Sometimes I look in a mirror and ask myself: Am I really scared of passing away? If it's today, I hope I hear a Cry out from heaven so loud it can water down a demon With the holy ghost 'til it drown in the blood of Jesus
I looked in the mirror in my room, and sighed. I rubbed my face and just stared at myself, thinking.
All my mind was on, was getting the niggas who killed my brother.
It's hard to find them because they knew we was gone come for them.
I just don't wanna die in the process. Then them niggas will be running free with no consequence.
I always think about death. It's crazy. I don't know if it's anxiety since my brother got killed or what.
I always have dreams about it. Sleep is the cousin of death, maybe that's why I'm a dreamer.
My phone started ringing which shook me out of my thoughts and I grabbed it seeing...
Marsai is FaceTiming you...
I smiled. This the only person who takes my mind off the bullshit. My girl.
I instantly answered the call and it said "connecting" for about three seconds before our faces popped up.
"Was good baby" I said to her.
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"Hey! I'm just getting back from my press conference so" She said. "Oooh I'm loving the grills baby" She added.
"Oh you like that?" I said.
"I love that" She said with a smile.
"Wow.." I said analyzing her face.
"What?" She said.
"You are beautiful. I'm just taking it all in, that's all" I said and she smiled.
"Aww thank you baby. Wanna see my whole outfit?" She asked.
"I do" I said.
"Okay one second" She said.
Then she sat the phone up, and moved back so I could see.
"We got a lil vibe, chill calm fit going on" She said before doing a spin and I laughed. She so cute.
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"You look sexy.." I said.
Damn I'm lucky.
"Thank you, getting used to this hair color. I love it though" She said.
"Everything about you is sexy, to be honest" I said.
"Oh really?" She said.
"Everything. Top to bottom. Then the way yo dimples pop out when you smile or blush. And the way that ass poking out the sundress." I said.
I need to chill cause I could feel myself getting hard just analyzing her.
She giggled and said "Thank you nasty boy."
"Aye I'm just being honest." I said.
"We still seeing each other later tonight?" She asked.
"Of course. I gotta see you everyday if that's possible" I said and she giggled.
"It's possible. How's everything at home?" She asked me.
"Long as I don't see my sister when she comes by, I'm coo. I stay out of everyone way so I'm straight" I said.
"I heard that. Are you almost done wit yo street shit? You made me a promise Kiari." She said.
"I know baby and I'm keeping that promise. I swear, once I get them niggas that killed my brother I'm gone be out the game. I'ma go legit. I promise." I said.
She nodded her head through the camera and said "I believe you. Just wanna make sure we're still on the same page when it comes to that."
"We are. I got chu" I said. She smiled and said "Okay."
"I'm finna get dressed so I'll be ready by the time you get here" I said.
"Alright, I'll be there in an hour or so" Marsai said.
"Aight" I said before we hung up the FaceTime call.
I got out of my bed and went to my closet to pick something out.
-
"That feels good baby.." I said as I was at Marsai's house and she was massaging my back.
Definitely needed it.
"Good" She said as she was going for my shoulders.
"Needed this, I feel like the stress takes a toll on my body" I said.
"I bet. That's why I offered this massage" She said kissing my cheek as she continued.
"Don't worry baby, I'ma be out the game soon. I know this nigga named Paco, he's supposed to help me find the niggas that killed my brother. After that, everything will be finished. I just need consignment you know?" I said.
"Yeah I understand. I just want you to be safe during the process." She said.
"I'm always safe baby" I said and she smiled saying "Mhm you better be"
Even though I have my worries and concerns, I can't tell Marsai about it. That'll only worry her more.
This lifestyle is dangerous and sketchy. I honestly couldn't wait to be done with it but I gotta do what I gotta do first.
I didn't choose this lifestyle, it chose me.
I turned around to face her after she was done massaging me, and I pulled her in to give her a kiss.
She kissed me back and held the sides of my face mumbling "I love you" in between kisses.
"I love you too baby" I said back as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
