Love's Ambition

Chapter 6

In early May, Xu Yan returned to Tai'an. The school had reinstated Qiao Jianbin's job, paying him a retired teacher's salary. Reportedly, that episode of "Focus Moment" had caught the attention of high-ranking officials in Beijing, who had called the Family Planning Commission. However, Qiao Jianbin and Wang Yazhen were unsatisfied with the outcome as the matter of compensation remained unresolved. They continued to petition.

Since the program aired, they have given numerous interviews. Qiao Jianbin's eloquence had improved, his eyes lighting up at the sight of cameras. He proudly told Xu Yan that the reporters admired him, saying society needed stubborn people like him. Wang Yazhen had opened a Weibo account, writing about their family's ordeals over the years. Her posts were shared by famous journalists and scholars, garnering many comments. Wang Yazhen replied to each comment, even adding some sympathetic commenters on QQ.

This external attention kept them busy, temporarily alleviating their grief over losing their daughter. But when they returned to their immediate reality and realized Qiao Lin was gone forever, their emotions would collapse again. The light in the house was broken, with no one to fix it. The refrigerator reeked, still containing the cake and yogurt Qiao Lin had bought. The lid of the baby formula on the table was left open, its contents clumping. At nightfall, cockroaches became brazen, crawling all over the table. This would set Wang Yazhen off crying again. Qiao Jianbin's moods were more extreme. Sometimes he'd sit quietly, staring blankly at the liquor bottle on the table. Other times he'd fly into a rage, cursing Qiao Lin for being ungrateful after they'd raised her to adulthood. After crying, Wang Yazhen would sit at the old computer and start writing on Weibo:

"You don't know how wonderful my eldest daughter was. Beautiful and sensible, with a lively personality, everyone loved her. When I was sad, she always comforted me saying, 'Mom, it will all pass. There's nothing in this world that can't be overcome...'"

As she wrote, she'd start crying again. Xu Yan would sit beside her. Wang Yazhen would turn and embrace her. Xu Yan would gently pat her back, calming her. The computer would chime, and Wang Yazhen would sit up from Xu Yan's embrace, wiping her tears, saying, "Someone replied to me," and quickly clicking the mouse.

For the first two days after returning, Xu Yan stayed at a nearby hotel. On the third night, Qiao Lin's child developed a slight fever, so she stayed to look after her, sleeping in Qiao Lin's bed. The pillowcase hadn't been changed, still carrying the scent of Qiao Lin's shampoo. Resting on it, Xu Yan recalled a childhood wish she had never acknowledged: to sleep in this bed, not with Qiao Lin, but alone. This dilapidated home held an attraction for her; she longed to be a legitimate daughter living in this house.

Throughout her long childhood and adolescence, she had met many outstanding girls - rich, beautiful, smart - but she never wanted to be them. She only wanted to be Qiao Lin. She wanted to replace her, to possess everything she had. Even if those things included pain and misfortune, it didn't matter. Because she felt those things should have belonged to her. If only Qiao Lin wasn't there... she had thought countless times. As children, standing by the river, the same sun shone on them, but Xu Yan felt Qiao Lin was in the sunlight while she was in the shadow. If only Qiao Lin wasn't there... she could take two steps to the right, into the sunlight.

This childhood wish, so sincere and terrifying, had been harbored in her heart, slowly releasing its toxins to the outside world. Many years later, it came true. Qiao Lin was gone. Now she slept in Qiao Lin's bed, as her parents' only daughter. Xu Yan buried her face in the pillowcase, sobbing uncontrollably. Could she revoke that wish? Would everything be different? Would Qiao Lin have been happier, and could she have grown into a different person? With Qiao Lin gone, she still couldn't step into the sunlight. She would forever remain in the shadow.