[SCP DOCTOR ONESHOTS]

|| Dear Diary || (A)

(GEARS X ICEBERG)

(TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH, SUICIDE, AND SELF HATRED)

12-02-1994
Dear diary

In the past year, lots of things have happened.

My clearance was upped to level four, and I was given the title: Head of Euclid level research.
I was assigned a new assistant.

But overall, everything is normal.
My assistant has been trying to understand me.
I'll even say he's somewhat sweet to me.

I don't understand why the others keep forcing him to do their work.
It's their responsibility, Not his.
I sometimes help him.

I will give them a lecture this evening regarding it.

13-02-1994
Dear diary.

I don't know what's happening to me.
I feel drawn to him.
I don't know why, before, he meant nothing to me, why does he matter to me now?

He was merely an assistant.
Nothing more.
Why do I feel this way for him? What could've possibly drawn me in?

Why does it feel like I feel something everytime I'm around him?

Why do I feel disappointed whenever I see him talk with someone else?

I hope I can resolve whatever this is.

And I hope what I feel, is not love.

I will never love anyone again.

Not after what he did to me.

14-02-1994
Dear diary

It's valentine's day.
He asked me to be his valentine.
I accepted, yet I do not know if I even wanted to.

I don't love him.
At least I believe I don't.
But he is.. tolerable.
He is kind.
That is rare.

I have never had someone be so kind to me.
I don't know if I love him.
But I don't want to hurt him.

He gave me a rose for valentine's day.
We also went out for ice cream.
And he invited me for wine.
I remember what happened while we were intoxicated.

Though it's too embarrassing for me to write it here.
I would almost say it was fun.
But I'm not so sure.

Do I genuinely have feelings for him?
Or do I pity him?
Do I love him?
Or is it just a matter of not hurting his feelings?

I still haven't resolved it.
I hope it's not love.

15-02-1994
Dear diary.

It is love.
It is love.

No matter how much I hoped otherwise, it is love.
I am in love with my assistant.
He has charmed me.

But I can't love him.
I'm not supposed to love him.
But I can't help it.
I can't help it at all.

I'm in love.
I'm in love with him.
I don't want to believe it.
But it's true.

I feel just how he feels.
But he can never know.
He will never know.
Will he?

16-02-1994
Dear diary