Still in Love With You.

Chapter Thirteen - Without You.

Jaimie Sommers...

Numb. That was how I felt.

It was like my emotions were locked up tight and out of my reach. My mind was trying to process what happened.

Caleb is dead.

Caleb had what the paramedics deemed a massive coronary, the Widow-Maker, that was what they called it. And from what they told me – it wouldn't have mattered how quickly the CPR started; he would have gone quickly. And blessedly painlessly. That was the only thing that gave me some sort of comfort.

Caleb is gone.

My mind keeps circling back around to that statement.

What am I supposed to do now?

I was supposed to be married now.

I was supposed to be kissing the love of my life to seal the tradition of marriage.

I was supposed to be stealing a little moment alone with my new husband before we had to go to the reception. We were supposed to be greeting our guests at the reception. We were supposed to be thanking people for coming. We were supposed to be sitting down to eat the amazing food we had agreed on. We were supposed to be listening to the speeches that our friends and family had prepared. We were supposed to be laughing and having the time of our lives. We were supposed to be having my first dance as Mr & Mrs. Regal.

I was supposed to be Mrs. Caleb Regal.

Now, I was lying here in the home we had bought together, with my head resting on my best friend's lap and trying to make sense of what had happened.

Why had it all gone so wrong?

I had to organise a funeral. The idea felt daunting if I am being honest.

What do I need to do? I've never had to organise a funeral before – I don't even know where to start. All I knew was that it had to be the best funeral there ever was because the man I loved more than life itself deserved that and more. My brother would help – he had been the one to organise our parent's funerals, so he knew what to do and what would be expected of me.

Caleb didn't have much by way of family, growing up in the system, he never had what you would call a loving family, and certainly none that remained in his life once he aged out of the system. The sheer determination that he had to build a life for himself was something that I not only admired but it made him all the more attractive to me. Unfortunately, his lack of familial bonds meant that everything fell on my shoulders and that was a scary prospect.

The feeling of my best friend brushing her fingers through my hair as she let the ties out that were holding it all up in the intricate style the hairdresser had woven. "What do you need, honey?" She finally broke the silence that stretched between us.

"I-"

I need Caleb.

I need the man who I loved more than life itself. I need to feel his arms around me, holding me tight. I need to hear him say he loves me...one last time. I needed to yell at him for leaving me. I needed to purge all of this emotion that was eroding through the numbness that I was feeling.

"I want to scream -" I finally stated, unsure if that was normal or not but if I had to face this then I was going to do it in my own way.

"Then scream!" She replied, "I know it's not the same and I would never assume that I could understand what you are feeling right now but I yelled when I found out what my dad had done, I roared until my throat felt raw and shredded-"