and talked to Jake, convincing him to stay in the kitchen without telling him Sunghoon would be coming out of his room. Maybe he thought Jake would try to help him, and Sunghoon evidently was trying to avoid everyone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to, not for long, but he wanted peace for a bit longer; so, he appreciated Heeseung’s efforts.