the notes in my notebook

Sadness

Sadness
The deepened emotion of which I feel
The constant feeling sneaking in, as if to only be allowed for small periods.
The lump in the back of my throat, impeding me from speaking up, telling my truth, being entirely me.
Making me become mute
Stripping me of my power
Making me face the pressure the pain, and surrender to all of it. Begging for release from the pain from the wounds of past mistakes, being released of pressure of being perfect, but in-factually being an imperfectly perfect person with nothing but dispare.
Trying to come up for air, but feeling the water fill my lungs, trying to get the clock to stop beeping the water from dropping the time from ticking and yet I'm still here
I'm dead but alive, I'm alive enough to feel dead and yet I'm still here
Feeling sadness and depression amongst being happy and smiling but still feeling sad.
Sadness, effecting me slowly until engulfed in the flames of everything I once knew, once appreciated, once loved and once longed for.
Sadness the emotion that has taken over my life with no warning or care for responsibility but sadness the emotion I am destined to be.
sadness the emotion that won't leave me be.